i'm worried my husband will leave me?

Question

Last night me and my husband was aruging, and there was this girl on this gaiaonline.com site that left a comment on my page and I thought that my husband knew her on gaia.. and he said no i asked him check his page to see.. i did not excuse him of cheating and he actuomaticly thought i was,,

because he cahnged his pass's to all sites and emails, and i told him a few times thought he was cheating on me, and then he said he doesnt know if he'll be with me and I'm worried.. I love him so much.. we were at his moms while this happened.. and he is working right now.. i dont know if he's coming over here after work or not.. because he has to because only way to get anywhere. his moms bf is working till 8 and he takes a taxi here because its only 5 mins away...

i really love him. i cant talk to him much becasue he gets mad, and he said he has think things through.. he done this before and came back.. on worse terms .. this time was just a arguemtn..

plz help me and give me advice

Answer 1

Yeah I'm sorry to give you the bad news, but there's a really high chance he's going to leave you. I mean if he's chagning passwords and stuff like that and chatting with this girl, he's totally cheating on you. And I'm sorry I can't say much to help you out with this situation, but I think the best decision you can ever make in your life is to divorce him. Though I think you should wait it out and see what he wants. Good luck and I hope things work out in the end.

Answer 2

You have resources on his base. Use them. This is not the man you married and you know it. He's suffering post-traumatic stress disorder, I'll bet. He doesn't realize how different he is. You, on the other hand, admit to having other emotional problems (for which you need a therapist). You are both in turmoil. You do both need couples' counseling. Tell him you love him and want to make your marriage work but it takes two to make a marriage. Tell him that unless he is willing to work on your marriage WITH you, it won't work. I would go to see a military counselor about your problem. They can shed light on this for you so that you can better understand him for now. They can also help you figure out a way to get him to get the counseling he needs so that your child will not be without her father growing up. Unless he is physically abusive to you (in which case you must leave with your child at once), please try to stay for another few months to give him a chance to get better. What he went through was horrific. He is never going to be the same because he has seen horror over there. You need to understand this and help him forget or ignore what he saw and did, so that he can have some semblance of a normal life again. 9 months isn't so long after 15 months of terror. You married him "for better or for worse." This is worse. It can only get better. Give him a chance to adjust. Instead of complaining, try a new tactic. Tell him you really want to make your marriage work but that you are afraid he's changed too much and you need him to SHOW you that he cares for you and the child by deliberately trying to be kinder and gentler, when he is able. If you are going back to school, you need his income. Stay. Get your education. By that time you will know if the marriage can survive, and if it can't you'll be able to get a better paying job and your child will be older.

Answer 3

When did emailing someone become cheating? Does that mean I'm a cheat cuz I'm writing this? I don't think so.

Your guy seems like he has problems that he is not sharing with you. The short temper getting shorter is a clear sign that something is on his mind - something that is bothering him, not another woman.

So what if he changed his passwords, etc. Do you open his snail mail? Do you listen in on his phone conversations? Do you make him record his conversations at work?

Stop looking for trouble. Give him some privacy. Every guy is NOT trying to cheat with every sweet young thing out there...

You sound very insecure. You wish to consider growing up.

Answer 4

OK.

You are MARRIED to this guy and you cant TALK to him? You need to seriously grow up and sit down and talk to him if you love him so much.

Married folks have arguments, it does not mean the end of the relationship. Heck! It shouldn't even mean that he leaves. You need to develop a way to communicate without emotional upset.

Whenever you have something that is bothering you, you should pick a CALM time (when you have PLENTY of time) to sit down and talk in a non-threatening way to your husband.

The way I would have handled this particular concern would have been to say something like: You know I love you so much, but I get worried you will leave me for someone else. Especially when I see you have communicated with girls on the Internet. It really makes me feel so little and unimportant when you say that is nothing to worry about because I really do worry about this kind of thing.

Then see if you can open up a line of negotiation with your husband.

Answer 5

My advice would be not to worry. If he doesn't leave, you can work things out, and if he does, well, you're better off without a man who gets all worked up over a question about someone online (assuming it was just a question and not some sort of accusation based only on a comment. In that case, he'd be the one who's better off).

Answer 6

You could be honest with him, and tell him you love him, and have been worried he would meet someone else. Show him love, care and concern...

But also realize that ultimately you cannot control another person. If he decides to leave, you will not be able to stop him...and strangely, by trying to stop him, he may pull further away.

Your best protection from the hardships of life and love is to be happy, and fulfilled personally, regardless of what someone else thinks. Your love is a gift...you need not be ashamed of it, nor afraid it it is rejected. Love is always beautiful.

Answer 7

If only you could see past him to a life that DOESN'T have such stress.
.I was in a abusive marriage for over 15yrs with 4 children.. I also thought I couldn't live with out him,that I loved him so!! ...love is NOT fear !! I can't answer for you or him..I will say that if he is changing his pass words, & then has a temper when being asked about things that you have the rite to ask....SOMETHING ISN'T RITE!! I am now in a marriage that is full of RESPECT,LOVE,HONOR,ROMANCE,ect..... It is AMAZING !!! When someone loves you and you love them...there is NOTHING TO HIDE !! You want your patner in all areas of your life..''they are your life'' !! & BEST FRIEND... So I wouldn't beat myself up over something that seems to be HIS problem....set down and talk it through and if he WONT do that with you then you need to open your eyes and see it for what it seems to be .. you deseve to be treated with respect...'' YOU ARE WORTH IT '' !!

Answer 8

Come on he is using subtle blackmail tactics.The moment you question him about cheating, he scares you by saying that he needs to think things up knowing very well that you will be disturbed.So let him think over in a cool manner and get back to you.Dont show that you are disturbed.He'll get the point and come back to you.Gud luck.

Answer 9

If he changed the passwords to the sites and e-mails, in my opinion, he's cheating.

I'm always afraid of pushing my husband away too so you're not the only one. :)

If you can't talk to him, write him an e-mail and ask that he PLEASE reply, that might help. My husband and I have done that.

Other than that, I don't really think there's much to do. Most people are going to say, go to counseling... just leave him... etc.

I believe you can work it out, you just have to try very, VERY hard.

Answer 10

Stop trying to talk to him. Wear a little something he likes and get him in the sack!

If he still argues with you after that, then you gotta decide whether to haul his butt back into bed for another go-around, or, kick his butt right out the door....