20 yrs because he made her stay home w/the kids. She has no education, skills....,she cheated on him and almost left her but she asked for a second chance, he can't abandon his kid.... he also said it's cheaper to keep her... They don't spend time together. He's my buddy and I'm falling for him. He doesn't know this. In the back of my mind, I'm waiting for him to become available... he's not leaving her right?
2007-04-05 04:21:46 · 56 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It might only take you saying "If you were available, I'd snap you up in a minute" to get him to decide happiness for himself and let her grow up, get a job, and perhaps get happy herself. Chances are she's just as miserable as he is. Make a brick wall decision that you WILL NOT hold hands, kiss or have sex, not even playful, flirty banter with him until he is firmly out of this marriage. Otherwise, you're setting yourself up.
2007-04-05 04:37:45 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being unhappy in a marriage is very difficult. I did it for 9 of the 18 yrs that i was married. I stayed for various reasons -- status, family, kids, finance -- I tried all the angles -- and in the end he was a selfish liar who wanted everything his way and left his "mark" physically, emotionally, and financially. I wish I would have listened to my first instinct and save so much time and heartache.
Don't get me wrong, you CAN repair a marriage. IF BOTH PARTIES are trying their hardest and have the same intention and motive. Some men have secret motives and agendas (like having a "good woman" at home so you can cheat w/hoes and act like ur single). Being married a long time for men pictures them as stable, responsible, and mature. But if he shoulders all his responsiblity on his wife and just wants the "title" then it will NEVER WORK.
U would not want to start a relationship w/someone like that. The part of him u are seeing is the non-stress, away from home person -- I am sure he is a totaly different person behind closed doors.
2007-04-05 05:07:33 · answer #2 · answered by kimmie831 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nope. He's not leaving her. He's using you. I have a question. Did HE tell you that she cheated on him? How do you even know it is true? Even if she did, right now this guy is having his cake and eating it, too. He has his wife and family in one pocket, and his "buddy" in the other. And if he is sleeping with you, then that is proof. In that case, he's equally as bad as her, in fact WORSE. Is that the kind of guy you want? A cheater? What makes you think he won't cheat on you next? If you are NOT sleeping with the guy, then you are still wasting your time. If he really cared about you, he'd leave her. End of story. His family will always come first, and you'll be left alone. Do NOT fall for this guy. You are wasting your time, and you will regret it for the rest of your life if you continue. I guarantee it.
It is hard, though, and I understand that. Stop seeing or talking to him for awhile. Take some time off. Hang out with your friends. Have some fun. Get some exercise. Join a club. Take up a hobby. Volunteer in your community. Keep yourself busy. See a therapist if you are having troubles letting this go. Take this time to rediscover yourself, and then you'll know what to do. Good luck!
2007-04-05 04:32:14 · answer #3 · answered by Mr. Taco 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is not leaving her. If he is cheating on her, are you ever going to be able to get past that if you end up with him because you are looking at about a 99.725% that he will cheat on you (in my opinion). Keep him as a friend if it feels right, but keep in mind how you would feel if the situation was reversed and your husband had a friend like you. Be his friend, but make sure it's nothing more and you're doing it for the right reasons. Not because you want to be with him. It's okay to take a step back for awhile until you get your head on straight. That's the only way to save the friendship.
2007-04-05 05:06:42 · answer #4 · answered by Calli G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is an unavailable man. He is confused, he probably doesn't really want to be married, but he doesn't really want to be single either. He is messed up, screwed up, bollixed up, and it is not worth your time and trouble to wait around in the unlikely event he will change his mind and figure it all out. The fact that he used the phrase "cheaper to keep her" shows he is not going to leave the marriage. It is easier for him to stay in it. He is using money, his kid, and probably other things to justify staying, which is what he will do.
Don't wait for him. He is not ever going to become available, never. Find another buddy.
2007-04-05 04:37:55 · answer #5 · answered by danashelchan 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your obviously not thinking about the situation that's going on here. He's married with children. Do you really want to waste anymore time with him when you can be with a great single guy out there and start a life with him and none of his baggage. You already know the answer to your question. You know he's not leaving his wife and family, that's why you're asking. We all can tell you what you already know, but only you can make the decision to change your life for that better.
2007-04-05 04:35:53 · answer #6 · answered by CHIGALORE 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's probably not going to leave his wife. He may, however, try to have the best of both worlds, i.e., stay with his wife and have a woman on the side. It sounds as though his kid may really be the reason he will not leave his wife. Don't fall for him if you can help it. Keep your friendship at all costs. If, however, he does leave his wife in the future, then you can act towards having a relationship with him beyond your friendship. At this point in time, let your feelings develop as time goes by, don't just spring it on him.
2007-04-05 04:31:20 · answer #7 · answered by Opaque 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If he did leave his wife of twenty years even through she cheated on him. It's easier to keep her. They don't spend time together. It sounds like he would just want a person on the side. He's given you enough excuses of way he would stay in his marriage. And you sound like the type of person who wants a monogamous relationship which I don't think you'll get from this guy. Walk away and find another person who will love you. Good luck.
2007-04-05 04:39:39 · answer #8 · answered by dfmlodt 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why even put yourself into all of that drama! Really! Is that what you want? You know how complicated marriage can be? Well, let me tell you- very complicated! I'm not saying he won't leave her and I am not saying he will. But, I'm saying girl get yourself out of that scenario. Don't let your emotions get carried away. Go out, find some single men, and resolve to be a platonic friend, because either way you look at it- it is a bad scenario with tons of baggage that quite frankly I'm sure you don't want or need.
2007-04-05 04:34:05 · answer #9 · answered by Tickle me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is not leaving her and he is probably lying to you. Maybe he is not lying to you, maybe he believes what he says. Either way, he is not being truthful with you because he is not being truthful with himself. No one stays just because of the kids. He has to have some feelings for her or he would leave. Be very careful where you go with this or you will soon be the one at home while he is out with "a buddy."
2007-04-05 04:26:48 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋