Hi everyone,
My boyfriend and I started dating last 4th of July, I was living with my parents and then in late August, I moved out to my own place.
My boyfriend and I seeing eachother on a regular basis...Then in October....he took a trip to go see his friends who had just had a baby, came home and and realized he wanted more.
So he asked me to move in with him.
But before I did, he wanted to talk to my parents so that they knew he was serious.
We moved in together, officially Nov. 1st, and then Dec. 25th he proposed.
Now, 3 months later...he's breaking off the engagement because hes not sure he made the right decision. He tells me he loves me and that I'm perfect but that he's not sure if he's meant for the "MARRIED" life and that I should have the right to know his feelings.
I asked him if he needed space, or wanted to date other people...or if it was another woman.
He said yes to space...mostly because he wants to be fair to me and that its NOT another woman but that he may
2007-04-05 02:29:57 · 12 answers · asked by MissVero 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
want to date other people in the future but not now.
I asked him why? If he loves me so much why date other people?
He said there are certain things that bother him...that "SCARE" him...and I asked him what..
He said that it freaks him out to know that he's like the center of my universe.
MY QUESTION IS
IS he losing interest because I'm not unattainable anymore?
Is it because he feels like he's "got" me and now its disinterest?
And if so...How do I RE-GAIN his interest?
He isn't the center of my universe...but he's a BIG part of my life, I mean...we were engaged up until 2 nights ago...
I just this its Harsh that our relationship be over due to something that we can work out.
I do lack in hobbies and I am emotionally needy..but that's because I had my guard up the whole time we were just casually dating...and now that its down...ITS REALLY DOWN...and I trust him and love him and well maybe its my fault for not playing "hard to get".
ADVICE...SUGGESTIONS... PLEASE!
2007-04-05 02:37:22 · update #1
OKAY,
I am NOT leaving him...is it soo bad that I'm Loyal and committed?
Maybe if more people were like me there would be less divorce.
I just don't understand how you people can think its so simple...IT THE HARDEST THING I'VE EVER BEEN FACED WITH.
But I come from parents who have been married for over 30 years...they've worked things out that most people would have walked away from. I know what things are intolerable and he still wants to date me and see me.
2007-04-05 02:54:17 · update #2
If you do get married, you need to make sure it's on even footing from the start, and right now it looks like it's 90-10 in his favor.
Give him a little space, but make sure he realizes that it works both ways and you're not the one waiting at his beck and call. Go join some classes, gym, friends nights out, book club, whatever and start giving him some space at the cost of your time and affection. Now's a great time to make a list of things you'd like to do and learn and get a few of them done!
Now when he starts complaining about not having you around to spend time with him let him know that you like this "space" thing and think it was a great idea, but if he's ready now to be serious about your relationship and future together he needs to RESPECT you and your time and begin thinking "we" instead of "me".
I'm sure you'd love to be able to fix this quickly, but marriage is a looong commitment so don't worry and take your time getting in a place where you both feel comfortable going forward. And I'm guessing you'll find getting out and expanding your horizons doing some other things rather than pining at home will help your perspective and self esteem. Good luck!
2007-04-05 04:44:44 · answer #1 · answered by Zaferus 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The warning bells should already be ringing when he proposed in less than a year. There may be no fixed timeline to a proposal but you definitely need time to get to know each other. Getting hitched just because he saw how wonderful it has been for others is not strong enough a valid reason.
Is he wanting to marry you because of what he saw in others or was it because he truly want to make you his wife and care for you?
It's a good thing he pulled out fast enough, getting into an engagement when both are unsure is like crashing a car into the brick wall. Spend time to get to know each other better. You have the benefit of living under the same roof with him now, take it as an opportunity to see if both of you can live together amiably. Eventually when you get engaged and married, this is very much how a marriage life would be.
If both of you can't stand looking at each other everyday and feel stuffy, things are not going to change just because of an engagement ceremony or a Certificate of Marriage.
2007-04-05 09:38:54 · answer #2 · answered by ET 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He has gotten cold feet - it happens sometimes. I'm really sorry but it is better to know before the wedding then after. Consider yourself lucky and move back out into your own place. My only suggestion in the future would be that you don't move in with anyone unless you have a wedding ring on your finger. Breaking up is hard to do at any time but it is even harder when you have to move to a new home.
Good luck. You will be okay and the love of your life is still waiting to be discovered. Consider it an adventure and a wonderful learning experience.
I had a friend who's groom didn't show up at the alter - so it really could be a lot worse.
2007-04-05 09:38:14 · answer #3 · answered by Stefka 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Any decent man who makes a proposal to the love of his life will follow through and make that commitment. Tell me something, what man isn't looking for that "perfect" woman to spend the rest of his life with? That's an issue not to just up and decide "Hey, I don't think I'm ready for the married life." That's a total lack of respect for your feelings. I believe this is more than just a case of cold feet. To continue on with your relationship Is a decision only you can make. However, don't waste years of your life with someone who needs "space" leaving what you want behind.
I wish you the best...Take care!!!
2007-04-05 09:58:36 · answer #4 · answered by aka_emt332 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like to me, that you both emotionally are not mature enough to handle a serious relationship. He sounds like he's all over the place with his feelings and how he views things. With you saying you don't want to let your guard down and feel needy; you may not be read for anything either. I went through those things in my 20s. I was in and out of the dating game, and it gave me a great chance to get to know myself and what I wanted for myself whether I was going to be on my own or with another person.
I would give him some space, and you can have a breather at the same time. This will both let you think about what's really going on and what you really want. Good Luck!
2007-04-05 09:43:48 · answer #5 · answered by suzlaa1971 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Give him some time to thinker, maybe he needs some spaces cos he thought that he become your whole..
Tell him that he's most of your parts but not all yet... Relationships needs both partners to communicate and share each other's mind and thoughts... most important is that are both of you in mind and ready for the MARRIED life? Share your thoughts with him... He's your bf..
2007-04-05 10:18:18 · answer #6 · answered by doraemon11 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh please, if you're perfect and he loves you then what's the problem? This guy just wants you in his bed, but not his life. Move out, get your own place. This relationship is going no where and you need to date other people to find a man who has the same goals you do. This guy will be cheating on you within 3 months.
2007-04-05 09:34:56 · answer #7 · answered by janicajayne 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Read between the lines! He's telling you something else....when what he really wants is out! Let him go! He's not worth your time, effort, love and life! Cry a pail of tear if you want...but move on! You deserve to have a better man than that one! God takes away what we currently have because He have something much better to give!
2007-04-05 09:45:55 · answer #8 · answered by noemi jane c 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
What part of "I'm not ready for marriage" you don't understand??
Have some dignity and move your sh!t out of his place pronto before you humiliate yourself even more by begging.
The engagement is off .... accept it.
The relationship is OVER and you cannot make something work if it's already dead.
He wants you OUT of his place and out of his life...everyone understands that but you.
It's over, get it to through your head.
2007-04-05 09:35:26 · answer #9 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
1st u moved in with him,he proposed and wanted marrige and now he wanted space.is OBVIOUS.He wanted space bc he feels he's done with you.bt thank God for you he even open up and tell you how he feels,bt still give him space as he said.good luck
2007-04-05 09:50:24 · answer #10 · answered by beautiful 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋