He told me he wanted to marry me ... why is he doing this now?

Question

Heres the story... I met my fiancee when I was 14 years old. We promised to get married when we turned 18. Then I got pregnant with our first child, we have a beautiful little girl who is now 13 months old. I am 17 and pregnant with our second baby. All up to now he has been telling me how happy he is to marry me, but just recently he said he feels like it is coming up too soon. (Which is crazy because I feel like its been an eternity.) We've already started planning the wedding and put a large amount of cash into it. When I ask him if he wants to wait longer he says no. He never likes to be around me anymore, and I can't figure it out. I know he loves me and the kids and I don't want to force him to marry me. Or to just stay together for the kids, but out of love for him I don't want to lose him. I don't know whats gotten into him. He keeps running off with friends when I am at work or at home waiting for him. I don't know what to do.

Answer 1

Take it from me because I am just like you. I had my first baby when i was 17and I got pregnant with my 2nd when i was eighteen. Me and my boyfriend now live together and he tried to pull that same stunt(minus the marriage). He was going out with friends and leaving me at home with the kids all the time so i took it upon myself to do the same. The only thing I did differently was take my babies with me. Men don't like when you do the same thing tho them as they do unto you. Your fiance is getting cold feet and he just doesn't want to tell you. Act the same way towards him that he is acting towards you. Trust me, he will come to you and ask what is up. That will break the ice. you guys have been together a long time just like me and my boyfriend. We have been together on and off since 2001 and I do feel like I am too young to actually Get married because I want to make sure that he is the one. So all in all, you guys really need to sit down and talk and see what is the problem with him. He won't know you are feeling this way if you don't tell him. Congrats on the kid on the way and good luck.

Answer 2

honey I was in the same place u r in when i was ur age. I feel in love with my high school sweetheart and we also had two kids. I am sorry to tell you this but u probably want be getting married. It never happened for us. He started doing the same thing. He was leaving me and hanging out with friends when i found out he was cheating. But i realized that we had acted like a family for so long and then when it came time to be a family all of the interest was gone. Where we mess up is: when it is time to be a young adult and just have fun we are so busy trying to love someone and make them happy. When in fact we should trying to love our selves. You have done everything that a married couple does so now everything is old. I just turned 30 in Feb. and i am still a single mother. I hope an pray that things work better for u than it did for me. And if not and u need any tips from a single mothers point of view then i could help u there too. But i hope u never need any!!!!!!!!

Answer 3

Most the marriages that end in divorce in this country are those with couples under age 20. Read the statistics. He's probably like most 18 year old guys and nowhere near ready to settle down and live a married lifestyle. Very likely having second thoughts. Hate to sound negative, but this is the way things often go. His actions will always speak much louder than his words. Bottom line is he is a father and he needs to take responsibility for that above anything, no matter what. Maybe just give him some space from the marriage part for awhile and take it easy and just focus on enjoying each other for the same reasons you originally were in love for.

Answer 4

A promise to marry is not a commitment to wanting children. When I hear you say that "you became pregnant", I can only hope that he was just as involved with the decision to have children as you were. If he wasn't, watch out, it will be harder for him to accept the feeling that he suddenly finds a lot more responsibility than you two had agreed. He sounds like he is running from his commitment to marry, and it is definitely because he feels like the life he has always known is over with, and it is, as is yours. This is the point in life when your needs and feelings take last place, and he will have to do the same if you guys are going to be able to work together. The fun and joy of life now will come from the sacrifices you can make for the sake of your family. Like it or not, welcome to adulthood. This is another strong reason why there is nothing wrong with waiting until you are married before having sex.

Answer 5

love really does move in mysterious ways. I guess you dont have to push it so hard about the wedding issues yet, Maybe thats eating him up and thats a signal he gives you that he is not ready. I know you spend too much money but sometimes money is not an issue it will always come. What you have to pay attention right now is the stability of your feelings.. both of you should evaluate and discuss what disturbs each other. Try to talk to him properly, tell him what you feel. You know if you get married only for the kids i think its nice because you love your kids and you wanted them to have a father around when they get old, bt sometimes its also not healthy to stay together if you dont get along. Always remember that the personal growth of ur kids.. they will always have a father.not just around them. Give him time. dont push it. as for you focus first in taking care of your kids . Let your fiance enjoy what he wants to experience and let me meet other people so he can grow . if he will realize that he cant live without you and ur kids then thats the time you have to accept.Make sure you pray and be strong.ok. WHen God closses a door he opens a window.LIght will always come in. take care

Answer 6

Could be that you're both only 17, and most kids your age are going out and experiencing freedom for the first time, getting to drive cars, going to parties, getting ready for college---

I'm not trying to be unfair but you're basically shutting off that option for him (and yourself). Your teen years are supposed to be fun, and I think he's probably feeling rushed and scared to miss out on being a teen boy, since he's already been a father for over a year and is about to start again.

Also, 18 is way too young to get married; you should consider waiting another couple years because by the time you're in your 20's you're going to be a completely different person. You may not even love him anymore. Divorce is a very messy process, and hurtful-- something you want to avoid at all costs.

Answer 7

You both have gotten involved into too much, too early. It is said that in every man, there is a child who wants to play. That child in him was likely taken away in the peak of his teenage life due to the seriousness of a relationship you were in. He probably has not reached out and explored as much and now that he has reached adulthood that he has discovered quite a part of him. He is in an age of maturity, teenage years tend to be dreamy, idealistic, and looks at love in a do or die perspective. Give him space honey. Let him breathe what he missed. He might or might not come back to you but it would help a lot if you show him that you are strong enough, and groomed enough to find a replacement. Give him a certain fear of loosing you all the way. As with the children, it is a result of your decision sometime ago which you must be responsible of. We are all given options, free to choose but we must also be prepared to accept and deal with the consequences. Move on. Strive to be happy.

Answer 8

I write to you from experience i also had my 1st child at 15 almost 16 and had a second one at the age of 20. I am no longer with that guy. you guys were and r so young do NOT force him into marriage i would postpone your wedding to a later date and see what happens cause i also thought i was gonna get married and things did not work out that way i am now 29 yrs old and looking back on it im SO glad i didn't go through with it. Believe me when you get older you will look back on things and think why did i do that.

Answer 9

It sounds to me like he is running scared. The two of you have not even married yet and you guys already have one child and another one on the way. I believe that is the reason why he is saying it is coming up to soon. He is afraid of the responsibilities that are ahead. But I believe that he would be doing not only himself but all of you tremendous harm if he does not go through with the marriage. Honey, You should sit down and discuss this with him and let him know that if he was man enough to get you pregnant and tell you that he loves and wants to be with you for ever then he should be man enough to settle down and marry you and raise a beautiful family with you.
I wish you two the best of luck
God Bless!

Answer 10

Because he's young, and likely the self imposed timeframe is looming and he's feeling a bit pressured and threatened. Wanting to do something, even for years is very different than actually doing it sometimes. I'd say postphone or cancel the wedding entirely at this time and bide your time- he may very well settle down after a brief period of semi-detachment, or he may decide that marriage is not what he wants now. You are both very young and have alot of responsibility already with 2 kids to care for. If you haven't already, I'd consider talking to a lawyer, even if you do get married, to sort out your kid's financial future.