Married ladies, I need your help with a sensitive issue?

Question

This is a worrisome issue to me. I am a newlywed and "certain things" are not happening as frequently as it should. I am so exhausted most of the time. With the move and the job. Cooking, cleaning and all the other things in a day, I am wiped out. We talk on the phone and we talk about the "certain thing" we are going to do at home, but we hit the bed and it is morning. I am one of those people that hate to admit when they need help, but I am very new on this one. Please help. How do you keep the "spark" when you only have the energy for a small flicker. I appreciate your help. Please do not be mean. I really debated to whether I should post this question or not. It is a little embarassing and very sensitive. Thanks for your help.

Answer 1

Honestly, I think it'll work itself out. You guys have just married, that's a major adjustment in itself, then all the daily things of living and keeping things going, does take a lot of energy. If you guys are tired, you're tired. I don't really think the spark is gone just yet. Give yourselves time to adjust to your living situation and each other. It's a great question to ask and I'm glad you asked it =) Just be patient.....

Answer 2

Hey don't worry. Pretty much everyone I know has been there- including me. It seems like it was all we could think about when we were dating, and then we got married and he was frustrated because I seemed to cool off a lot. It gets better with time. I know you hear the opposite a lot, but as you develop a routine, you'll have more energy for each other. Until then, I'm afraid it just takes some effort. Take the time to get yourself in the mood, don't limit sex just to bedtime, and set aside days where you don't cook and clean. And if it only happens once a week but both of you are comfortable with that - that's fine! Not to be weird, but my husband and I usually do it on Saturdays, and of course if we're in the mood during the week that's great, too. But sometimes having a day set aside so you remember not to neglect that part of your marriage helps out. Finally, don't be afraid to try new things -maybe you do anyway, but buying a book with new ideas, going to an adult store, etc can be fun and really get you in the mood. Best of luck to you and you hubby!!!

Answer 3

All women have this problem at one time or another in their life. So don't be embarrassed. Make sure you are eating right and exercising when you can....that boosts energy. And sometimes just having a scheduled "date night" is good. And keep the date. Meet at the gym after work. Both of you.
That gives you a bit more energy. Shower together afterwards. Eat foods that don't weigh you down and fill you up to the point of being miserable. Right now, the moving and job seem to be a culprit. All of this will pass in time. So don't give up. Don't put pressure on yourself to be "happening" ALL the time. Give each other massages or go to a dayspa together. They have couple stuff. Take vitamins and energy supplements like Ginseng. The main thing to remember is, don't stress over it. Relax and read a sexy novel or watch a love story together...but don't fall asleep doing it...lol

Answer 4

I know how you feel, my husband and I find we run into the same issue. We now make sure to give ourselves time at least once a week, which I know doesn't seem like a lot but it helps. We take a night that we go out and spend some time just the two of us, and focus on each other that entire evening. As long as you are both understanding that what is happening is that you are just both exhausted and noone is getting hurt feelings, you are okay. It doesn't sound like anyone is losing interest just tired. Try to work on the one night a week, and then move forward from there, once you get more settled and have more rest things should start gettign back to normal again.

Answer 5

Hello.... first of all, you shouldn't feel embarassed, it's the internet. I don't know you, you don't know me. That's the beauty of it, and if anyone is mean to you, well, then they probably have no business answering an adult question in the first place. :) Having said that, i'm married (however, we are divorcing for various reasons) to a hispanic and I can tell you his culture is the woman does everything. I'm not trying to get all racial, just giving you my experience.
It's interesting that you two discuss the daily chores during the day, & yet, if i'm reading this correctly, it sounds as though you're the only one doing them at night. Then you're suppose to be Mrs. Sexy in bed?? Trust me, been there. You will wear yourself out quicker than you know it. You should'n't have to be Superwoman. He can help too.
Talk to him. If you're already a mess to talk, when he wants to turn your room into the love shack at night, talk to him then. If you're newlyweds, you should still be in that "impress eachother" stage. If he has half a heart, hopefully he doesn't realize what he's doing to you by not contributing. Don't be like me and wait and "hope" he notices you working your tail off, scurbing, cooking, cleaning, washing, etc. I hate to say it, but, sometimes men just need to told bluntly, "Hey, i'm not Alice from Brady Bunch buddy, get off your tush and clean the bedroom/bathroom, i'll do the kitchen, and we'll meet in the couch in an hour. Otherwise, if I have to do it all, I won't be sitting for two hours! I worked all day too, so get with it! :)". G'luck to you. I'm sorry you had to post a question like this so early on.
(p.s. have you tried talking to his mom if she's still around? Was he raised like this or is he hopefully just not realizing what it's doing to you?)

Answer 6

It is hard to make time. I've been married for about 16 yrs. , we have 3 children, and he works a bad 2nd shift. So he pretty much goes to work, comes home at 2,3 in the morning and sleeps about all day. we try to make some time when he has off and the kids are in school. We may not do things as often as we would like but sometimes just laying with each other is enough or at least satisfying till we have a day. Be creative little thing are just as important. Try for a day off and bathe each other in a memorable day like breakfast in bed then maybe massage each other. Just stay in bed all day. That one day can make a difference till the next time. Good luck.

Answer 7

I'm not a lady, but I will say that a multitude of cleaning can be overlooked if there is enthusiasm in the bedroom.

Of course, you could go dominant, and get your "slave" to clean the kitchen while you and your riding crop discipline the submissive into cleaning.

You keep the spark alive by not letting life put it out, but using the spark to face life. If that means getting creative and/or not dusting and vacuuming a day so you have the energy to work on your man, then do it.

The world will not stop turning if you spend a day or two every week devoted to each other instead of being devoted to the world and all of your things.

Answer 8

Not a lady but can give a little insight.......If this is important to you then you have to MAKE it a priority, it shouldnt be something that happens after all the other "important" things are done. You have allowed yourself to place it lower on the priority list than "cooking, cleaning, and all the other things in a day". Move it up the list, theres no reason it cant happen befor the cooking, no reason you cant leave that"all important vacuuming, or dusting" till tomorrow. If you really think about it.....leaving for the LAST thing that happens befor you go to bed means it is the LEAST important activity in your life.

Answer 9

OK I know I am a guy but I think have answer first talk sexy send a naughty text MSG part way through the day or get frisky in the morning that is best hehe walking around nude always works maybe take a day off from the dishes actually we have a rule that it rarely happen in the bedroom so we don't feel that is were we need to be take a shower together something generally happen washing you will make him touch you and poof your all over each other happen every time for us so we shower together every day :D

Answer 10

This is a very common problem... so don't be self-conscious about it! ;o) Many people have busy schedules... jobs, kids, housework, just life in general. And often the time available (and energy, too!!) diminishes greatly. What you need to do is carve out some time, and then stick to it. The dishes can wait, the laundry can wait, the tv can be shut off, and you can stay up a little later once in awhile! In other words, don't just talk about it, do it! Also... sometimes you don't have much time, but you can have a "quickie" lol. Every encounter doesn't have to be a long, romantic liason. Just take the time to fit it in somehow! (pardon the pun!) Good luck!