How do I stop feeling guilty?

Question

My father died almost 2 years ago, and my mother just died 2 months ago. They both died in the hospital, and I wasn't with either of them when they died. Logically, I know that it's impossible to spend every waking moment at the hospital, especially with babies at home, and that no one knows exactly when someone will die. Still, when I think about it, I feel so guilty that they both had to die alone in a hospital room. Will I feel this way forever, or does the feeling go away eventually?

Answer 1

I'm so sorry for your loss. You have been through a lot of grief in a short period of time. I think you must forgive yourself for not being there. I'm sure you told them how much they meant to you and you spent as much time with them as you could. You have children and honestly, your first responsibility is to them, so you did the right thing. Try to think about all of the good memories you shared with your parents and the good times you had together. They understood that you had a family of your own to take care of and I 'm sure they were very proud of you and your children. Forgive yourself and make peace with their passing. Think about all that you did for them and with them when they were alive. Those are the things that really matter. Take care of yourself and love yourself.

Answer 2

You have to face the truth. They no longer think about that hospital or their deaths. You do. They are somewhere else now and way too busy to be depressed. I don't know if you believe in heaven but I do. And they don't get lonely there or think of the past.

We think that people are themselves right up to the very moment they pass away, but they are not. A general state of malaise takes over and they start getting much too hazy and dazed to even realize what's happening. That's real life, not the movies.

You did your best when they were alive. And when they passed you were doing what was most important to them both. You were raising their grandchildren and making their home comfortable and orderly. They loved those kids.

If your parents could see you for even one second they would thank you for a life full of love and the good times you had together.

God bless you Honey. Now let go of that guilt. Let it Go. It is useless and it prolongs the pain. Breathe deeply and let it go.
Do what they would both want you to do and let it go. @8-)

Answer 3

I had the same issue when my mother passed away. It took a while for me to work through it. When it came down to it I know logically there is no possibility I could have been there. You will have to work through the problem and come to the understanding that even when you have someone you love in the hospital you also have those that you love at home that need you. You were doing what was right for your children and I think your parents would understand and be proud of you for making the harder choice.

Answer 4

My great grandmother died alone in a hospital. I felt really guilty as did all the family that had JUST left to go get some sleep and a shower. We now believe that she waited until we all left. We think she didnt want us to see her die. I feel more guilty now for making her suffer so much from us staying there with her. Death is a sad thing. Dont think about the death. Remember all the good times you had with them and keep them alive with the memories.

Answer 5

Starfall,

You've got to stop beating yourself up now because the guilt will only dominate you like a cancer.

You are evidently not thinking of all the beautiful things that you have shared with them, that is where your thoughts should be.

I am quite sure that the love that you shared with them was more than likely their last thoughts before they passed on.

They were very much with peace when they passed on and you were in their hearts. The caring that you have shown here about your parents will live for ever in your souls.

You are still here to remember all those happy moments that you had together, so move on and enjoy the memories.

Answer 6

Its not your fault. Trust in God and pray He knows you have a family and expects you to care for them also. The important thing is that you were there for your parents and would have been there had you known. You have a good heart.