My husband wants to stay wit his parents forever. He has a younger sis( 20 yr old) but he said it's his responsibility to take care of his parents. I told him we can move out close to them so he can help them any way he wants. He answered" I'll never leave my parents".THey both working dad 55 and mom 46. I understand he's the only son but seriously I have no privacy. I want to be a mother and a wife but living wit his familyI feel we will never grow up. He always listen to watever his family said and want me to do the same thing. He paid off his dad's care, bought the mobile home, car insurance and take them to shopping. Ask for my help when he thinks his money is running out. I'm a stay at home mom with my 6 month daughter, I help them wit my foodstamp and sometimes help him wit my cash. I want to work again but wouldn't dare to leave her to someone else. My family is 6 hrs driving away.
2007-04-04 21:13:24 · 11 answers · asked by Lilly 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
am I selfish to ask him to move out when he's the only son?
2007-04-04 21:14:16 · update #1
are u of indian/pakistani etc....background? if you are then good luck trying to get your husband 2 move out....i hope that things work out for you and that your marriage stay's true to its course....good luck and all the best...
2007-04-04 21:18:26 · answer #1 · answered by lusty_for_knowledge 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No you are selfish. Has he ever told you this before you all got married? Your husband may lack responsibility and probably afraid to take care of a family on his own. But I must say to you, you must make some moves on your own. You said you don't want to leave your baby with someone else but you want to move out of your in-laws house. So my question to you is, what are you planning on doing since you don't want noone else to keep your baby and your husband refuses to move out of his parents home? If you answer this question, it looks like you will be living with your in-laws for the rest of your life. As a woman (and I am pretty sure I am older than you) you must become independent and not depend on someone. Your husband probably feels that since you do not work and have to depend on him, you will not be going anywhere. Always remember if you don't CHANGE something in your life that you are not satisfied with, then EVERYTHING in your life will REMAIN the same and this is surely a true fact.
2007-04-06 06:41:45 · answer #2 · answered by Shay 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are not being selfish because you want your own place for your family. Some cultures believe that should take care of their parents and I commend him of wanting his family in his life, but he is making a big mistake. As you described, his parents are not ill and they are healthy working people so what's keeping him there. Ask him to compromise with you because that is one of the things marriage is about (compromising). Tell him since you all are old enough to get married and have a child, you all need your own home to grow and have memories in. Ask him if his family has land near their home that maybe you all can consider building a home near his family. I could only imagine this being a unhappy situation on your part.
2007-04-06 06:05:25 · answer #3 · answered by Who me? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, some people are like that. It was common a few years ago for parents to live with their children. Now, not so much. This is definitely something you should have talked about before getting married, but we can't turn back time on mistakes. Are you selfish? No, you're not selfish, you just have a different veiw on the matter. I think you should talk to your husband and his parents. Tell them how you feel and convince them that you want a place in the area, but that you absolutely need your own home. If he cannot accept that and he absolutely needs to live with his mom and dad, you are unfortunately not compatible and either one of you is going to be miserable and learn to live with it or you're going to have to leave.
2007-04-04 21:22:39 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
" Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh" Genesis 2:24
I say that bible verse because that is what God intended men to do. I am pretty sure God is not saying forget about your family and go with your wife but outside of God, the wife shall be first. Your husband is not being fair to you. It seems like your feelings doesn't matter. Did he tell you that he will never leave is family before you all got married? Tell him that you all should have your own place because you are married and have a child. Explain that you all do not have to move out of the town since he wants to be with his family.
Seems to be that your husband does not want a lot of responsibility of having his own place. It's probably cheaper for him to stay with his family and help pay off their bills instead of living on his own. His family probably loves him living there because he's helping them by paying off these bills for them.
My suggestion? Tell him that you all need to be on your own, in your own home. If he still says he is never leaving, tell him that you may have to look at other alternatives. I understand it may be hard at first, but if you can live with a family member until you find a job and get your place then do that. There's no need to be in an unhealthy and unhappy marriage in 2007. Good Luck.
2007-04-06 06:19:49 · answer #5 · answered by stergre1975 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Hi,
Its time for you to secure yourself. If your husband wants to stay with his parents let him stay. But you made a decision to work. Send your daughter to child care. So many mothers sending their children to the child care from 2 months baby onwards. At this point of time, job gives you more security and save the money for yourself dont give everything to your husband. If you are working, you will get your own respect automatically. Trust me.
2007-04-04 21:22:40 · answer #6 · answered by Buju 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All I can tell you is that I feel your pain. I have been married for 17 yrs to a man that has always always put his mother first. I have finally had enough and I am leaving him. I am tired of competing with his mother for his attention and his affection. I honestly don't see that your husband is going to change. I tried everything to get my husband to change. I offered marriage counseling, told him how unhappy I was. He finally told me that he would choose his family over me. How do you compete with that? You can't. Good luck to you.
2007-04-05 01:25:44 · answer #7 · answered by Lorrie W 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They're not senior citizens! He's not telling you the real reason he's not leaving. he's probably terrified to try and take care of a family on his own. He will never grow up you're right there. maybe he's afraid to leave cause he won't get the mobile home in 30 years when they die.
2007-04-04 21:23:26 · answer #8 · answered by uknowme 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All I can say to you is YOU POOR THING I would hate to be where you are and i truly would not no what to do .you have every right to want to move out of there.If you love him you only have two options here you put up with it because you love him or you leave in hopes he misses you so much he will come after you to take you back so the two of you can get your own place to live.
2007-04-04 21:44:42 · answer #9 · answered by Teenie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first, you should have settled this before you agreed to marry him then you would have spared yourself of the predicament you are in now.
second, i would not marry a man who is too weak to stand by himself not unless if he is an only child with an old & dependent parents.
third, he should have not married at all until he can understand better what marriage means.
fourth, i'll be back -got to have my lunch. i apologize...
2007-04-04 22:06:16 · answer #10 · answered by jables 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋