ok lately my husband hasnt been spending any time with me. he stays out all night every night with his friends... and just a few minutes ago i got on the computer and was looking for a files on my computer and i found porn... tons of porn hes not home yet and its 12:30am here i dont know what to do should i say something or just prretend i didnt see any of this if i should confront him what the hell am i suppose to say??? should i ask him to not look at porn??? ive heard a lot of men watch porn should i just let this go or what???
2007-04-04 20:52:04 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well honey porn is o.k. Better to have he there watching a television than somewhere doing it. Ask him to let you enjoy the porn with him... sometimes we have to bend to make each other happy... I'm not saying lose yourself but you don't want to lose him either. Try to find out if there is something you both can get into together... Then maybe he won't have to feel like he has to sneak! And another thing men are social by nature. For some odd reason they feel that they have to be with other guys socially... maybe it can be viewed as a learning tool... Hopefully its not a negative tool he is using. Good luck, hang in there. : )
2007-04-04 21:09:57 · answer #1 · answered by SexyCole 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't get the problem. To me it seem the only option for him is either porn or nothing at all. You are not even an option, so I don't understand why you are getting mad. He would like to be with you but your not exactly available it seems. So your answer is. There is a ton you COULD do to save your relationship. For one, if you started having more sex, you would probably solve the problem. If it did't solve the problem, then you would know it wasn't your fault and you would be justified. If sex isn't an option, you try other things to were his desires can be satisfied with you. But if you just give him ultimatums then your relationship is going to end. This one, and the next one as well, and the one after that. You need to learn to solve your problems together and not just force decisions on him. Edit: You are right when you say your not enough for him. Take comfort in the fact that you wouldn't be enough for any man (or woman if you were into that) with your current attitude. If he can find the time to watch porn by himself without getting caught, then you can find the time to have sex without getting caught. You should cut him loose so he can be with a woman that actually cares for his needs and is not a selfish ***** that demands the impossible.
2016-05-17 21:18:50 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ashley--these problems don't just pop up for no reason. You are both not COMMUNICATING--somethings are lacking and neither of you know what they are---you don't have to bring up porn---ask why the needs to be out all the time?? Is it something about you ?? You say he is with friends--Male or female friends?? Better ask for a time to sit and talk--when you can have his full attention--talk nice--no accusations--no yelling or screaming--just a nice adult caring conversation about where the relationship is and where it is going. The past is gone---don't bring that up--or the porn either--there are lots of issues here. he may be at the age when men do the nutty thing about insecurity--they feel old and not attractive--so they go and prove they still have it---make him feel that he is still your biggest attractive man--keep him home--don't give him reasons to go out---it will take time but you need to start NOW. The porn girls are just on a screen---not in the room--he may need the stimulation that he doesn't get from you anymore---and he doesn't know how to communicate that to you. So talk it all out--reignite that flame--be a reason for him to stay home--give this a lot of time--it will take time......relax, be cool,talk NICE-- SMILE and good luck
2007-04-04 21:19:40 · answer #3 · answered by fire_inur_eyes 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd be more concerned with the fact that he is not spending any time with you rather than the pornography. No, I do not think the porn is the problem. Plenty of men and women veiw porn.
What you need to do is talk to your husband about him staying out all the time and never spending time with you. Don't do it in a nagging, whiney way though. Just say something like how you miss spending time with him or simply ask him to spend some time with you tommorow. Start with that.
As for what you are supposed to do about the porn? Mention it if you want, but personally, I wouldn't bother right now, you have bigger issues than a little pornography to deal with.
2007-04-04 21:04:54 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
The real problem is he's not spending his time with you, not the porn on the computer.
How is it that you don't know this? Make me wonder it's because of your attitudes that he is staying away from you as much as he can. I mean he is an adult male and you're all upset because he likes erotic pictures and stuff. Do you lack any understanding of the male human?
You remind me of the woman that wrote in that she "discovered something growing between her husbands legs and wanted to know what to do about this appendage"? Jeeze lady, it's part of what makes a man a man.
But really, why is he even married to you if he wants to never see you?
2007-04-05 01:49:09 · answer #5 · answered by JRSK007 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would be more worried about the fact that he's staying out all night long and not spending time with you than him looking at porn. Truth be told, I don't know of any man who doesn't look at porn.
2007-04-04 21:03:25 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
PORN IS NOT OKAY! Just because you have a penis does not ENTITLE you to stray outside your marriage for sexual satisfaction - either mentally or physically. You have a right to tell him that you disapprove of this behavior and that YOU should be the only woman he thinks about when he's having sex - even if it is only with himself. THERE SHOULD BE NO SECRETS. This excuse "It's what guys do - it's no big deal" is the same as "boys will be boys" - your GENDER does not determine the level of self-control one should expect of you. NO EXCUSES!
2007-04-08 10:46:26 · answer #7 · answered by CHERIE W 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband may have a problem, but it's for certain that your RELATIONSHIP has a problem.
What you need to do is COMMUNICATE, and not in an aggressive, judgemental way. You need to approach him with the love that's supposed to exist between you and talk to him.
I cannot assume anything from your question regarding the sexual part of your relationship. Are you both satisfying one another? Are there unresolved issues or preferences?
Your husband staying out late with his friends is a separate issue; that's just being inconsiderate.
Your husband's viewing erotica is not in and of itself evil or strange.
Erotica is simply an alternative form of sexual arousal; it is harmless fantasy and nothing more.
Regarding fantasy, Helen Fisher ("The First Sex," Ballantine Books, Feb. 2000) says that 71 percent of men and 72 percent of women fantasize while having sex with a partner. Men fantasize about conquest and domination, women about submission and surrender.
Dr. Joyce Brothers says, "It might relieve some of your guilt to know that many happily married individuals who have no thought or intention of ever betraying their spouse have sexual fantasies about someone other than their spouse."
Both men and women (single and in a relationship) have shown a desire to enjoy erotica in some form.
Too often, a woman's reaction to their partner enjoying erotica is one of offense; their sexual identity is somehow threatened; believing that their partner's arousal and satisfaction should come exclusively from their vagina/mouth/hand.
As long as a partner is taking care of his/her obligations and responsibilities (job, family) and seeing that the other person is being fulfilled sexually, there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with enjoying alternative forms of arousal.
Basically, you two need to talk.
If you have personal issues regarding his self-pleasure, I can't help you with that one, but you might consider doing some reading on sex educator Betty Dodson.
2007-04-05 00:50:04 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Watching porn is perfectly natural and every guy who has balls watches it, the rest lie.
But you should be suspicious about spending more time out with his friends, porn gives ideas that we want to try out and most of them are too dirty or risky to do with our regular girls.
2007-04-04 21:30:22 · answer #9 · answered by vaivagabundo 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you can install NetDog Porn Filter on the computer,that help you to block all porn sites quitely in the background when he's on the internet. http://www.netdogsoft.com
2007-04-05 22:18:12 · answer #10 · answered by beyondhelper 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋