cooking,gardening,i pay all the bills,BUT we do have a low mortage or nearly own our house,and he surfs on the net,watches tv and also goes on holidays with his pals ,he also doesnt get on with my family,but yet he is a good person underneath it all,what should i do.
2007-04-04 20:42:42 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
sounds to me like he's takin you for a ride. i think you need toget tough and put your foot down if that don't work find areal man. if he loved you fully he would help you out
2007-04-04 22:13:10 · answer #1 · answered by foxy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should talk to him or write him a letter about how you feel. Then, both of you should compromise and agree on each others' roles at home. Let him know that until he helps out, you're in charge of your household finances. Set the rules as to where your earnings would go, and just give him an allowance. Only when he deserves to receive one!
He should be taught about responsibility. It seems like you do love him too much, and I think the best you can do is to to help him gain confidence and help him explore the things that he is good at.
The worst thing you can do at the moment is to let him go. Everyone deserves a second chance, and am sure he does too.
2007-04-05 00:41:15 · answer #2 · answered by gorgeoustraveller 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry but he sounds like a worthless bum, living off you. Why doesn't he work? Has he ever worked?
Its bad enough that you work to pay all the bills, but for him not to even lift a finger round the house when he's at home all day every day. Personally I would give him an ultimatium - either get a job and contribute to the relationship financially and help with the chores round the house or leave.
Must put you under a lot of strain having to do it all its not really a partnership is it, the low mortgage does not compensate in my book and as for him going on holiday with his mates - you do realise your the one paying for his lifestyle of doing what he wants - he is living the single life but with you to bankroll him in everything he does.
He's a waster and you need to put your foot down or find someone who cares enough to share the burden of life.
2007-04-04 21:10:56 · answer #3 · answered by luz2loz 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
can not say i'm a lover of any living house projects, it is a desires would desire to chore. different than cooking - this would be a exhilaration no longer a chore. cleansing the bathing room is the least puzzling as there is hardly something in there, in basic terms the bare needs.. Oven cleansing I hate because it frequently is composed of chemicals. i do no longer care plenty for something that disturbs the resident spiders, by no ability understanding which way they'll run - aaarrrhhh. i've got no longer scrubbed the kitchen floor in lots of years, if I did it could play havoc with my knees. it is a speedy mop and bucket for me now.
2016-11-07 06:40:42 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi, I was in a similar situation, then one day I spat my dummy out and told him I'd had enough.
When we were both working the chores were split 50/50 but then he left work to go to uni. for 4 years, he seemed to get the idea that it was beneath him to do household chores.
I was paying for everything, including holidays, mortgage, food, utility bills and nights out at the pub.
The crunch came when he asked me for some cash to buy tobacco and I refused which left him speechless. I then sat down and let it all pour out about how much I felt like a skivvy and workhorse, he was mortified.
Eventually things did change but not very much, some guys at uni. had at least one job but he said that he needed to study so couldn't work.
Sadly, I couldn't take anymore and we split up - I'm telling you all this because I'm hoping that you can 'nip it in the bud' before you end up resenting him.
You say he's a nice guy so he'll probably not even realise how upset you are. PLEASE talk to him.
xMorsel
2007-04-04 21:00:26 · answer #5 · answered by Morsel 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sheesh, it is as though he is treating you like his Mum, you are running around after him and he will let you for as long as you do it.
He needs a job and some self-respect rather than spending all day on the pc.
I think you need to talk to him because as you say he is a good person he may just have got used to the dynamics of your relationship and not even realise he is being out of order.
If he doesn't change though you have to look at the pros and cons of the relationship with him. The fact that you have paosted though shows that you are getting to the end of your tether with it all hun.
I hope it all gets resolved and things work out for you both x
2007-04-04 22:34:26 · answer #6 · answered by Kerrybobs 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I work full time and help my wife who works part time with most of the house work so she can look after our child, i pay for all the bills and the mortgage and never go on holiday without either of them. I do this because that is what being a man is all about and i love her to bits. my question to you is how deep do you need to dig to find his goodness? you can use an Earth Mover to dig, i don't think you will find the goodness in him. LOOSE THE TIME WASTER!!!! he gives us blokes a bad name.
2007-04-04 22:08:18 · answer #7 · answered by cross 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is there a particular reason he doesn't work,health,injury etc. or is he just out of work and can't get another job. Has he worked previously and helped around the house.? If the answer to this is yes I think he may be very depressed and not wanting to be part of things. This can be helped by his doctor. If on the other hand he has not really worked or helped then he is just lazy and there is not much you can do to change him.
2007-04-04 21:02:13 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Are you happy? if so then stay as you are if not then do something about it. you can carry on doing housework gardening etc and he isn't going to complain I mean why should he? but what you could start doing if he refuses to help out is just do the things that matter to you cook for yourself, do your washing leave his (see where I am going with this?) and make sure you get holidays too.
BUT PLEASE STOP BEING A DOORMAT
2007-04-05 00:05:37 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
So what you are saying is that he doesn't pull his weight in this relationship. That might be because he really does take you for granted or even that he doesn't really love you. This marriage seems to be about "me" not about "us". He might be a good person underneath but this needs to be brought to the surface or the marriage will, in the end, fail. He needs to be confronted with the potential of losing you (and you need to mean it at the time) to see if he really wants to fight to keep you and whether he will share the load. Otherwise the relationship will only get worse. You need to respect yourself - and so does he.
2007-04-04 20:55:01 · answer #10 · answered by Aromet 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why doesn't he work? The least he could do is the housework. He sounds like a bone-idle waster. He sods off on holiday without you, at your expense?! I'd rather be alone than stuck with a malingering scrounger like that. Get rid.
2007-04-04 21:03:42 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋