Should I apologize or should she?

Question

I had this friend for about 7 and today i told her i couldn't take it anymore. Those weren't the words but that was basically the message. See she lives about 8 hours away. We went through alot of great things through high school and the beginning of college. She moved away and since I don't have too much money I couldn't go see her. Also, I lived w/ my parents and now w/ my grandma and its not that easy leaving without them being extremely worried I do have rules. So I haven't gone to visit her in the 2 years she's lived there. To me it seems that she betrayed me bc she became best friends with that other girl bc I haven't physically seen her new life. I know she is proud of it and so am I. She has offered to pay my ticket to go on a bus to visit her. But my pride never allowed me to take her money. I don't understand why I have to be there physically for her to feel my support and friendship. Its like everything we went through in the past doesn't matter.

This other girl lives 3 hours away and doesn't live with any parents or grandparents of any source. I have tried to contact her by the phone many times and she says I haven't. First she said that a best friend doesn't only call once a month and actually makes an effort to see each other. Her and that other girl see each other twice a month. But then when i told her i had tried to call her and she never returned her calls she told me not to take it personal and that she didn't even return her moms calls. So what am i supposed to think when she tells me I don't call enough but when I tell her I do she just says not to take it personal. I'm going to get married in July and she was/is a bridesmaid. I really don't know what to do. My fiance says she should apologize but I'm not sure what to do bc I know she will never apologize. I don't know if my pride will make me lose a friend or I'm right. I did read a quote "Only love can be divided endlessly, and still not diminish."

thnx for all the advice guys...i actually wrote an email...and yes i'm going to call tomorrow but i don't think 3:40 am in a good time to call to apologize so i'm going to email her...i have the letter here on yahoo answers and would like your input if you wish to help...i did use some of your words bc they really made me understand and realize many things...thnx again guys...ttyl

Answer 1

What exactly is the problem with your friend paying for the ticket??

It would give your friend pleasure to give you that ticket as a gift. Also she gets the added bonus of your company!

I think your friendship may suffer if you two do not find a way to meet up. So your parents and grandma have rules. You are an adult aren't you? Isn't it time they trusted you a little?

If your friend is important to you, and you want to keep it going, you need to show her she's important.

... just read your PS. That changes things. She is not taking you into consideration, not if she doesn't return calls etc. She is trying to amke you jump through hoops a bit it seems. Weddings can be very stressful. If I was you, I would only have the absolute nearest and dearest as bridesmaids. I only had my sister as bridesmaid.

Answer 2

People meet new people everyday. Sometimes they become close friends. You should be happy that your friend has a new friend to share experiences with while she is away from home. Just because she has a new friend, does not mean that she doesn't care about you. She offered to pay for a ticket, didn't she? This means that she misses you. You should probably accept the ticket, if you can. Just remember that her life has changed. You will need to learn to accept her new way of life and her new friends. Don't give up on a friendship because things have changed. Old friends can not be replaced. The new friends can never give her the memories that you two shared together, nor can they take them away. They are just making new memories in her life.

Tell her that you wish you could be there, but you are glad that she found another friend that could. Tell her to keep you up on what is going on in her life , and you do the same for her.

Your friendship has lasted too long to give up on it now. I am sure that you have gotten mad at her in the past, and forgiven her. It did not mean that you two did not love each other, and neither does this.

Answer 3

it's not about who should apologize.

you see, she didn't betray you by becoming friends with other girls, because people naturally are closer to those they can be with physically. it's normal. after all, as a friend, she would need someone who can be there with her, to hug her or just stay with her when she feels sad or something.

i know that you might want to hold on to what you had during high school, but you have to move on in life. the two of you can still be friends, but that doesn't mean she can't be good friends with others, nor does that mean you can't have other friends. i'm sure she still treasures your friendship, even with the other girl, because that's something that no one can give her again, not in the same way.

Answer 4

Hunny...She is going to make good friends anywhere she goes, I think that you should apologize and not let your jelousy of her new friends come between the both of you's. I have so many best friends because i do move alot. I have new ones but i still have my old ones and they are still best friends to me in my eyes. I haven't seen some in 3 yrs but we manage to still be supportive and loving to each other. Drop your pride and call her...if you don't you will regret it. trust me. Some of my Best friends I grew up with since kindergarden and i am now 25.

Answer 5

dont worry hunni!

i think none of you's should apologize. in fact, none of you r wrong.

first of all, she has a new best friend because she feels like she needs one that she will c everyday. and no, she has not betrayed u! she actually misses u....
that is y she offers u bus tickets! if she is feeling lyk u are not her best friend anymore, she would not offer u money. friendship is the most important thing in life. and i know you're in a gr8 one!

i had a friend who moved to blue mountains. neither both of us has contacted each other. but i will always know that she will always be my best friend. i dont care what she thinks of me, caz since i'm starting high school right now, i know that i have to move on. and she has to aswell.

so dont worry! i know in my heart that she hasn't forgotten u yet =)...and she neva will.

Melinda

Answer 6

It is never easy to move on in life. This girl is a clever example of moving on and forgetting that others have their own life that they live as they see fit. Keep doing what you do--make your own decisions--if they don't fit her life--too bad !! If a phone call now and then is not good enough, too bad !! You do what is right for you---ALWAYS. Good luck to you.

Answer 7

if the friendship is worth salvaging, then it is worth swallowing your pride and apologizing, no matter who SHOULD say 'im sorry' also try to look at things from her point of view. what if you would have told her you would pay for her to come see you and she had turned you down repeatedly? would it have hurt your feelings or made you feel that you werent that important to her? im not really taking her side, im just trying to help you to see her side.

Answer 8

it all matters. its just that new people come into our lives who matter too.

if she wants you to come see her and if she is still a good friend to you when you need her then go.

have fun.

see her new life and accept it for what it is - because if you don't then there won't be room for you in it.

Answer 9

I didn't even read your question, but here is your answer... You apologize, it's obvious you are blabbing about something useless and have too much to say... shaddup and apologize! Don't do it again jabberjaw!