What is so wrong with a 39 year old man hanging out with a younger crowd, when his wife thinks it's wrong?

Question

I dont see any particular problem with a 39 year old man with a great personality spending some time with younger friends. He has been married for several years, and has two children and a job. His friends that are younger, work with him. It is innocent fun for them to get a kick out of hanging out with one another, but his wife throws a fit. She has no right seeing how her ONLY friend is much younger than her. It is unfair and unjust. She thinks the worst of her husband when he deserves the very best. She is completely out of line when she gets angry that he wants to spend some time away from her. It is unhealthy in a relationship to be with one person all the time. A little innocent fun is what keeps a busy man sane throughout the work week. Am i crazy or is she smothering him and being unfair?

Answer 1

its called control, not smothering and both are very wrong. If she gets to go out with her 'younger friend' then so should he...if she thinks the worst of him, then why is he still with her???? and your not crazy, she IS a control freak!!!!!!!!!!! every couple needs their time apart from each other.

Answer 2

I will tell you what is wrong with a 39 year old man messing with younger friends. A married man does not need to hang out with anyone except his wife and kids. If he needs to let off steam he can do that with someone his OWN AGE! a Buddy or something, but his wife is not crazy or smothering him, She is being his wife!!! And to the "bright" one that wrote this question, are you married? have you ever had someone cheat on you? or come from a broken home? How do you think those kids will feel if their Dad leaves them to have more time to hang with the younger crowd. If you don't see a problem with this 39 year old man hanging with a younger crowd, then you must be a real sick person, or your very, very immature. OH, and is the wife's only "young" friend MALE?????? or Female???? Does he ask his wife to go with him, when he hangs with younger crowd??? If not, why not if doesn't have anything to hide? You said she gets angry when he wants to spend time away from her, he works, that time away from her, the other time he should work on his marriage. Why do you think he deserves the best? Are you "crazy" about him?

Answer 3

I agree with someone else that posted an answer. I think it depends on how much younger these friends are as to whether or not it would be considered weird. If they're young enough to be in school then I think your wife may have a valid point. If that's not the case, then I think she doesn't realize that you're both getting older, and there's not a whole lot of difference in 29 and 39. Not when you're co-workers anyway. I'd tell you to talk to her, but I'm sure you have. If you try again don't be a jerk about it. Don't give in to her either just to be doing it either. And always remember the family comes first.

Answer 4

I'd have to know how young before I formed a definate opinion. If they are mid 20's or younger, than I see how the wife can have a problem. Young men like to party harder, stay out later, and hook up with more girls. Think back to when you were that age. What did you do when you went out with your friends? If you would rather not say, then you know what I mean. As far as her and her younger friend (singular), they are probably sitting around the house just talking, and unless she got a baby sitter, they are probably watching the kids. And if that is her ONLY friend, then maybe she is tired of sitting at home taking care of the kids. Maybe she wants to spend time with her husband, or get out there and meet new women. She may be smothering him, or he may just be a selfish bastard. I would have to know more about the situation before I could say.

Answer 5

Sure she's upset... you two got married for a reason. You are old enough to know that when you get married, it's called "settling down". You are a grown man. You have no business at all "hanging out" with anyone other than your family. "Hanging out" is for teenagers.

Are you perhaps having a "mid-life crisis"??? Sounds like it to me. If you want to have your single life, then maybe you should set your wife free. Obviously you two don't see eye to eye and probably never will.

Grow up. Be a husband and father. That's why you got married and had children, not so you could be a kid. You said it is unhealthy to be with one person "all the time." That sounds like an excuse... so these "buddies" you hang out with at night.... you are around them all day... so in a sense, you are around them all the time too. Can't have your cake and eat it too...

You have to decide if you want to be married or not. Bottom line.

Answer 6

Dear Abby is the only one that gets it ,remember you are a married man first and then a father.Everyone is in tittled to a little R&R but it sounds like you are taking it a little to far and very personal.Tell me something when did you forget that your wife comes before anyone else.This is for MIKE sounds like your wife is out having some fun of her own that's why she doesn't care how long you stay out the longer the better she thinks.

Answer 7

(1) It sounds like you've answered your own questions pretty well yourself.

(2) If an opinion is still necessary, I'd say it depends first on how much younger these friends are. But, if she is just getting mad because you are spending time with friends, I'd say that can count as smothering and unfairness.

Answer 8

Well she could be acting this way for a few reasons. Maybe you should try to figure that out and address those issues.

If your friends are a lot younger and single, she may worry about what you would do with them. When my husband hangs out with his single friends, he tends to make bad decisions such as drinking to much. I also worry about what they might influence him to do. I also worry that it may make him miss his single life and want that back.

It may just also be how you act around them. My husband has a couple of friends with really bad attitudes (they are always really negative), and it tends to rub off on him. They don't care about themselves or other people and they tend to destroy our things such as our furniture and vehicles.

It may also be how often you are wanting to hang out with them. If you are wanting to do it every weekend then she may be feeling a bit left out. If you work all week then she may want you to spend the weekends with your family. Especially if she doesn't work, then she may just be missing adult time. I don't work and I look forward to spending time with my husband because I spend so much time with just our daughter. It is nice at the end of the day to be able to talk to an adult!

I, however, don't tell him that he can't hang out with his friends. He know the problems that I have with SOME of them and I leave it up to him. I also encourage him to have guy time, however I wouldn't want him to do it every weekend, but he knows that I don't have a problem with one or two nights a week or every other/few weekends.

Answer 9

do no longer attempt to chat on the 0.33 guy or woman..all of us understand you're talking approximately you. And we in basic terms get YOUR ingredient of the story right here... do all of us understand while you are going to get ****-confronted till 4 a.m. on a Monday night? No! so we gained't answer objectively to this question. communicate with your spouse dude, it is gonna clean assorted issues up. And on yet another hand, there is a few issues that are perfect in terms of putting and a few others that are no longer. i think of you are the right age to apply your judgment while it is composed of understanding while you're crossing a line or no longer.

Answer 10

If the man is not neglecting his fatherly duties and he goes out with his younger friends once a month, there's no reason for the woman to be upset. The husband deserves a boys' night out once in a while.

Answer 11

Well it depends on a few things.... like does this younger crowd have females that are stroking his ego and making him feel he's 'all that'? Does he spend enough Quailty Time with is wife and kids, or is he dumping them for more FUN with the younger crowd?

I'd love to hear her side of the story.