2 years and two babies later. Never have I had an orgasm with my husband. He climbs on... gets off and its over. I have always done all the work... and he never really cares that much if my needs are filled...only his. I dont understand this. He puts me down, tells me that he hates my hair shorter and so I go to get extensions and he tells me that I will have fake a&& hair in my head. He says that I am a fat cow... yet I am only a size 12 after having six kids. He accusses me that I am going to the gym to get starred at? Today, I got a pair of sweats on, clean sweats because the baby up-chucked on me... and he accussed me of getting dressed up for my ex husband who is picking up the kids for the weekend. I called a sex therapist to see if he and I could go in... as I have told him so very many times... talking, writing him emails, being direct, writing him in cards, having people write him... that I cant take this anymore. He looked at me and said, " What do you want to go to a sex doc
2007-04-04 16:15:52 · 25 answers · asked by Anna Q 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
he said, We dont need a sex doctor... why do we?" I am totally frustrated. I am good as gold to him. Every holiday, he buys himself things... and for example this last Christmas he bought a television that he and I wanted for our room and he put my name on it, so it would look like it was my television. This is after he took care of himself and all his expensive gifts. He went to bath and body and bought 1 lotion set and other lotion set from Walmart and that is the extent of the suprise. Now he wants to go away for our 2 anniversary this weekend... and I am not looking forward to it... because I know that I will be doing all the work... get my drift and getting nothing in return. I am depressed and about to have an affair. tell me what you think?
2007-04-04 16:18:55 · update #1
Leave him DURF
2007-04-04 16:18:46 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
WOW,, this guy sounds like a real piece of work.
First thing you have to do is start doing things for yourself. The only reason he is such a jerk is because you allow it. I know, you show that it hurts you. He says he was just kidding and you let it go. Right. Well, he wasn't kidding. And he will keep doing these things until you put your foot down.
I don't advise you have an affair. That would just be fuel for the fire. But you have to separate yourself from his hate full antics. Let him go away for a while. The kids are with the father? Now is the time for you to go and do something for yourself. Facial, nails, hell, go out and get totally shitfaced. (don't drink and drive) Whatever you do,,, put things into perspective and ask yourself. WHY IN THE HELL AM I WITH THIS JERK. Maybe you don't think you deserve better. Maybe you're not REALLY looking for an answer. You already know it.
Respect yourself. It will be over before you know it.
2007-04-04 23:57:35 · answer #2 · answered by relintles1 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In a situation like this I would say screw love, because it ain't enough. Do not let him treat you like this, it is a control game that sounds like it is turning into mental abuse in which that is worse then physical abuse. If he is gonna say you are fat, but then complain about you going to a gym, what does he really want from you? It is not a problem with you, it is with him, which I am sure that you are not perfect either, but no one is and this type of relationship is unhealthy for you and your kids. If he is thinking about himself all the time and dogging you all the time, then I would leave him before he makes you into a worse doormat that he can wipe whatever whenever on, and continue to do as he is. You deserve better then that. I am sorry that I could not be of better help to you, but if you even need to vent or just need someone to talk to, feel free to e-mail me OK. Because I know what something like your relationship feels like, so I understand where you are coming from. Good Luck and I hope I was able to help.
2007-04-04 23:42:41 · answer #3 · answered by sneekygirl69 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Isn't the whole point of having a relationship with someone to make both your lives fuller and more complete? So what is the point in staying with someone who makes you miserable? Honestly, why are you with him? You have done nothing wrong and NO ONE DESERVES TO BE TREATED THAT WAY. For every man who treats a woman badly there's another who's dying for the chance to treat you the way you want and deserve to be treated You probably already know him. He's the one who gets mad yet still manages to be there for you when he sees what you're going through. If you haven't met him yet look harder. aside from that you don't need a man to make you whole. I know with kids it must be hard on your own but anything's better than the emotional abuse he's putting you through.
Quite frankly honey, the only thing you've done to deserve this is allowing it to go on instead of caring about yourself and loving yourself enough to put your foot either down or right up his @$$
2007-04-04 23:38:35 · answer #4 · answered by PaganSoldier 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he is extreme selfish and doesnt care about you. He obviously gets off on abusing you. He has no respect for you. You cant teach and old dog new tricks. Even if you were exaggerating the situation, if he even more then 2 times left you hanging without being satisfied in the bed... or at least asking you if you wanted him to return the favor, your being totally used. You would be better off alone with a side fling. What is wrong with you? You have had six kids, your arent fat, your pretty in fact and you allow this? Do you know how many men would love to sleep with you and give you good sex? I think you must like the abuse because no woman with anything going on would live like that. Get rid of the jerk! This is the worst I have heard in a long time. As I said, :"You wont change him!" Do you want to live like this forever! Good luck!
2007-04-04 23:25:35 · answer #5 · answered by hotbushfireblonde 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Your husband is an insensitive, self-centered, verbally abusive jerk and you need to quit sitting around and saying "what's wrong with me" and start looking at what is wrong with HIM!~ Just totally tune him out, ignore him - and the next time he goes to "climb on" - tell him not to bother and hand him some KY jelly and a glove. You don't have to tolerate that treatment and if you hold your ground he MAY get the idea .... or he may not. Either way - hold out for what you want and let him know you are totally dissatisfied with the physical relationship and the way he treats you in general, and if he EVER wants to climb in the saddle again he better start learning how to treat you AND how to please you. Then he can never say he didn't know.
2007-04-04 23:24:42 · answer #6 · answered by cubfan 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Look, it's verbal abuse. You sound really down. Please don't be. You guys get counseling. Hey it's NOT you. Understand he's treating you very badly and after awhile it can suck the worth and dignity from somebody. You don't have to take accusations. That is an attempt to control. Insults and name calling are there to demean by an insecure person who needs to feel superior by namecalling you. You are special and matter and have experiences that matter. Your opinion matters and you are a whole person by yourself. You yourself are complete and don't need approval from anyone. You shouldn't be demeaned as a person. You have value and need only to believe in yourself. Remember that. It's very nice that you love children (having 6 kids). That's great. It shows that you have a large heart. I encourage you to get conselling w/the fella if he will go. If not go alone.
2007-04-04 23:29:05 · answer #7 · answered by bigdaddy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that he is insecure but the thing is that I think that if he can't respect you then you have to make a choice that is to stay and take his abuse or leave and start a new life. You have six children which some of them may be girls and you don't want your boys to see him treating you like that because they will think that is the way to treat women. If he is having problem with sex then he need to get help but they will not think that he need to get help.
2007-04-04 23:25:15 · answer #8 · answered by kool aid 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
WOW, the emotional assaults seem to stand out here more than sexual miscommunication. Ego, love pride whatever it is, my hubbie tries to go out of the way to make sure I enjoy sex. Not every time, I suppose because he has a greater sex drive but more than enough. I would say to talk it out but it seems like communication may be the problem. Good luck
2007-04-04 23:23:39 · answer #9 · answered by mizzmel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
only you can know what is wrong but since you are asking here it goes, ......(choose)
1 he dont love you
2 he is very insecure( so he needs to put you down so he wont be the only miserable one)
3 he is cheating on you and now cant see the beauty in you
4 he is very frustrated with his life and is depressed
i could keep going on with that but why dont you try taking sex classes or learning more trough a book just an idea . I dont know all your life.
2007-04-04 23:23:12 · answer #10 · answered by Aspettami28 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
WOW!! He sounds like a total jerk. I hate to encourage braking up a family or marriage but I wouldn't wish that kind of treatment on my worst enemy. Seriously, people say stay together for the kids, but its time to be think about yourself and leave him. You will be alone for a while but at least the outcome will be better. I vote to leave him. Guys need to appreciate what they have!!! I'm very sorry that you are going through such tough times.
2007-04-04 23:26:48 · answer #11 · answered by Reanna 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋