Here's the deal, over the past 11 years, I have rec'd at least 15 emails from women asking me if my husband and i are still married because he told them he was divorced or not married at all. Then I find out he has either slept with them or been intimate with them in some other way. Each time I confront him, I get the same answer.."She's delusional or she's out to get me or I don't even know who that is". I have found several personal ads and each time he tells me, "someone is setting me up or the computer is doing that by itself". I am not a stupid woman and he knows this. Yet he continues to degrade my intelligence with his stupid reasoning. I have proof that he's cheated on me, but he gets mad and turns it around on me. He tries to make me feel guilty because I found something out. He yells at me for snooping and not trusting him. He denies all affairs but one. I don't believe his lies, never had. I think he does though. Is there a surefire way to tell and call him on his lies?
2007-04-04 15:11:36 · 22 answers · asked by shannonfewell2003 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You say you are intelligent reading this it sounds like the opposite he is playing you like a fiddle. He will never admit it
he will always make excuses and if anything when someone is making excuses he is usually covering up the fact that he has done something. If my wife accused me of cheating and I was innocent I would go up one side and done the other becuase she has made an assumption that is wrong. This hubby of your is not doing that he is like I don't know her, or making up stories about these women how would he even know if someone was delusional or not unless he knew them.
Really you let his past cheat go by and he is just using you like a doormat. I do believe it is time for counselling and then if he doesn't open up in that then maybe look at divorce!
Consider hiring a PI or placing spycams in areas of the house if you work as well, and he may have brought them to your home. Or maybe hide a mini recorder in the car some where he would not find it encase he drives these women around?
I would ask him to reveal his email address to you so you can see if he is doing something or not if he is defensive upon doing this I would say RED FLAG. If he has nothing to hide then why would he care he can even be there when your looking at his emails. Really I know it is a privacy issue and all but if you have concerns of him cheating on you since you have merit I think he better turn over the info ASAP. Tell him if he loves you and he wants to keep this marriage strong that he fork over passwords and his addresses for all of his sites ASAP or he can consider this marriage ended. One question though why would you be getting emails from these women?
STOP LISTENING TO HIS CRAP!
God Bless and I hope you get to the bottom of this dilemma.
2007-04-04 15:47:01 · answer #1 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
His method has been working so far hasn't it? You say you know he's cheating, but he just denies it and he suffers no consequences. You may yell at him or give him the cold shoulder for a little while, but eventually you just let it be until the next time. As you said, you are an intelligent woman, so why are you putting up with it. That's the mystery you need to solve here. You know he's cheating, but because he denies it, you just put up with it and stay with him. Why should he tell you the truth. He's got the best of both worlds the way he's been handling it so far.
Don't wait for him to admit it. He never will. Just contact an attorney and leave him and find someone worthy of you and leave this loser in the dust.
2007-04-04 15:40:10 · answer #2 · answered by ? 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes, there is a surefire way. Hire a private detective.
The way you tell this story it's almost like you've resigned yourself to being the victim. It almost sounds like you feel this is a normal way of life. I mean, you don't even once mention that you're thinking of leaving.
It looks like all you want is that he admits to adultery. As long he admits to it and is honest about it, it's all right with you. He admitted to one. That satisfied you. But now you want more. That's what I read between the lines here.
Why haven't you taken control of your life? Why do you think that you should live like this? Maybe take some time off from this unhealthy situation and ask him to move out for a while so you can get a better perspective on things? He is manipulating you big time. Now it's your turn. You should be the one to outwit him for a change!
Good luck!!!
2007-04-04 15:23:29 · answer #3 · answered by Nina 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I know it`s a lot easier to say "you know he did it, why does he have to admit it?" But the fact is that most of us need to see it to believe it. I know the boat youre in. The fact is that if he`s been doing it for 11 years he will NEVER admit it. Now if it`s something he did a long time ago and he isnt doing it no more then dont waste your time on it. One thing you should always remeber though is this, if you are constatntly looking for signs of cheating, everthing you find will point to that, simply for that fact that it is what youre looking for when in fact it`s nothing. But if youre still not sure or you dont want to let it go, then hire a private detective, see what turns up.
2007-04-04 16:03:27 · answer #4 · answered by mythoughts 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't take the word of anyone on the internet or on the phone. If possible hire an investigator to get pictures and/or videos. If you can't afford one, get a friend or friends to help you and follow him to try to get pictures. and DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT. Keep a journal with dates and times of everything he does that is even vaguely suspicious. Of course, don't let him know your are doing any of this. Make hard copies of e-mails and get statements from anyone who may know what he has done. When you have hard evidence that he has cheated, it's time to get out. You shouldn't have to live with a man who not only cheats but constantly lies about it. After you leave, confront him with the proof and let him know that is why you left. Keep originals of all evidence where he can't find them and let him see only copies. He might try to destroy everything and you don't want him to even touch the orginals. Give them only to your lawyer and keep copies of everything yourself in case somethings does happen to the originals.
2007-04-04 15:37:06 · answer #5 · answered by sissyd 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A woman's gut is the honest answer. Your gut tells you he's cheating and lying. Plus, more than one woman is e-mailing you, how can so many people be out to get him. He is playing you like an idiot and you are letting him by staying with him. Get out while you can without any STD's. He won't admit to the cheating or lying unless you have video proof that you can show him. If he still says "It wasn't me" then leave him and don't look back.
2007-04-04 15:20:50 · answer #6 · answered by Kelly 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
"Then I find out he has either slept with them or been intimate with them in some other way." How do you find this out? Do you see them having sex together? Or does someone TELL you? You need to back up and realize that the problem isn't HIM...the problem is YOU have never trusted HIM and that YOU are looking for something to pin on him. Why did you marry him if you had no trust in him to begin with? Obviously it wasn't for love.
2007-04-04 16:00:44 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, what are you still doing with him? If the cheating has bothered you enough to complain about it, why are you still in the relationship?
Anyway, he must have some sort of distinguishing physical features. His size, if he is circumcised or not, if he has any scares, or birth marks or anything else that wouldn't be visible with his clothes on. Then ask any of these women to give a description of those areas, in as much detail as possible.
He can use the excuse that they are trying to set him up, but not if they say and he has one testicle that is blue.
2007-04-04 15:18:51 · answer #8 · answered by auditor4u2007 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
What do you intends to gain by discovering that he is cheating on you ?.Somebody is trying hard to make you divorce him ,let em tell you..How can 15 women get you E mail address ?does it mean that every lady he dates he will tell her your e mail address ?.It is same person that is opening multiple mail addresses to harras you.If that is the case the same person can also place adverts on your husbands behalf ad direct you to that site.The best thing for you to do is to ignore all those mails and erase from your mind cheating or no cheating,unless he brings a woman home to your matrimonial home ,that is when you will know that it is OVER DONE.After all if you divorce him ,who are you going to marry ? an Angel or another man ?.
2007-04-04 15:27:02 · answer #9 · answered by Ogbunigwe 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you don't...
sorry hon...even if you were to show him all the letters...all the lies..
the only delusional one..is him...
you are spinning your wheels being with him..why dedicate your life to this? how will this improve your marriage that has NO faith or respect...
I actually think that you should do this...and I think it will freak him out.. first of all...all the women who have slept with him...should come over...
after all...your marriage with him is pretty much a divorce process from being over..so what is it to him?? how about an intervention with the women he slept with all in the same room?
I mean..if you are willing to go through all of the effort...
make it well done!
THEN in front of all of those women...tell him..as you serve him the divorce papers...
Dude..you can sleep with all of these women...one more time..50 more times...hell you can sleep with all of them at once...or none of them...I am pretty sure they are sick of you as I am..and i think you'd be LUCKY if any of us even so much as talked to you again...
and have all of you women THROW HIS **** TO THE CURB!
2007-04-04 15:39:28 · answer #10 · answered by juanes addicion 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋