I left my husband a week ago. Our marriage is nothing but lies. I don't trust him or believe a word that comes out of his mouth. His anger is becomming very violent. He wants me to come home. He says he loves me and will change. I beleive he has been involved with other women. He is never really there for me. Can he change or should I go on with my life? Can I trust him again?
2007-04-04 11:25:52 · 27 answers · asked by runssome 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You cant change people, ever. They have to do it themselves and it takes time.
Often, when violence enters a relationship it becomes a circle. The "honeymoon" ( I love you, I am sorry, buying gifts, honey come home, i will change, etc), then the tension builds (start blaming things on stress, etc.) then violent outbursts. Then the circle starts again.
There is NO reason to put up with this- married or not. Cheating is abusive behaviour as well. There is a really good book called "When Love Hurts". Please read it.
When he wants to change, he will go out and get help himself, by himself, for his self. Till then what you see is what you will get with him. Your choice.
2007-04-04 11:42:46 · answer #1 · answered by Paradox 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
People can change but change is never permanent. He will go back to the same way, if he is becoming violent, he may change that but if the same thing angers him over and over he will eventually snap. You have to trust someone 100% every step of the way and if the trust has ever been gone then I think it would be best to break it off.
2007-04-04 11:33:46 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your husband is violent he won't and can't change all because it runs in his family.I bet his father or mother was violent toward one another growing up around that and seeing your father hit your mother or verbally abusing each other is all it takes to mess a kids head up.I would say the odds of him changing his ways are slim to none .That being said it is really up to you,how much do you love him,remember your love and his love are totally different from each other.Someone that grows up in a loveless home won't show you or give you what you need.Unless you are willing to stay with a man that doesn't really no what love is I would not go back to him.
2007-04-04 12:00:09 · answer #3 · answered by Teenie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wish i had an answer to that one but honestly i dont, i am in a similar situation but my husband left me over 1 year ago and he still hasnt change and i dont believe nothing that comes out of his mouth, i think that was the best thing he did was to leave me bcus he got worst and not better.
2007-04-04 11:59:10 · answer #4 · answered by MOON76 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People don't change, they can mature, but they don't change.
I think you should move on, if his anger is becoming violent don't let it end up hurting you... it only takes once to seriously injure or kill someone. If he scares you now, contact the police and get a restraining order.
You say your marriage was based on lies... You believe he cheated on you...
The question is not:
"Is he cheating on me, will he cheat again?"
The question is:
"Can I trust him to not cheat, or to never cheat again?"
I wish you only the best, Sweetie.
2007-04-04 11:34:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He won't change as long as you are his doormat. Walk away and enjoy your life. God did not place you here to be unhappy or abused. My ex-showed a bit of violence, but after 9 stitches to his lip; he has re gained some of his senses. This point, I knew it was time to leave...may not be so lucky next time. If there is no trust you have no foundation for the love to grow. Walk away, if it is God's plan--you will find each other again.
2007-04-04 11:38:37 · answer #6 · answered by reasonablelady 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to move on with your life. Four years is a long time to lie to someone. And you say that he is also violent?? It would be much safer for you to get out of this marriage. And cheating can rarely be forgiven, in my opinion. Do something good for yourself, and send him something requesting a divorce. You won't regret it. But you will regret ending up hurt by this man another time. Good luck with everything hon.
2007-04-04 11:33:08 · answer #7 · answered by ♥KP♥MH♥ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should move on if you truly think he can hurt you.
They all say that, he change might in some ways but not what you want. It is possible to trust him again set some rules if he can't follow you know the next best thing. SEE YA
2007-04-04 12:21:32 · answer #8 · answered by Fashay 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he has escalated to becoming violent you were very smart to get out when you did.
If you have questions about him being with another woman then the trust is gone.
Could he change? Perhaps. Are you willing to risk your life to find out? My best friend thought her violent bf was going to change and we buried her a month later.
Just be careful!!
2007-04-04 11:32:02 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He won't change, move on at least it's only been 4 years, my sister found out about her husband cheating after 20 years!!! Don't believe a word he says he will say ANYTHING to get you back.
2007-04-04 11:35:28 · answer #10 · answered by pamnation14 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋