My husband of 7yrs doesnt share his money!!?

Question

ok so my husband is a certified mechanic for a huge car dealership, we have been for 7yrs, and have 2 kids and one on the way. He is so in love with his money, he saves it and refuses to spend it! I work as a teachers assistant and I only make like 800 a month, I keep the job because of my benefits! I have to pay my car payment of 300 month and I have to pay for my insurance and I pay for groceries, babysitter, and all medical bills go through me! I once asked him to help me pay for the kids shoes and he refused said that he didnt have the money! He makes about $1800 every 2 weeks! Our home is paid for, and he is just so selfish! We have separate accounts! I just feel we should be mutual especially when it comes to the kids expenses! He just expects me to pay for everything and yea I always end up doing it because they need stuff! is this normal? Am I overreacting? Should I leave him? Because I truly cant stand his actions they speak very ill of him!

we do have a joint checking but everytime I use it he wants a detailed report on why I felt I had 2 use his money 2 buy it. He wasnt like that the whole 7 yrs it just started maybe 1yr ago or so when our 5yr. old started asking for things like T-Ball uniform and gloves and shoes that he said you should open your own account. I asked him to let me borrow $$ and he does but then he taxes me for it all the time! Im seriously frustated and I appreciate all teh real understanding answers all teh ppl that just answer rude dumb remarks dont get the point of this forum. and thats sad.

Answer 1

Honey there is NO WAY I would have put up with that for 3 months much less 7 yrs!! Are you crazy? Ask him what he loves most, you and the kids or money. If he says you then tell him theres gonna be some BIG changes or you're leaving. If he says his money then tell him you hope it keeps his back warm because you won't be there to do it anymore. DO NOT tolerate him treating you like that. When you wed you become as one and if this isn't what he wants then I would leave. If you have to bear the burden of paying for everything and supporting the kids on your own then why stay with him and cook for him and do his laundry?

Answer 2

Wow .. thats just, wow. Tell him how you feel!! He probably thinks if you were to seperate or divorce, you'd take all the money and go! But thats besides the point. Tell him the money you make is barely getting you by! YOU pay for everything there for YOU don't have any money. Tell him that next month your not paying anything, because you want him to know what it is to have to work and not be able to spend anything on yourself or even save anything. Maybe he can even open a joint account with the both of you and he can have some money deposited into that account ever pay period and that can be your pocket money. I would be sooooo upset if I were you! Whatever you make when your married is supposed to be both of yours!!!!!

Answer 3

Marriage is a partnership and obviously you and he didn't discuss the financial aspects of marriage prior to getting married. He has, in one sense, paid for a house in a short period of time, and does pay the utilities. You really just need to talk about it. Another thing you haven't thought about, remind him that the house and savings are half yours and that you can also get child support, probably retain the house until the children are of legal age and that if he doesn't work with you on the money issues you will let the judge tell him. Women with young children always win as the court system protects the children and the mother when she is the primary at home parent, which you are. If you don't handle this, your feeling for him will continue to lessen and just create additional hostility in the relationship, and cause damage to the children. If you love him, try hard to get this resolved, as money issues generally are the leading factor in most divorces.

Answer 4

Wow - it's good to know someone else is going through this too, if you can call it good. I recently left my husband of 10 years for the same reason (or it was one of the reasons anyhow). For some reason, some men are actually that selfish that they come first and the women they live with get put on the lowest level of importance. I don't think you're overreacting at all and he needs a good dose of maturity and responsibility. Be warned, though. I did leave my husband and he walked away without looking back - cheated on me 1 month after I left, knowing I was pregnant. If you do it, have a place to go and STICK TO YOUR GUNS. If you go back home getting any less than you are demanding, you will never be treated as an equal partner.

Where does he spend his money anyway? My husband has lots of toys - big TV, boat, ATV, you name it. Get him to prioritize!

Answer 5

Yes, that is very selfish of him. I think you should insist on counseling and if he won't go, file for a legal separation, asking the courts for temporary custody, child support and alimony and an order saying you can remain in the home, make him move out of the house and THEN demand he go to counseling with you or else you'll divorce him. That is rediculous that he hoards his money and won't share the burden of the bills when he makes $2800 more per month than you do. Most married couples share their money equally, or at least share the burden of paying the bills together!

Answer 6

I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and we live together and have an 18 month old son together. He brings home $1200 every two weeks and he even says if we get married he won't share an account with me or anything like that. He wants me to get a part time job to pay for groceries, even though he has plenty of money. But he makes me feel as if he doesn't have any. So I can relate to your frustration. Sounds like you need to have a serious talk with him. I'm just glad I know his stance on this before we even think about marriage.

Answer 7

Where have you been for 7 years? You should have put your name on the account right after you got married! There's no "yours" and "mine" in marriage, it's all "ours". If you do keep separate finances, you still need to have some sort of a joint account that each of you contributes a percentage of their monthly salary to, and from which all the bills and expenses are paid. Your husband's behavior is unacceptable. See how he likes it if you sue his a** for child support and alimony. I bet he will find the money then, but it'll be too late! Don't allow him to take advantage of you like that, the money each of you makes belongs to BOTH of you.

Answer 8

Let one of the utilities get shut off. See how he like to sit in the dark for a day or two, then perhaps he may be willing to help with the monthly expenses. If he still won't come around, then perhaps it's time to see a lawyer and find out what your options are.

Answer 9

Whoa, he is something else. These are his childs also and it is also his place as a man to support or at least help with them. He must be saving for a rainy day. I believe married couples should share everything and that includes money, if they can't something is wrong in the relationship. He should would not be eating my food I brought if he couldn't help out.

Answer 10

That is so wrong. It's ok to have separate accounts, but the expenses should be shared. He's not pulling his weight or providing for his family. I would leave - even if it's only temporary. Put your foot down - or kick him out. I rarely advice this, but he's not a husband to you. He's irresponsible and childish.