Should I call off my already paid for wedding?

Question

I am 25 years old. My fiance is 25. we have been together since we were 12. We are getting married in 8 weeks. I love her but I dont think I am in love with her anymore. I know its probably cold feet and I know other people have felt like I do now, but I cant help but feel that there are other things out there. Its not that I am afraid of commitment, I just feel like if I get married I will never know if life could be different. I think about what it would be like if I was with someone else all the time. The worst thing about this that is bothering me is that she is a great catch. She is pretty, educated, has a good job, and I know she loves me like crazy. and I feel the same way about her but I dont feel the passion like I used too. and I now that you wont always feel the passion but everyday I feel guilty of how Im feeling. The wedding is all paid off. Everything is set in stone. and I dont know what the hell to do. To top it off I dont even know how I would break it to her. HELP!!

Answer 1

Only you can decide YOUR future. Yes, cold feet are common. But, you gotta decide if what you are feeling is just cold feet, or if your mind is telling you that you are making a mistake. Now, IF you truly have doubt about marrying, don't get married. BUT, you must understand that doing that will make your fiance, and her family hate you. You should, if you call off the wedding, pay for everything she and her family paid out for the wedding.

Answer 2

after 22 yrs. married, I do still feel the passion. you are 25, on top of the world. Either you are in love or you are not. My only 'regret' if I have any--is that I wish I had traveled before I got married to my hubby. I've been to all of Europe, but if I were you I would go single, or with a good friend. For me I don't mean sleeping around, that's not my point. Thank God my husband lets me travel even if he has to work.. You are so right-you have no idea what you are missing. I do know what you are missing. You may have to just tell her over dinner. This really is better, if you have an adventuous spirit like I do. As for the $--just absorb it, it's the lesser price to pay.

Answer 3

Bottom line is you should enter this agreement with a clear conscience and no regrets. To start a marriage with malice in place is like lighting a long wick and anticipating the worse. Regardless of the financial aspect, you need to cater to number one and cut your losses. A wedding is a one day event a marriage should be for life. If you can not overcome the shame of ditching him, will you be able to overcome an empty life with her and all the baggage that produces? And what if there are kids? This is a serious commitment and should only be entered under the right reasons. You may also be able to salvage your deposits by postponing the event and work on rekindling the flame. But if it is a matchlight you get when you want a bonfire, you need to take care of number one (and her, too, in all fairness).

Answer 4

Listen. You can call these doubts you are having "cold feet" or whatever but instead of trying to qualify/justify your feelings in words and through other people's experiences I think that you need to try and listen to your natural instincts.

The whole idea that you will forever wonder what it would be like to be with some one else is kind of crap. Because every decision you make (on a large or small scale) you are forgoing all other options. However, with love, it should not feel like this.

And honestly, it would not be fair to her especially for you to marry her without 100% of your heart. Although I have to say that "calling the whole thing off" does seem a bit dramatic.

Answer 5

You probably just are getting cold feet, but the reason you are wandering what it would be like to be with someone else is because you've never been with anyone else. You should have thought about this before you asked her to marry you! I think you need to be the one to decide what to do now, not a bunch of strangers. Time to do some serious thinking about why you are getting married. While you're at it, try thinking about what your life would be like without her. Do you think anyone else could make you as happy as she does? Also, it's normal to feel like the passion has faded, but you've got to do what you've got to do. Start by sharing your feelings with your fiance, but maybe not in as much detail. Maybe she feels the same way, but she might say something that makes you remember why you asked her to marry you in the first place.

Answer 6

Don't go through with it if your having second thoughts. Be honest with her now and talk about your feelings with her. You can't feel guilty about your feelings, only way you should feel guilt is if you continue on with this wedding knowing you might not stay married. It is cheaper to know now than later with a divorce and kids. Only you can make up your mind. I can only tell you I had second thoughts and didn't follow through with them, now I am divorced. It doesn't mean you two can't get married later, but for now be honest and tell her how you feel. She deserves to know. How do you think 5 years from now(if you go ahead and marry) that you will feel waking up next to her. If you can't see that, then you need more time.

Answer 7

Bottom line, if you do not want to get married, DON"T. I do really feel sorry for you, but you would be smart to talk to your fiance, at the very least postpone your wedding, do not set a date. She might go ballistic, be prepared. You do not know how hard a divorce is , I do, so avoid that in advance if there is ANY DOUBT.

Answer 8

I don't know if I really have a good answer, but if you let her go, more than likely you'll never get her back. If you're feeling this way you should let her know because it isn't fair to marry her with this on your chest. Maybe you could just extend the engagement. But just remember, the grass isn't always greener on the other side.

Answer 9

NO you should not you have been with her for a long time now its just a thing ur going through i know from exp. what would you thinik if you went out to the world and wasnt satisfied you think she would take you back no. what im saying is be happy with what you got you got a beautiful woman who loves you more than nething in the world.
think about it make the right desision

Answer 10

It is better to cancel a wedding than to file for divorce. Tell her you need more time. She may not like it and she may end the engagement. You can't blame her for that. You created the problem. Ask yourself whether you would be better off with her or without her. That should take care of your doubts.