My husband just broke something of mine that cannot be replaced.?

Question

I broke something of his that can be.
He gets like this from time to time.
He talks like these things are my fault and comes up with excuses.
I am afraid of what will happen when he comes in, either he will be saying he wants a divorce, he'll leave and act like I'm the bad guy, or he will get even madder.
When it all blows over he will blame me and then talk like he was not the one who was mad to begin with.
I am afraid that if he leaves, I will not have a place to stay and be on the streets (he told me he won't leave me and he loves me days after going ballistic and talking divcorce when I gave him an ultimatum).
I have physical problems and am very financially dependaent and isolated and don't have anywhere to go; he has a place to go with lots of women to comfort him when he has problems with his mean bad wife who makes him abuse her (me). He also still has relatives and supportive parents (but won't go b/c that's "defeat"--I thought this was supposed to be love not a war).

I feel so trapped and helpless, and I don't want to go to a women's shelter or live in the streets. I just don't know how I'm going to make it through this whether the marriage works or not.

He broke it on purpose, I think. I asked him to help me carry in something because I physically could not, so he got mad and threw the big plastic box that I couldn't carry & without even thinking he just got mad and broke something of mine that got in his way of throwing my box around. Then he put his foot on the bottom of it and yanked on it to straighten it up but it did not. He has done these things to my other belongings that were replaceable: thrown them away, given them away, broken them. He also throws and breaks other things when he has fits or temper tantrums. Then the excuses come that it is not on purpose and he is not mad, or I made him do it.

Answer 1

Only you can change your situation. Get a plan together. Start putting away money, get creative a dollar her and there adds up. There are many classes on line for free, find what makes you happy. Soon you will be stronger and prepared to get away from what seen like a unhappy life. Being happy is your own responsibility, take charge of you life. We all deserve to be happy.

Answer 2

GET COUNSELING from a good psychiatrist. You would be amazed at how much it can help! A good counselor should be willing to give you a free initial consultation so that you can figure out if it is right for you. I am surprised that no one has said this very key step in their answers yet.

You must first figure out yourself before you can make important decisions about your marriage and your life. If you don't get counseling and take any of the other steps that people have suggested (leaving, going to a shelter, etc.) then you will be likely to repeat the pattern of falling into abusive relationships. Know thyself first and take control of your situation second!

Answer 3

Well, here's the thing. It doesn't sound like you're in a healthy marriage. It's unfortunate that your health is the best =(, but this truly shouldn't hinder you. You deserve better than this, you know? Don't do anything right now, just think about things and how different your life could be if you make those changes. I'd rather live in a women's shelter than for someone to treat me that way. If he chooses to leave, good, let him leave. You don't think you'll be better off, but you might =)

Answer 4

Did he break your thing on purpose (to underline a point during an argument)? Or was it an accident?

If an accident, you turning around and breaking something of his is extremely childish and malicious, almost as if you're looking for ways to get a rise out of him.

If on purpose, then that says frightening things about his impulse control when he's angry. You turning around and breaking something of his under those circumstances is extremely childish and stupid, almost as if you're looking for ways to get a rise out of him (and more dangerous in this circumstance).

You mention in passing 'abuse', and I'm honestly not sure whether there is or is not abuse. If he's breaking things during arguments then that's a sign that he might escalate into physical violence. On the other hand, I've seen a lot of women on here that define abuse pretty broadly (including in one memorable case, when the husband wasn't nice enough to her on her birthday).

If he's gotten physical with you and really abused you, then you need to get to safety. If you've gotten physical with him (and be honest with yourself if you have) then you need to get some help.

As for the health limitations you mention and not being able to support yourself, I'm afraid that you're bs-ing yourself on that. You're able to type and use a computer, there are a ton of different jobs you can do from home to earn income using just those two skills. Don't let yourself believe you're helpless, that's simply not true.

If there's real abuse going on, then you need to get out of this relationship and out of danger. And you need to do it immediately (stop offering excuses to stay).

Answer 5

Don't sit by and be abused Go to that women's shelter and get the help you deserve. Think about applying for disability if you can't work at least talk to the shelter about free counselling GOOD LUCK

Answer 6

the pain a person inflicts on others is proportionate to the pain they feel inside themselves, he is unhappy so he brings you down to his miserable level. Nice guy huh? I have been there you need to get out and fast, there is help for women in your situation, you just have to realize staying there is only going to make things harder. He likes you being dependent on him, he is an abusive man. make a plan, get out, keep a journal of what he says and does(these will hold up in court) so you have documentation. this helps if you need a protective order, etc. good luck..get out while you are young don't let him get your best years.

Answer 7

The fact that you turned around and broke something of his make you the same. You are just as at fault with this dysfunctional relationship, if not more.

Get your act together and things will get better.

Answer 8

Honey...bless your heart. I am sorry...I have to tell you...he knows you will take anything he dishes out to you...because you are desperate....is there anyway...you could get a little job....just to feel independent? Honey...you are in for some worse times...because he sounds like a jerk.

You need to make yourself go out and earn some type of living....helping clean a house or sitting with the elderly...something to earn your Independence.
No one should live like you feel.
I hope you will seek God for His help.

Answer 9

He is controlling and abusive. There are worse things than living in a shelter and it's only until you can get back on your feet. You need the therapy and help that they can give you.

Answer 10

u really need to find a way to get out of this, he will never change, he is treating u the way he feels about himself. what ever the problem is it lies within him. marriage is not suppose to be that bad, unless u got the wrong mate.