My wife of 9 years tells me that she does not love me, and she has gotten involved with her friends husband and now they too are separating and divorcing. She kissed him and talks to him every day. Even while we were on vacation in mexico. What I am concerned about is that that prior to us meeting she was married and cheated on her husband to get out of an abusive marriage, ours is not in any way abusive. I have given her the world and three lovely daughters. I realize that it is over, but she will not move out nor will she stop talking to/seeing the guy while under our roof. She will make no attemts to restore any faith in herself in my eyes, everyday she disrespects me more, I cannot leave as I am fearfull of the legal ramifications. She has no viable plan for the future nor does she want any more help from me. I do not doubt her ablitites as a mother but her actions speak to unstability and I am fearful that my daughters welfare will be sacrificed at some point. Help!
2007-04-04 10:28:09 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Lei's answer is the best, just want to second what she's saying. Man I really feel for your situation, but it's definitely time for you to take action.
See a lawyer and initiate divorce proceedings immediately. Under these circumstances you've got a good shot maintaining custody (and your daughters' welfare should be paramount).
I also think it's likely that her first marriage wasn't abusive like she claimed, and you have no idea what claims she's making to the new guy about you to justify her actions. That's just speculation, but again you need to get to a lawyer and start getting proactive about protecting yourself. If she's trying to paint you as an abuser and you don't even know it, it could really hurt your chances of maintaining custody.
She sounds like a very selfish and childish person, I truly feel sorry for the pain you must be experiencing. Nevertheless, put any hurt and anger aside and just concentrate on what's best for your daughters. Get to a lawyer and start putting the pieces together so when the end comes you'll be protected.
2007-04-04 10:44:41 · answer #1 · answered by Jon S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow I am sooo sorry for you. First you need a lawyer. It has to be done. Adulterers rarely profit from divorces. Ask your lawyer how to get her out so that you can maintain custody. Second, this is not your fault. I know many people who fall into patterns of cheating on their mates, and always come up with some excuse, some way of blaming him for driving her to cheat. They are selfish people. Third, be very careful about not unloading on the kids. Don't say bad things about mom in front of them. Kids pick up on the slightest thing. Treat them well and they will realize that you always took care of them. Good luck, I feel for you
Oh it helps to make a list--dates & such--of any occasions which might be relevant to the divorce
2007-04-04 10:34:54 · answer #2 · answered by lei 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you want out of this relationship and from what you are describing there is no reason to stay, then you should start filing divorce papers, citing her cheating as the reason. Once the ball gets rolling, she will have to either move and then you buy her out if you two own a place, or vice versa. You will obviously want to keep seeing the children, so you should be asking the judge to share custody of them. There is no reason for you to deal with her behavior, so seek legal counsel as soon as possible. Good luck to you!
2007-04-04 10:35:27 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seek legal advice and maybe some counselling for the emotional effects she is having on you and your children. They might tell a professional something that they won't talk to you about because they are afraid it will hurt you and because kids see and hear way more than we want them too it is likely that they are already hurt by her behaviour. A lawyer can tell you what action you can take to get her out of the house and how to protect your children.
2007-04-04 20:03:54 · answer #4 · answered by C T 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
afraid of legal rammifications...dude have you been living under a rock for the last 4 decades...do you realize that if You divorce your wife because she is cheating one you...and you can prove it....you will be awarded everything...custody of the kids, the house, keep your money...so time to grow some hair on your boys down there and kick the beeach the **** out of your house...
no i mean really, go right now, grab that cheating good for nothing ***** by the hair, open the front door and show her what getting the HARD treatment is as she hits the sidewalk...
do it NOW...i cant believe you would stand for such a thing....and believe me, i bet her first husband never hit her, she just used that as the excuse cause guys are so stupid about crap like that...
2007-04-04 10:35:43 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
First of all STOP lieing to yourslf. Sounds abusive to me. Cheating, expecting you to deal with it. Man, you sound so messed up. Any legal issuses would be better than this and your daughters are only learning to treat a man bad. Stand up for yourself. Get OUT. Being in this marriage will hurt your kids, and don't marry a cheater. Male or female. You are allowing her to do this. Sorry but you are.
2007-04-04 10:50:05 · answer #6 · answered by openminded 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to document her actions,the cheating,the abusive attitude toward you,and anything else you think might help you in a court of law. after you have these things documented,hire a lawyer and toss her out. at least this way,you will have some things in your corner.
as far as you marrying a woman that was cheating on another to be with you,what did you expect? i think if you think back really hard through the years,you will remind yourself of times when she stayed out late, or didn't come home. or did some trivial lying to you . those were times she was cheating as well. you had to know this was coming.
good luck and god bless you all! your all in my prayers !!!!
2007-04-04 10:40:32 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you need to do is get an attorney and have him file a restraining order he can have your wife evicted from the premises and if she tries to come back she can be arrested.
Show no mercy because it sends the wrong impression to your daughters let them see what happens when you cheat that there are consequences for your actions.
2007-04-04 11:03:19 · answer #8 · answered by miester44 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. I'd say that it's time you put your foot down. There are going to be some legal things to deal with, but I'd rather have that than deal with someone like that who acts like that. What is she teaching her daughters? What are you teaching them by staying with someone who acts like that? It sounds like she might have serious esteem issues, otherwise cheating wouldn't really be an issue. File for divorce, call an attorney, and try to move on with your life. You and your girls deserve a better lifestyle =)
2007-04-04 10:38:51 · answer #9 · answered by suzlaa1971 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, it is history repeating itself, in my view. If she is seeing this guy outside the home, and you are legally separated, or she let you know it's over...how is that?
I agree she's not setting the best example, but she sounds like she has issues to deal with anyway. Don't do anything hasty and just follow along for your daughters.
2007-04-04 10:33:03 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋