My wife has no sex drive!!?

Question

Let me preface this by saying that I love my wife with all my heart. She is a good woman and I am NOT leaving her. I love her too much to let something like sex tear us apart. Sex means a lot to me (I'm a man) but not enough to leave my wife over. Now...I'm 29 and my wife is 30. I have the sex drive of a typical male (all the time) and she has absolutely none. The funny thing is it was like this from the start. She just doesn't seem to want to have sex, ever. If we never had sex, she's be perfectly fine. I feel like the only reason she has sex with me for two reasons: 1) because she HAS to 2) to make sure I'm still attracted to her. It's like a chore for her because when we're finished, she gets right up and goes straight into the bathroom and cleans up. Another thing is that I am ALWAYS the aggressor. My wife absolutely positively NEVER initiates the sex. I've tried everything...romance...forepla... the whole nine. She enjoys it but getting her to do it is like pulling teeth.

She has this "rule" that we are "not to have sex during the week because I don't want to smell like sex at work." to me that's a lame excuse. something else that happened today is that she asked me to do her a small favor and i jokingly said "on one condition" i honestly wasn't even going to mention sex but before I could get another word out she said "nevermind, I'll do it myself." It's like she hates sex and it's starting to bother me a lot. I'm a great looking guy (i'm telling the truth here), I have a good size penis (a little over 8 inches), and I've got great stamina, and i'm the king of foreplay. What gives????

Well I know that in her previous marriage, her husband was in the military and after she had her daughter, they gave her a shot and she's not been pregnant since. We've had unprotected sex with no form of birth control for almost 5 years and she's never even been close to being pregnant. so that may have something to do with it.

Answer 1

Stupid rule of hers but does she happen to be on birthcontrol? They say birthcontrol can ruin your sex drive

Answer 2

Hail to the king of foreplay... jeeze after people get married the husband just wants the goods and that's that..

I realize that you've tried everything, and that's great, but maybe you need to stop trying.

Kiss her. One thing that men always forget is a good make-out session where no one wants sex. Just kiss her, make it one of those beautiful, passionate kisses, but DON'T TOUCH HER anywhere that might be sexual.

This is the easiest way to seduce a woman:

When kissing her (make sure it's not sloppy and don't force her head into your mouth) just kiss her and be sweet about it. Put your hand on her ribcage, right below her breast, but don't move it up at all. While you are kissing her do not mention how sexy she is, instead tell her how lucky you are to have her in your life, or thank her for being with you.

Don't initiate sex at all, and try not to let her do it either. Keep having these kissing sessions and she will begin to get seriously turned on (just like the girls did in high-school). Soon she will be the one that wants sex.

Hope it works... sex is a very important part in a marriage, and if you are not sexually satisfied things can go down hill pretty quickly.

Answer 3

It sounds to me like something more serious is going on for one a women never has to have sex with there mate it is a choice your wrong there. I also think that maybe she is dealing with something else she doesn't know how to tell you.
Get into counselling ASAP go out on the town maybe you control her to much and she is just tired of going to work and coming home all the time she needs a night out plan a date get a babysitter. Tell her that is why they invented showers and that is the lamest excuse you have ever heard. Really though maybe you just are bad in the sac or she is tired of the same crap time after time maybe it's time to ask her what she wants in the relationship. It's time to put the whole sex thing on the back burner and open the communication
between you guy's. She could just be going thorough something and she doesn't know what to do she needs some therapy and just be supportive ask what you can do for her and run those errands and stuff without the stupid remarks. Really wake-up you say you love her then prove it actions speak louder then words.

Answer 4

Your wife's problem could either be psychological or physical. Maybe she was raised in a strict (almost puritan) environment that "teaches" sex is solely for procreation and is not to be enjoyed for any other purpose. It is also possible that she wasn't adequately instructed about sex during her adolescent years which made her fearful more than curious. You didn't mention children. There are also some women who are rather adverse to making love for fear of getting pregnant (it's not the kids that they don't like; they are just scared of giving birth).

Then too, she may be experiencing pain during the love-making. Some women just never quite open naturally so your entry is really giving her more pain than pleasure because she's so tight (and uptight too). And no amount of lubricant can ease her pain because it's in her mind already.

It's not you who's doing the wrong things. It's your wife who's not responding normally. She needs professional help. Please talk with her and convince her this is the only way. Love making is the ultimate joy for married people - tell her you want her to experience that total Ecstasy because you love her so much. See a doctor soon.

I salute you for being a very considerate husband/lover.

Answer 5

That's a dumb rule i think that's just an excuse for her not to have sex tell her it's CALLED A SHOWER....trying going to the doctor and getting some of the pills that help with that type of stuff ... or maybe she can't feel anything and doesn't have an orgasim in that case why would she want to have sex.. there's a shot for that but i forgot what it's called

Answer 6

She really needs the stage to be set correctly first, like go on a trip even a weekend trip, but it must be very tasteful, NO SLEEZE.
A really pretty B.& B. away from your hometown. Actually the longer you're away, a week or 2 and the further away the better. A dinner at a romantic place but do not talk about sex or make any over-tures, and don't stare at her. She'll think you're wanting sex [which you are]. Almost act like a friend. She'll feel more comfortable that way.
When you seem like you don't care about sex too much, she'll relax more. She needs certain things to make her feel loved, and right now sex isn't one of them. I feel certain the very last thing she will do is talk to a stranger [counselor] about sex.

Answer 7

We're in the same boat. I don't think anything you try will work. We're SOL. You wrote "It's like a chore for her because when we're finished, she gets right up and goes straight into the bathroom and cleans up" I think most women do that because your deposit oozes out if they just lay there. My wife and I both clean up after. I let her have the bathroom first.

Answer 8

Generall speaking, you can't fix her. She can only fix herself, and she doesn't want to.

If the sex had ever been good, I'd have suggestions. Since its always been like that, I'd guess she just has a very low drive, and clearly has no interest in doing anything about it.

You are 29. This is how the rest of your life is going to be.

Leave her. Really.

Answer 9

It's normal for women to lose some other their sex drive, especially during marriage, but aren't women supposed to peak in their 30's sexually? Props to you for trying everything you can think of, but now I think it's time to get some help before you try so hard that you just don't want to try anymore. I suggest going to counseling.

Answer 10

"The funny thing is it was like this from the start."

There's your problem right there. You accepted her for who she was, lack of sex drive, and you STILL married her. You probably hoped things would change but they didn't, sad but true. My advice would be to seek counselling. There's some underlying reasoning behind her behavior before and after you have sex with her.