Why do some women let men treat them like crap?

Question

I've seen women who let they're partner physically and/or verbally abuse them and do nothing about it. Many use "love" as an excuse, but abuse(In any case) shouldnt be acceptable. Is this related to low self-esteem?

Thank for clarifying that darchangel_3! People tend to forget that men in some cases are the ones being abused.

Answer 1

Related to self-esteem, yes.
I would think that the relationship was "perfect" from the beginning, the soon-abusive partner making the soon-victim feel good about themselves. The women who end up in these relationships may not know how to make themselves happy and suffer from low-esteem until a man comes and "rescues" them. Rescuing should never be the sole reason people find relationships but a lot of times it is. So these women are "rescued" from their bad-self-esteem by the man, eventually becoming dependent on him for their happiness. When the woman becomes dependent and gives control to the man, the man starts seeing how far he can push things (if he is already prone to being an abusive type) and ends up abusing the woman. The woman is already attached to him, dependent upon him for her own happiness, and therefore finds it extremely difficult to let go. Another thing that makes it hard to let go is ...well i think most abusive men get really sweet and loving right after there "abuse" episodes, which makes the female think that they still love her despite the recent actions. I've never experienced or had a friend experience this, so i'm just guessing.

Hope this helps! =]

Answer 2

Yes it's nearly always associated to low self esteem. A woman with a high self esteem will not let herself be trapped in an abusive relationship or will take steps to leave the relationship and the abuse.

There is a group of woman who are mentally challenged and simply don't understand what a good or abusive relationship is or woman who have never learned the difference.

Answer 3

From what I have seen, the women that we encounter as adults have been systematically broken throughout their lives. Sometimes starting very young by a father, uncle, brother or some other important male figure. And I'm not even talking about abuse in the literal sense at this point. I'm talking about subtle things like a word spoken once too often or the way that important man looks at you vs the way they look at someone else. As they get older, the men they bring into their lives they see as a replacement for the missing affections of the important male figure. They allow themselves to be slightly venerable. They believe that this new person will love them forever so they give themselves completely to it. And little by little, they allow just a little bit more, they tolerate just a little bit harsher treatment, until, eventually, they believe that this is the only way to show love and affection.
Take my sis for example. She followed this pattern from the time she was about 8. By the time she was 17, she was giving up her first child for adoption and the "daddy" was telling her that he can't handle being near her and was going to Texas (we lived in Michigan at the time) to "have some time off." Every man she's been with since then has taken a little more and a little more. Her current husband has another woman SLEEPING in THEIR BED. They are still married, still living together, still "in love" according to my sister, but her husband has his mistress living with them and sharing their bed. It might not be physical abuse, but what does that do to a person's psyche? I don't see it as being any different.

Answer 4

We're looking at it from the outside perspective...so we see things differently from a person that is in that situation..but I think LOVE and the combination of LOW-SELF ESTEEM definitely has something to do with it. Love is blind..it's a double-edged sword..and people who are in love just can't see what we see..or maybe they do..but because they are in love..they're always remembering the positive things about them..or they give full faith and hope that their partner will change because he said he'll change..and that he won't ever do it again. Coupled with low-self esteem..that's just lethal...a person with low-self esteem is vulnerable..she will believe whatever he has to say because she is not confident, and probably very dependent on him. The constant verbal abuse from her partner is detrimental to her esteem and makes her dependent on him for love. He might say things like "you'll never be loved..you are stupid and ugly" and she might think that she will never find it unless she's with him. Plus, fear has a lot to do with why women may not want to do anything..It's sad and i agree any type of abuse is unacceptable. However, I think women can come to their senses if they are surrounded by positive people who do care for them and do convince them that there is something better than abusive men..

Answer 5

My sister and I just finished having this discussion.

Yes it is related to self-esteem but it is more than that.

I was in a VERY abusive relationship once and what I didn't realize was that I had some unresolved issues.

Now that I have read and studied about relationships and been through therapy with a qualified religious minister, I can tell you that problems/issues on the inside attract trouble on the outside.

The person you date, marry, etc becomes a living manifestation of all the issues you haven't resolved. In my case, with my ex-husband, it was a case of not resolving issues I had with my father. My own father was very emotionally cold, even though he loved me very much.

So I married a man who was so much like him he could have been his son. I had to deal with my issues with my dad before I could go on.

If you look carefully at many of these women, you will whatever problems/issues/weaknesses they have.

If it wasn't a bad man, it might be an addiction or a criminal problem.

Answer 6

Yes, I think it is nearly always low self esteem. Girls and women that come from a home where their own mother was abused will have a higher late of allowing abuse.
Poverty and lack of education play a big part in the reason they stay..All women and girls should believe that the first time they are abused should also be the last time.

Answer 7

It is related to low self-esteem!! I was in a relationship like that for 9 years, took that long for me to stand up for myself and leave. Then I jumped right out of the frying pan into the fire. Unintentionally, of course!! It is a sad thing when men make you feel that you are worthless when its really them who are insecure and need help!! Now I'm in a very loving, non-abusive relationship and it is great!! It shouldn't be acceptable at all, but it seems that for some once you get into something like, it is very hard to get out of!! You would have to walk a mile in these women's shoes to know just how demeaning it is and how she feels about it. Nothing like that is easy!! Many women are just plain scared to death!!

Answer 8

funny you asked this question I have been dealing with this with a close relative of mine, and she asked me what should she do, i told her it's not going to get any better unless something drasticaly happens to him, and i am one of those people who believes, the person who being abused is getting something from the other person they need;l in other words something is being fulfilled that you i can not see and i relize this does not make sense to the average person and also believe the person who is being abused is sicker than the abuser but i also have had some formal trainig in more than one arena: sometimes it's built from fear that was inherited as a child from a relationship at home, some how the brain recieved a message of violence that's the way to go, but i know intuitively from study and past experience that it comes from a lack of love from one self and not being taught what a decent or healthy relationship is and also the person does not think they deserve anything better and we are who we think we are if we think better we can also talk better if we do both we can get better so if you have a friend tell her in order for her to get out she needs a plan of action that no one' Know's about the other reason people don't like to suffer the pain and agony that goes with withdrawling from the other person because that particular type of relationship has the capacity of changeing the person emotional and thinking patterns therefore with drawing can have bring on feelings and emotions of devestation or feelings of desperation the same feelings a person would get from useing narcotics.

Answer 9

i think it could be related to low self esteem. also they may feel that they have no one else and that the man they're with is as good as it can get. also the man may have anger problems and she may love him so much and feel that she should stay with him.

i for one DO NOT think abuse in any case or form should be acceptable.

Answer 10

Is it is related to low self esteem... but the good thing is... some people learn from their mistakes ~ I did.

It isn't acceptable to be treated in that way and in every situation, it is up to the woman to decide not to take it anymore. No matter who tells them what, until the woman is done, she will stay.

Good Question.