My friend (in her 40s) is behaving like a spoiled teenager and I hate it. What should I do?

Question

she's still living with her husband although technically separated..but has started meeting much younger men and staying out all night. I think she's storing up trouble, but she doesn't want to hear me...and now she's started being abusive to me. Do I end the friendship? Because frankly I'm starting to feel it's all one-way.

Answer 1

I dont know the whole story so im just gonna say if you dont see the relationship as worth it then dont bother anymore;

Answer 2

If she's not doing anything for you, doesn't bring anything to the friendship, ignores all of your advice and annoys you more than she makes you smile...

...yes, let her get on with it! She'll be sorry she didn't treat you better when it all blows up in her pretty little face.

But part of being a friend means giving advice but not forcing it on them. This is her way of dealing with what's probably a very hard time for her. If she is 'abusive' to you, maybe it's because she wants to do her own thing without being hassled about it. If you could elaborate on how she is abusive, it would really help and I'll change my answer accordingly :-)

If it's frustrating for you to stand by and watch, withdraw your friendship for a while and let her get through it. You may find that once she's got it out of her system, the two of you can get back onto an even keel.

xx Emmie

Answer 3

Well............ If she's really behaving lyk a spoilt brat and not realising how much u care 4 her then end the friendship after all, u sed she was being abusive, but if she's been a true friend 2 u in de past den maybe u av the strength 2 stick by her. I think u shud tell her how u fell then work out whether she deserves ur friendship or not. If she's snooty and pushes u away then maybe u shud end the friendship, but if she's a true friend she might understand that ur worried 4 her and she might try 2 sort herself out that way u get ur Friend back... Either way u av 2 do wat's ryt 4 u!!!

Answer 4

My guess would be that shes feeling very insecure about herself and is afraid that soon she will be too old to enjoy the things shes experiencing right now.

Just a suggestion, why dont you get a couple of cheap theatre tickets and offer to take her to a show somewhere? You dont need to be a millionaire to go to the theatre as you can get tickets at really reasonable prices. Have a girlie evening in 1st, hair, make-up, get the glad rags on and off you go. Offer to stay at hers after with a few bottles of wine and a good old fashioned girlie movie with a box of kleenex.

Tell her how much you value her as a friend, but dont try to tell her that what she is doing is wrong in your eyes, I mean, come on, we are all women, and what do we do when told not to do something? We go and do it all the more.

All in all, just be there for her. If she is a true friend you know she is silently relying on you to be there. If she falls, then at least you will be there to help her.

Just my 2 cents worth.

Its easy to lose a friend but hard as hell to make new ones that you can love and trust!

Answer 5

lol, sounds just a friend of mine. Only she was menopausal so I put it all down to that. She divorced her hubby, moved from one house to another, never kept a job for more than a few weeks. Went out on drinking binges with her own daughters! Suddenly I didn't seem to know who this person was. I left her to it. She stopped phoning me and I didn't see her for a year. Funnily enough I bumped into her today in town, with her two daughters, both pregnant teenagers and she was like a stranger to me. Such a shame, I thought we were good friends but I obviously didn't mean much to her. And I'd say the same about your friend. If she's being abusive to you then you don't mean much to her. So let her get on with her life the way she wants to. Let her know that you will be there for her though if she needs you.

Answer 6

To me being a friend is being there for them whatever the situation. Everyone goes through bad patches or does things that we don't approve of. You are quite within your rights to express your opinion if it is out of genuine concern for her, but you need to let her know this is why you are telling her. Then you need to let it go. If she continues her behaviour regardless of your thoughts then that is what you must let her do. It's her life, you've given her your thoughts on it, then choose whether you want to remain friends with the person she was or the person she may be from now on. I've sat a friend down and told her that she is behaving like, what could be viewed as a slapper, but I still love her anyway. I also said, that's fine if you are happy with what you are doing, then I'll be okay about it, but my concern was that she wouldn't feel good about it. She chose to change, but if she hadn't I would still have been her friend. Also, maybe you need to ask yourself: Is your concern genuinely for how it will affect her, or is it because you are worried about the image rubbing off on you. My concern was for my friend alone. I'm strong enough to know that people that know me, know what I'm like and I therefore have friends from all walks of life. A good friend is concerned for the others well-being. Maybe that's the difference between a good friend and a friend.

Answer 7

If she is separated from her husband she has every right to have a life. You didnt say how she is being abusive to you and that would have helped alot to answer your question. If you dont want to put up with her crap end the friendship and find another friend to do things with.

Answer 8

Why don't you let your freind live her life?. You say she is technically separated from her husband. Perhaps it makes her feel good to be able to get laid by younger men. Why is this such an issue for you. It seems to be that you are the only one with a problem about this. If it becomes a problem for your freind, then perhaps she will turn to you for help, but not if you keep telling her how wrong she is to be doing what makes her happy.

Answer 9

Please, please don't finish this friendship - she will eventually realise that she is making an idiot of herself and she will need you more than ever before. Sometimes there are hard times in a friendship, but if it is a true friendship you need to stand by her, however hard it is, and ride the storm. One day you will probably need her too - friendships are like that - and you will be able to put this behind you. Maybe she is depressed or has low self esteem and is trying to prove to herself that she is still attractive and worthy of being loved. Try to accept the abuse - as long as it's only verbal, of course, and as long as she does not go too far - she may need you more now than she has ever done before. Good luck.

Answer 10

she is suffering a confidence dip after splitting from her husband. these younger men she is meeting is just building her confidence again and making her feel attractive. she is an adult and can do what she want within legal boundarys obviously, clearly you have told her how you feel and is that the reason she is being abusive? end it if you want but i think your taking her behaviour with men personally. have a word about the abuse towards you obviously and if she persists then drop her.

Answer 11

Leave her to do her thing. I had the same situation with a very good friend of mine. I saw it that she suddenly found this freedom she hadn't had during her married life and just went wild. No matter how much you try talking to her, she won't listen. I walked away from my friend as I was sick of having my words of warning thrown back at me. She ended up pregnant and very lonely. Don't take any abuse because the only one who ends up hurt is you. Let her burn herself out and try and be there later.