Should I divorce my husband because he doesn't have time to have a family due to his career?

Question

My husband wants a family also but, he can't be home to spend any time with his family due to his career. Should I divorce my husband because I really want a husband that can have and spend time with his family.

Answer 1

Well...divorce sounds a little hasty. We don't know much else about your marriage--how long have you been married? Did he have this career before you married, or did you know this was his ambition?

In this society, men are born and bred to be the breadwinner in the family. They see it as their place, their duty, the epitome of their manhood, to provide well for their family. To tell him he's doing too well--he won't understand, exactly.

But you could try sitting down with him and telling him your concerns. Tell him you love him for being such a wonderful provider, but it worries you that he won't be around to be a wonderful father. See where it goes.

Be aware, please, that being a "wonderful" father does not mean he spends lots and lots of time with the family. I don't buy into that "quality is better than quantity" nonsense, but I do believe there is a balance. He may have to give up *some* work time to make time for the family, but he should not be asked to make huge sacrifices that would dent his manhood and/or bring financial uncertainty to the family. He *may* find that another career brings him as much satisfaction while also allowing him to be with the family more. The two of you need to work out the balance.

Please talk more, even see a counselor, before filing divorce papers--or getting pregnant.

Answer 2

I lived separately from my ex-husband for several years before we grew apart and divorced. So yeah, you're right, if you keep living separately this is what eventaully happens. After all, the whole point of being married is to have another person to share your life with. And when this person is gone most of the time the sharing doesn't really take place. You end up living with your dream rather than with a person. Divorcing your husbnad will be harder than it seems now. Even though you are used to living without him next to you, you still have the emotional safety of some sort. I'd suggest that you don't rush into action until you are ready. I'd suggest you discuss it with him that it really is difficult for you to get uprooted again. You said he's not aware of how you're feeling and that is a problem. Make him aware. Don't expect immediate results, give him time to think it through. Also let him know that you don't expect immediate solution out of him. But he needs to know how you feel. You say that there is nothing he'd be willing to do about it, but are you sure? You might be underestimating how important you are to him.

Answer 3

So you're willing to break up your family so you can have "more" of a family?! Dumb idea......because what you'll end up with is an ex husband, new husband and your kids will be 50/50 with your ex......and you won't have the family you're dreaming of.

Instead......make the most of the time that he is off. Arrange to have "family" days where your whole family is required to attend.....and be together. It will make the times that he is at work more bareable....and lets face it....he's there for his family. It's not like he's at the strip clubs or hanging out at the racetrack!

Answer 4

I think you should try to work past it. I mean if you both want a family then there are always ways to make time for it, he will eventually be able to spend more time at home especially when he has kids. I dont care what kind of job you have you always have vacations, etc to plan things to do with the family to make up for all the time you cant be there with them. There are all kinds of things to consider, I dont think divorcing him should be one just because it may be more challenging to make this work, you can always find something that can work for you guys so you can have that family you dream of. Dont give up. :)

Answer 5

Ask yourself this, if he can't pull himself away from his career to get you pregnant, how the heck is this guy going to be a father to his kids?? The thought of "oh, he'll be better once the baby is here" is no guarantee, so you probably need to figure out if it's worth the chance. Also, does he REALLY want kids, or just telling you that to keep you quiet?? Because if it WAS a priority to him, he would probably be contributing to the making of your family.

Answer 6

Please, are you serious? I can bet money your husband is home more then mine and I have two children and they understand that daddy has to work.
My husband is in the army, I don't see him for up to a year at a time. Get over it, all men have to work to provide for a family.

Answer 7

Classic case of two people that didn't discuss career , family and goals before they got married and now she wants to leave her husband.

And people wonder why the divorce rate is so high

Answer 8

Catch-22
You want some one who can provide for a family, but this would mean they would have also be focused on their career.

You want some one who can be family oriented, but have a job that pays enough to support a family.

Simple answer: you get a better paying job.

Answer 9

You'll be the same person complaining about her husband not making enough money when you dump him for someone who works 8 hours and makes less.

Answer 10

should you be asking random people on yahoo about your serious problems? you don't even know who you are talking to. are you just looking for someone to give you the answer you want...or do you really not know. maybe you should talk to your husband, or friend - someone you trust and who can give you their opinion based on how well they know you and what they think you will want.