Did you have your parents visit right after the birth?

Question

I live in Seattle while my family lives in Cleveland and my in laws live in AZ. I know my parents want to be there when I have the baby and I am sure my in laws will visit as well. Can you think of any pros and cons to the visits? I am thinking it would be nice to have the advise and help cooking, cleaning and taking care of the new baby. Had anyone had any problems with their family staying with them right after a birth?

Answer 1

The pros: Extra hands to help out. Especially if you have to have a C-Section.

The Cons: Extra advice that can escalate into debate and/or a struggle to keep your parents away from the little one.

Answer 2

My own situation was a bit different because my babies were premature, and while both sets of grandparents came down and visited during the several weeks my babies spent in the hospital there was a two week moratorium on visits once the babies were discharged.

My plan (the one I was working on before having my babies two months early!) was to not have visitors for a couple of weeks. I wasn't sure how well that would be taken, but there was one complaint I heard pretty consistently from women who had babies before I did: having their own parents (or anyone else) around immediately after the child's birth was not something they would do again because 1) most new moms found that the grandparents (or other relatives), despite their promises, were not helpful so much as they wanted to admire the new baby; 2) sometimes it created stress because you end up with unwanted advice; 3) most significantly, these women found they wanted some private time to bond as a new family unit. Particularly because the new dad's were generally only home for a very short time after the birth, having people over at that time inhibited that. Also, because the fathers go back to work so so soon, when you really do need the "help" is when he goes back to work (assuming you're home for a bit longer). To have new mom, new dad, new baby, and visitors....and then one day have them all go home and be left as just new mom and new baby....that's hard.

It is a personal decision of course, and some people find the support and help good at that time. But the "regrets" I heard other moms voice over and over again was the loss of private time to bond, while I never heard anyone say "I wish my inlaws had come to spend a week with us."

When figuring out what you want, just consider the personalities at play, how much help they will actually be, etc. And keep in mind what you want and what kind of help you'll need (ie if you're breastfeeding, your needs in that area whill be different than if you're bottle feeding, and what people can do to help will be different, too.)

I was lucky because our families had already had a chance to at least see the babies, so they didn't take it hard when they had to step back for a couple of weeks. (Like you, my parents and my inlaws don't live nearby.) If I have more children, I will do it that way again, too.

Congratulations and good luck!

Answer 3

It is a good idea to have them come after the birth maybe you can have your parents be there when the baby is born and when you get home from the hospital and get you settled in and then after the first week have his parents come and stay with you so you can get the help for a little extra time. Instead of having all the grandparents there at the same time for a week spread it out over time. And don't feel as if you need to entertain them, you just relax and take a much deserved break because it maybe the last break you get in a long time to come.

Answer 4

When I first had my twins and a 3 yr old I was living with my parents. We had just moved back to the area and didn't have our new home finished to move into. It was a god send that I was with them at the time.

Now from the other perspective. When my grandchildren were born, I was there all three times. In the delivery room no less. As a grandmother I would not have traded that experience for my weight in gold.

All three times my daughter expected us to be there and wanted my help. Of course with a first baby it is not as stressful.... but it is helpful. For instance. I took care of the baby at night so my daughter good get her rest. We cooked and did laundry etc before we had to leave for home.... we live 1100 miles apart.

With her next two children she needed us there to help with the care of the older child.... and even so with this last one.

If you and your mom are close by all means invite your parents to be there for the birth. They will appreciate it. I would say plan out when they will be there and when they will leave then invite the in-laws to come when your parents leave. That way you will have double the length of when you will have help at home. (hopefully your mil is one who will help around the house, mine couldn't be bothered, even when she was there)

Answer 5

i hope this doesnt scare u but my friends in-laws mainly the husband's father wanted them to move across country with him and they felt that he wanted to try controlling their marriage and the life they have built together now they have a baby girl and since the father in-law really upset my friend before her birth he hasnt been around to visit at all i think because his son basically told him to f*** off and as far as her parents they have been wonderful the whole time they didnt stay under the same roof together though but they have spent time with the new baby shortly after birth i think if u are close to both sides of the family without any conflicts between anyone then u should be fine and congrats on your baby i hope u have a healthy one and god bless

Answer 6

My grandmother came out from Hawaii the day after the baby was born and stayed a month. I must say, I was really nervous that a visit of that length would become too much for my husband and myself. As it turned out, it was fabulous. There were 3 of us there to take turns with baby, I was so well rested for a woman who just gave birth. I couldn't imagine her not having been there. I already made her promise to return for the next one.

If you can, have them come out at different times. That way you are not overwhelmed with guests and you can stretch the time out of the help that you will have ;-)

Answer 7

Depending on your relationship with your family, if you want them there right away, that's great. I'm sure they'd love to help. Personally, it was a month or two until I wanted anyone around. I've had two babies and felt this way both times, just because I was worried about germs and needed time to establish a routine and bond with the baby. That way, when visitors did come, I could say, okay his nap time is coming up and he needs fed around this time... Then the relatives aren't telling you what to do, instead you're telling them how it needs to be. You need time to develop confidence as the mom. Anyway, that was just my feelings. Congratulations on your new baby!

Answer 8

relies upon on their certain mission. Is the youngster in foster care because the dad and mom couldn't in the different case get medical look after the youngster? Had an volatile domicile or were homeless? On drugs? Mentally sick? Does the beginning figure have transportation? Are they authorised to visit? With supervision? each and every case is diverse and it also relies upon on the agenda of the foster dad and mom. Unscheduled visits can play havoc for foster dad and mom who've various toddlers, for instance. it really is necessary to position self assurance in others for more advantageous authentic suggestion. I merely do emergency foster care and visitation by technique of beginning dad and mom would not usually take position. In my mission, it really is often a relative that incorporates the social worker to take the youngster out of care.

Answer 9

Sasha, consider that a blessing that both parents want to visit you at an important and happy time in life. It seems like many make a mountain out of a molehill when it comes to such a thing that should be loving and caring as a family unit. My advice to you is just let it happen. Many do not have that opportunity and it's sad. Welcome your parents and in laws with open arms. Things will just work out fine and happy for you.

Answer 10

It depends on your relationship with them. My mom visited after my children were born, but waited a week after my husband went back to work. It was great! I love my mother in law but would have felt like I had to entertain and be a host and you will not feel like doing that at all!
just think about the relationship you have with them and make sure you will not feel uncomfortable if you decide to stay in your PJ's all day and lay around and breastfeed.
congrats and good luck