If you where with some one for 7 years what would you do ? Stay because you are used to it or go ?

Question

I have been with this man for 7 years I am 22 and he is 43 . All we do is fight and argue all the time . I feel like I cant even look at him any more . Although I do still love him I dont feel that I am in love with him. He questions every thing that I do and every thing he says sounds like an accusation. Sometimes I feel more like a daughter than a wife . I dont want sex anymore of for that matter him to even touch me . I would like to just be friends but he says that will never happen . I have no friends basically no life . I go to work and come home . Like yesterday i stayed at work 10 minutes over and then i had to stop at the bank I even called to let him know what was going on so he wouldnt be mad at me but still when I got their he treated me like i did something wrong . demanded to know why i was at work late ( I work for my father ) I feel like I am always n trouble with him. I am curently 34 weeks pregnant and already stressed . He drinks every day spends around a $100

a week on it . Then tells me he dont get drunk but I know that he dose. I can tell my his attitude changes. Though he has never been physically abusive mentally i feel he is breaking me . I feel like a bad person and i dont know what to do . I have been with him since I was 15 and dont know anything else. Had only had one boyfriend before him. WHAT DO I DO ? I want to leave but i am scared

Answer 1

My personal opinion is the animosity towards the age difference. Men start to feel insecure in their relationship if there's a significant age gap between the two...(especially when the woman is younger). Not to say that relationships with age gaps don't work, that's not your only problem. He sounds manipulative and controlling. You'll never have any kind of life if he remains that way. Don't walk on eggshells and don't let him walk on you!

Another thing, you're pregnant and he drinks excessively. You cannot continue a healthy, happy pregnancy in that kind of environment. I hate to give the "counseling advice speech" because it's not always the answer. However, due to the upcoming birth of your child...that could be considered a last resort. If he truly cares about you always remember that he will do anything within reason to keep your family together. He's obviously not happy with something in his life. That's usually the source of a drinking problem. You confronting the issue with the suggestion of counseling could very well save your relationship and his life.

Good luck with your pregnancy and I wish you nothing but the best!!!

Answer 2

How in the hell did you get with a 30 something man at 15? Where were your parents? Of course you are not happy you need to be with a man your own age that you can relate to. You say he feels like your Father ( I would guess he is about the same age). Why did you get pregnant in the horrible situation? This only complicates things. There is not any easy solution for this mess. If you leave then your child starts out in a broken home if you stay then you are going to have to suck it up and be treated as a child. How sad this mess really is. I can not imagine how this even happened. My guess the good news is that you are quickly getting to old for him and he will soon want another little girl to destroy.

Answer 3

Girl if you are that far along you do not need that type of stress. I was in a relationship for three and a half years not pregnant had the same feelings as you and I left. I found a better man and a good father to my 7 month old daughter and husband. With all do respect what do you expect he is 21 years older then you and you said you been with him for 7 years that is called statutorily rape if you both had sex. The reason why he is obsessive about you is that he is so much older and he knows that you can find someone younger and would treat you better then he can.

Answer 4

He sounds like he has a huge problem that he has yet to deal with, especially if he is drinking all the time. Perhaps you should talk to him and ask him why he is always angry with you. Listen to him and then ask him what you can do to help him. Let him know how his behavior is affecting you and the baby. Let him also know that you won't be able to handle it anymore, if things don't change. Tell him that you do love him but the ridiculous fights have got to stop. After seven years, he has to either trust you, get some help or leave.
If he's done this throughout the entire marriage then I'd be wondering why your still there. Get some counseling if you want to stay married and remember that he has to be willing to change or this marriage is going nowhere fast.

Answer 5

You've been with this guy since you were 15 and he was 36? The idea makes my skin crawl...*shudders*

Perhaps you two aren't getting along because YOU are an adult now, and he's still into kids. You had a lot more growing/changing/maturing to go through from 15 to 22 than he did from 36 to 43 (he went from middle age to middle age, basically).

He's got issues and is a virtual pedophile if your statement that you two have been together 7 yrs is true. If I were you I'd move on to a more healthy relationship, with someone if your same generation.

Good luck!

Answer 6

I think you need to get out of there. First of all he was way to old to be dating a 15 yr old at the beginning of the relationship. You should go to your parents, friends, or coworkers in your area. There has got to be someone you can go to. Mental abuse is in some cases worse than physical abuse and I am sure that is not something you want to bring a new baby into. Find some help and good luck.

Answer 7

RUNNNNN!!!!!! You were only 15 when you hooked up with this guy! You poor girl I know what you are going through except I have 2 kids with the ex loser. Trust me move out, get a divorce, have your baby, then start making new friends! Friends can help you through alot and it took my best friend telling me that if I went back again to the ex idiot she would never talk to me again (I didnt go back!) My fiancee is a wonderful man and even though my kids arent his he treats them as his own and says he wouldnt trade any of us in for the world.

Answer 8

Mental abuse is in some ways worse than physical abuse. Bruises heal within days, but your heart and mind take time to heal. Go to a battered women's shelter, file for divorce and demand that he seek counseling AND go to Alcoholics Anonymous if he wants visitation with his child. He will have to support you and your child if you ask for alimoney in addition to child support for a few years. You should use that time to go to a vocational school and gain the skills you need to get a job and support yourself. Your husband should have gone to jail for dating a 15 year old when he was 36 years old. He's almost a pedaphile.

Answer 9

You are way too young to be in this situation. I also have a Husband that is mentally abusive. We have 2 kids and I stay just for them. All I can say is try and get some counsiling.

Answer 10

You are pretty much unhappy with the relationship. If this is so, break it off. It sounds like a somewhat unhappy relationship all around. If you are living with this man, it will be more complicated and if you are having his child, there is another consideration, but don't stay in a bad relationship.