Our son, is marrying this awful girl, (of which they just had a baby). They suddenly throw out a wedding date after three years of living together - the date is 3 days after Christmas ! And on the other side of the country! We offered to pay for their wedding many times here, but they always had some excuse why they didn't want to get married. Can we object to the date, and if so is it rude?
2007-04-04 06:20:11 · 17 answers · asked by riakay 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well, it is THEIR wedding, so I think they can call the shots when it is. However, you can make it clear that if they pick certain dates, you may not be able to attend. I've told my kids to never pick a day the my college is playing a football game because I won't be there.
On the other hand, if you're paying for it, I do think you should have some (but not all) say in the matter. So, if you're not paying for it, unless there is some pressing issue why you can't make it, you need to be there even if it's not convenient for you.
2007-04-04 06:38:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on the nature of your objection. If, for example, you have an operation scheduled for that day, it's not rude to suggest another date. But if you have offered to pay for a wedding in the past and still they declined to marry, I would think you would be eager to attend their wedding. And if you were eager, then I wouldn't object simply to complicate their plans as it might lead to further prolonging their marriage (unless that is your intention...)
It also depends on the planning they have invested based on this date...have invitations been ordered, printed?
I don't see a problem with the fact that it's scheduled 3 days after Christmas- why wouldn't you take a vacation accross the country and spend the holidays and ensuing nuptuals with your son and his "awful" gf. It's not as though they are asking you to spend EVERY Christmas accross the country, just this one.
2007-04-04 06:31:27 · answer #2 · answered by Andrea M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think its a bit rude to object to the date however, honestly, there is nothing you can do about it. If that is the date they choose then its their wedding. However i would just mention to them that three days after xmas may be a bit hard for people to attend. Money is tight around that time and perhaps they should change the date to a more suitable date when people can afford to attend.
Hope that helped
2007-04-04 06:24:45 · answer #3 · answered by Angel 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are probably not going to like this answer. You have plainly stated you think this girl is awful. Why in the world would they take up your offer of a wedding that is convenient to you? Obviously, your son doesn't think she is so awful if he has been with her for three years and now wants to marry her. They have a child together. Maybe it is time for you to accept her and try to see what your son sees in her. Let them get married when they please, and let them be happy. That is what love and relationships are about. Don't try to ruin it.
2007-04-04 06:28:36 · answer #4 · answered by susan w 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it would be considered rude. Honestly, since they've chosen to get married, it's really the brides day and it's up to the both of them as far as the date and time. If I were going to be married; whether or not my in laws liked me or not, or if my family had an issue with where and time, I would feel like they were either being disrpectful or controlling. No one wants that; you know? When I marry; I plan to elope =)
2007-04-04 06:34:22 · answer #5 · answered by suzlaa1971 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course you can object, and yes it would be rude.
There is the possibility that the girl he's marrying is awful, but as mature parents, it isn't your job anymore to make decisions for him. You voicing your dislike and disapproval is inappropriate when your son is an adult. Not to mention, if you maintain this 'attitude' after they are married, it will only be undermining their marriage and any decent husband would sever contact with anyone not upholding the sanctity of marriage.
If your sons asks for your opinion, that's when it is alright to give it to him, but not in a venomous way.
I'm truly sorry if you are correct and she is 'awful', but that's a realization your son needs to come to on his own. It's best that if you can't be truly happy and supportive of him, you keep your opinion(s) to yourself in a matter such as this.
2007-04-04 06:30:12 · answer #6 · answered by Bobbie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah sure you can object to the date but that doesn't mean that they have to listen. It is THEIR wedding, not your's and whether YOU like the girl or not your SON chose her, so either you go along with THEIR choices or don't show up for the wedding...that is YOUR choice.
2007-04-04 06:42:21 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
who cares that it is 3 days after Christmas just be thankful they are finally making it legal. It sounds like no matter what date was picked you would have had a problem since you do not like her.
2007-04-04 06:24:58 · answer #8 · answered by EmmaNicole 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Rude? Maybe so. But sometimes you have to be rude in order to be honest. It appears that you and your son are already on shaky ground. So you just have to ask yourself "what's truly important here, my happiness or my son's happiness?" I think any good parent's happiness will come from their child's happiness.
2007-04-04 06:37:29 · answer #9 · answered by blackbeauty_19890 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is where us Moms have to learn to butt out. (which is very hard to do sometimes.) When people are adults, and decide to get married, they have the right to do it whenever the heck they like. I think it's a bit immature to try to control when they do it, regardless of the reason.
2007-04-04 06:28:03 · answer #10 · answered by a_lot_smarter_now 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋