My roommate and I are both professionals in our twenties. She has trouble in the guy department and gets jealous of me whenever guys pay more attention to me. I have recently started dating a great guy, and we all have mutual friends. My roommate has started, as she always does, trying to make me jealous by saying she sees him at the gym flirting with everyone, including her, that he came in to see her at work (she manages a golf course and he golfs), etc. And when he comes over, she tries to subtly put me down by telling embarrassing stories about me, or by saying, "Chole gets SO MAD if I leave my dishes in the sink," things like that that aren't even true. If I call her out on it she'll just laugh. I am hesitant to talk to her about it, since I know she'll turn it around and maybe even tell my boyfriend and our friends that I'm jealous. I'm optimistic about this relaitonship and think it has potential to go somewhere, and I don't want her to sabotage it. How should I handle her?
2007-04-04 03:59:25 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Moving out is not an option right now; my lease has another 6 months
2007-04-04 04:03:38 · update #1
First of all, don't place too much importance on what she tells you. Be confident in who you are as a person and as a part of your new relationship. Be the best girlfriend you can be. Her jealousy and insecurity are probably more obvious to your friends than you think.
Leave her be, don't feed into the crap she says. It's only perpetuating the situation and it's exactly what she's looking for.
There is a REASON you have a new great guy and she doesn't. Just be ultraconfident and let her comments roll right off you.
KathyW's answer is totally on point!
2007-04-04 04:09:49 · answer #1 · answered by Maudie 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Your roommate definitely has some issues. Misery loves company. This girl is unhappy with herself and probably justifies her feelings by putting you down therefore making herself feel better. If you are in a situation where you could move out then I would do so and put some distance between the two of you. You can still hangout with the same friends but that doesn't mean you have to hangout with her. If she was a true friend you wouldn't have to deal with any of this. I would make sure to discuss this with the guy your dating just so he is aware of how this girl operates. If this guy is into you then he will see what your roommate is doing. As far as your friends thinking your the jealous party....your true friends know who you are on the inside and the ones that don't probably aren't worth caring about.
2007-04-04 04:16:51 · answer #2 · answered by love2breal2003 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your BF the situation so nothing that comes from her can cause a riff between you and the BF. Get rid of her as soon as you can - not just as a roommate, but also as a friend. This happened to me with my best friend....we were 18 and she did the same thing. Always badmouthing my BF, lying, etc. Needless to say, I stopped being friends with her, and that BF just so happens to be my husband now. We've been together for 8 years, married for 3 years.
Nothing good can come from her feeling this way. And, she's not going to stop, either. If you want to save this relationship with your BF, she needs to be out of the equation. And, consider this - if she is really such a great friend, why would she be trying to sabotage your relationship with the guy? She should be happy for you.
Good luck!
2007-04-04 05:05:21 · answer #3 · answered by Emily J 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well...do not say anything to her right now..because she doesn't seem to be very receptive to logic and reasoning right now but you can discuss the problem in exactly the same words that you have written here to your bf and ask his advice about it. Even if it is not anything actually usable, you will at least get the message of her being envious of you and trying to sabotage your relationship with him, across to him. I will suggest you to arrange meeting at other places than your room if possible and do not involve your roommate in your relationships as much as possible. Do not divulge much about how much you are enjoying with your bf or brag anything about your relationship and play it down. This should make the things more bearable.
2007-04-04 04:14:22 · answer #4 · answered by Smriti 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it's not handling her it's you. you said that you are both professionals so i am assuming that you have enough to move out. talking to her would make it worse. and if it doesnt go anywhere with this guy she'll end up throwing it in your face. you can keep her as a friend but from a distance. there is this rule that all my friends follow: rule 1: never leave your man and your friend alone together. rule 2: never tell them how good he is in bed (then they'll want to try him out) rule 3: only give your opinion about me and my man when I ask you ( because if i really do like him and you have something bad to tell me i wont listen anyway)
2007-04-04 04:10:10 · answer #5 · answered by poeticscribe1 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You make a conscious effort to completely tune her out. When she starts saying things to try to make you jealous, don't even pretend to be truly listening. Just say, 'Yeah, sure. OK. Good' and get busy doing something. Or act like you are listening to a really interesting story about someone else and say, 'Wow and then what happened next?' She is watching to see you become jealous, affected by what she is telling you - and it will be frustrating if you don't take the bait. Just act like her words are meaningless but make sure your facial expression shows that it is only an entertaining story. It will drive her nuts!
When you are with this guy, just try to judge him on what he shows you of himself, not what your friend is trying to show you (which may or may not be true but that is the gamble...)
I have a friend like this. I just learned to live with it.
2007-04-04 04:05:41 · answer #6 · answered by kathyw 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I have had a friend like this who used to put me down and say things in front of other people where i felt like 'is she talkin about me!' cuz i was thinking that's not what i'm like! Anyway i just completely ignored her behaviour, just like a child you ignore the behaviour you don't like and b super nice when she is nice. She'll soon get bored of putting you down all the time as she realizes it is not affecting you. I think she is probably insecure about the way she looks and really wishes she could find a guy like you have.
2007-04-04 04:07:00 · answer #7 · answered by sParKy 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Juts move out!
This person has serious mental and pshychological problems that you won't be able to solve by staying there and ruining your life.
In case ypu have your reasons to stay, put limits and borders, and be honest with your boyfriend from the beginning, it will give you rlief and you will be on the safe side from the beginning of the thing, you won't have to cover or explain later, coz you already said it all
2007-04-04 04:18:15 · answer #8 · answered by Me 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ever on the grounds that i became little and til on the present time i have consistently called my mum "Mummy" and my dad "Daddy". merely because they in no way answered to "mum"/"dad". and it really is constantly stuck, i assume. similar with my siblings, too. I swear each and each and every time my mom calls me at artwork, and that i answer declaring "hi, mummy", i'm getting the most strangest looks from my artwork colleagues. They consistently locate that hilarious and typically take the mic. and that i will genuinely see why it really is humorous lol yet, it really is in no way replaced, and that i doubt it is going to. moms and fathers will consistently be Mummy and Daddy. And specially because they gained't respond to some thing else from their toddlers! : )
2016-12-03 06:37:33 · answer #9 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you can, move out. She's not being a good friend to you, and she's getting in the way for happiness..if you really like this guy, and he really cares about you, then he'll look past the dumb things your roomate is saying. But it would still probably be better for you and your relationship if you got your own place.
2007-04-04 04:05:21 · answer #10 · answered by IndiHippi 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋