I'm not sure i'm in love anymore. I kinda go back and forth. Do I leave my wife?

Question

Pro: She's hot. She's nice. She's funny. She's hot. She's good in bed.
Con: She has too many dude friends. She makes more money than me. We argue and she thinks she's right (yea usually she's right, but so what?) She rubs stuff in. She has annoying habits.

I should add some details- We've been married for 8 years. We don't have kids.
I buy her a random gift once a month (usually some sort of fancy chocolate as that's her favorite). She stopped thanking me or acknowledging it over a year ago.
Her friends enjoy telling me that she says **** about me, yet she begs me not to leave her.
Thank you to those who actually are giving advice.
I took my vows seriously. I still think she's cool (see my Pro's please). The cons are just starting to outweigh the pros- the money thing is there because she rubs it in btw, I'm an educated man who works with kids at the YMCA.
That help?

Answer 1

If you're resorting to asking here I think it's to the point where you're pretty d@mn unhappy.
The whole treating you like crud and then begging you not to leave is pretty harsh so I can see why you're unhappy.
I suggest you check around for a fam. counselor (yeah there really are some good one's) or if you're a church going fellow, check with your pastor/preacher/minister/Rabi <--did I cover them all? --> to see if they offer counseling. Get your wife to agree to a few sessions. If she doesn't agree, you know where she stands. That's your cue to contact a lawyer and see what your options are and what you have to lose.
A lawyer can help you get a level head and see what's involved in the process of divorce (it's long and tedious trust me- hopefully if you DO have to go through it, you part amicably)
If your wife does enter counseling with you- good! go in knowing what you want to gain, and remember things don't happen over night. Keep your goals in mind, present them to her and the counselor, the counselor will put you in check if they're totally unobtainable or out of line- but it sounds like you're being pretty reasonable so far with your complaints so I'm assuming your goals will be too. Make sure if your goals aren't being met- you make it clear what your intentions are- LEAVING.
Also, be sure to listen to her too. go in with an open mind that she'll have complaints too and that if you want her to listen to you, you gotta listen to her.
If you don't like the idea of counseling, write down a much longer 'pro/con' list, really pour over it. put it aside for a week and go back to it. Then bring this question to yourself again.
Good luck. I hope you can work things out for yourself.

Answer 2

Everyone has annoying habits, and who cares if she makes more money then you. I can kind of see why too many guy friends would be an issue unless you also hang out with girls. I think if you are considering leaving your wife then that means your relationship is pretty much done anyways. A marriage isnt like dating someone where you can just break up, people need to take it more seriously and work to make the relationship last. Good luck with whatever you choose but both your pros and cons list dont seem like there is much deep thought in your head anyways

Answer 3

What did you think was going to happen when you got married? Did you think she was going to be your mindless sex slave? Well, wake up, cowboy, you married a real person with a brain and opinions and friends. Your problem isn't her...it is you and your insecurities. Your major criticisms are that she has too many male friends (you are jealous and insecure), she makes more money (you are jealous and insecure) and she thinks she is right when you argue -- which you admitted is usually the case.

Although you could run away, you could also try to improve yourself by recognizing that you are the source of the problems you describe and try to work on your communication and strengthening your relationship. If she is really as hot, nice, funny and good in bed as you say, you should be happy that she chose you.

Answer 4

He is still in love with his ex. He also will be dealing with her for at least 18 years because of the child they share together. Are you going to continue to wonder this for another 18 years? Get a life and move on. You've asked this same question over and over again. You don't want to hear that he still loves her. You're pathetic.

Answer 5

Feelings come and go, but marriage is a commitment. Do you think every married person has butterflies-in-the-stomach feelings all day every day? Of course not. Things get rough, but you get through the rough spots. Your con list doesn't seem all that bad, and let's face it, you probably have a few annoying habits too. The only thing that seems like an actual concern is the dude friends. Does she spend more time with them than with you? What is she getting from them that she isn't getting from you? Would she see less of them, if she knew it was important to you? I have been married for 16 years, and neither of us has had friends of the opposite sex, besides couples that we both know, so I'm not sure what that's all about, but I think you owe it to your selves, and your marriage to try to resolve your differences. Good luck.

Answer 6

Ever look in the mirror to see your faults? I am sure you anoy her at times. There is no such thing as a perfect marriage. Sit and talk with her. And for the record dude...we women have a diesease we can't help..it's call I'm alwasy right no matter what plague. We all have it. No reason for this other than we love to be right and love to rub it in when we can. Ok. Who cares if she makes more money than you! That's a plus buddy! I know a couple of men who use that as a thing if pride to have a wife that smart that can bring it home and fry it too. You didn't say how long you have been married either. It's normal to go through bouts of boredom and where's the love. You just have to know how to ride the wave through it. Hang in there. We women were created to anooy men as you men were created to anoy us. There is nothing more anoying than when our men are right and we can't deny it! Maybe you two need a weekend away together to feed the flame. If you can't do a weekend a night can do wonders as well. Good luck!

Answer 7

Look at your pros, very shallow. Lots of not so hot people are good in bed too, its how you connect with one another. Lots of people are funny. Didn't really hear a lot about how you love her or how she makes you feel.

Your cons, also shallow. 1. You are jelous of guys. 2. Your ego is hurt because you feel a man should make more than a woman. 3. You don't know how to compromise. 4. She likes to beat a dead horse. 5. She gets on your nerves.

If those are really your pros & cons dump her and divorce her now because all she is just a hot woman to have sex with thats funny.

My advice, tell her how you feel and figure out the real pros & cons in your relationship. Think about how you would feel without her if you had a much hotter & funnier & exceptional in bed babe wanting to hook up with you after your divorce.

Answer 8

You love your wife. What you are experiencing is call MARRIAGE. Being hot and good in bed does not a marriage make. She has to be doing something more than that if you've lasted however long it has been. You should both go see the movie "I think I love my wife". My fiance and I went to see it together, along with, it seems, 30 other couples and after the movie there were lots of couples left, sitting and talking - my fiance and I were one of those. I think the movie forces you to look at the truths about marriage - that it's not all rosey-keen - and decide for yourself what's important. Try it. Good luck.

Answer 9

Do you respect her? Does she respect you? Do you respect yourself? Does she respect herself?

Most importantly.... Do you both respect and value your relationship? Do you put it above all others?

When you "argue" do you come to resolutions? If she is right do you tell her that? If you are right does she tell you?

I am sure you have annoying habits as well but did she have these habits before but you just thought they were "cute" then?

Leaving is the lazy way. You can take the time to work on your relationship and have a loving fulfilling commitment to each other or you can bail and know that you did not do everything in your power to make a relationship work.

Answer 10

I was going to answer this and then I thought about it and realized how much better off she would be if you left. Any jerk that makes a pro and con list about staying with his wife doesn't deserve a wife, not just the wife you have now but any wife ever. Every single one of your reasons for leaving is immature but then once again... you don't deserve a wife so why would it matter. Oops I answered so sorry... you made me do it!