while my wife was away and she knew my wife was away. She started crying on my shoulder about her husband problems and I held her and consoled her. Then she started stroking my arms and told me what a good man I was and kissed me on the lips. I had an erection and we almost reached a breaking point but I backed off. I told her I didn't know what happened and she told me that we must have chemistry. This was the closest I ever came to cheating. It just fell in my lap, I was not looking for it but I think I handled it well. I feel like a good man today.
The big question today is, should I tell my wife or just let it die?
2007-04-04 03:08:23 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have to say, this is the type of thing that I myself would much rather hear from my husband himself (who exchnaged vows with me that I believe are meaningful) than my so called "friend' who made a pass at him.
I doubt her "friend" will have the guts to say anything, but you risk coming out as the bad guy if she does and you don't. At least if you are honest with your wife, you've been honest, and she can be aware that her friend might not be as good a friend as she thought (which incidently makes you a better friend also).
Sure, I'd probably be mad, but when I've heard it from him, I get over it quicker because I know that at least he was honest enough to tell me about it.
Oh yeah, I wouldn't tell your wife "it just fell in your lap," I'm sure she's seen the flirting at some point, and it does not mean there is chemistry either. It means that other woman is hot to trot. Seriously, what kind of woman cheats on her husband and with her friend's husband? I think there's more, but maybe I'm wrong.
Hope it works out in your favor and that all remain well between you and your wife.
2007-04-05 17:34:19 · answer #1 · answered by got_3_4now 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you feel good about yourself and handled it well, I would just let it die. The question is, will your wifes friend tell her?
If you think she will, your better off telling her first and hearing the truth versus coming to you after she has told her.
Good luck
2007-04-04 12:01:50 · answer #2 · answered by Ekimo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It was good that you "backed off", even though you had let it go too far to begin with. You must never allow yourself to be alone with this woman EVER AGAIN! She is emotionally confused and needy, and while she likely needs someone to talk to, it is inappropriate for a emotionally vulnerable person to seek comfort/advice from someone of the opposite gender. If she approaches you again you must tell her that you can not help her with her with her marital problem and suggest she find a female or counselor to speak with. Stay Away! Guard your heart! Protect your marriage! You've made a promise to your wife, a contract that should be taken very seriously. Your wife deserves you to honor it and respect her. If you believe there is something missing in your own marriage that made you susceptible to the girlfriend's come-ons, you must address your own marital problems. Fix your marriage - make it worth staying committed to. Long-term, deep, devoted love is meant to be very satisfying, sexy, and exciting! Your wife's sexy friend is not the answer to any of your own problems or needs while you are married. Nor are you the answer to hers. Physical attraction between male and female is natural, so don't be fooled that physical excitement means that you are soul mates or that you have chemistry or love. Dont be fooled that the thrill of the unfamiliar or off-limits is anything deeper or more real than that.
Now, to finally answer your question, I generally feel it is best to confess to your wife and to someone else of the same gender about occurances like these. Confessing makes you accountable for your actions and forces you (and your wife) to face problems that exist in your marriage and in yourselves. However, it is conceivable to me that if this was a one time occurance and you are able to prevent this from ever happening again, perhaps you can re-committ yourself to your marriage without telling your wife. In order to recommitt yourself to your marriage though, you will need to be able to let go of fantasies and romantic notions about the sexy girlfriend and realize that you should not be flattered, but rather insulted, by her attention. It shows grave disrespect for you and your marriage vows, your wife (her own friend!), as well as herself and her husband. Please also don't be fooled by her flattering remarks of you being a "good man". Good men don't committ adultery and betray and deceive their wives and families. (If you have intercouse with this woman, you must tell your wife so she can be tested for sexually transmitted diseases.) Please please know how devasted your wife will be by such a betrayal of trust by two of the people she likely trusts the most. Her self esteem and security will be shattered. No matter what the state of your marriage is, I trust you do not want to do that to the person who you love, or at least once loved very much. I don't expect that you will feel like a "good man" after that. Trust me, you will be consumed by guilt and self-loathing eventually, when your conscience catches up with you. I hope this helps.
2007-04-04 11:59:21 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
geeez... I think you ought to tell your wife... but expect a few weeks of trouble... and she will be losing her friend... And yes you should be proud of yourself but don't play so innocent either... she always flirted with you and you held her in your arms? And she started stroking your arms? And you're saying no alarm bells were going off until she kissed you? Were you hypnotized?
2007-04-04 11:28:31 · answer #4 · answered by aspicco 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I was you i would tell her just leave the Erection part out.
2007-04-04 11:11:15 · answer #5 · answered by bob r 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋