Am I wrong? How much risk would you be willing to take for a boyfriend?

Question

I am recently divorced (although we were legally seperated for well over a year) and trying to start a new life. I have been with my boyfriend for just about a year. I love this man a great deal. He treats me better than anyone I have ever been with. Though in the year that we have been together, we have never spoken about marriage. Which is fine, I have been happy with the way things are. Anyway, he has decided that he wants to go into a training program that will cost him $20,000. He would graduate in about four months and is pretty much guarenteed a good paying job right away. However, his credit score is too low to qualify for the loan. He is asking me to co-sign on this $20,000 loan. I told him that while I love him, believe in him and support him fully, I am not comfortable doing this. I only make $20,000 a year! He is angry and says that I do not trust him or believe that he is a good person. He has no one else to turn to, his family is living in another country.

I am basically the only person who can co-sign for him. So, my question is......am I wrong not to co-sign on his school loan? Is being cautious worth loosing someone I love? What would you do? Thanks in advance for any answers.:)

Answer 1

i would not co-sign,,,, he is a boyfriend,,, not a husband,,,,,,,, you have no obligation to tie up your finances with his, nor should he expect it,,,,,,, it sounds like you kinda went right from your marriage into a serious relationship,,, which can work out,,,,, but i would be cautious,,,,,, he certainly has no reason nor should he get mad at you, for not being willing to help finance his education, even a husband shouldnt do that!

Answer 2

...or in my case, a girlfriend ;) Ok, but seriously now: I do understand the predicament you're in. You want to help but you don't want to jeopardize your future with the possibility of getting stuck with a $20,000 loan that you can't afford to pay back. That's good sound logic, so please stick with that!

Let's assume that your boyfriend is a decent, honest fellow and that he has the ability and determination to excel in his class. What if in four months, he completes his training and the "guaranteed" job is no longer waiting for him? If you don't believe anything else I tell you, believe this: THERE ARE NO GUARANTEES of employment!

I repeat: do NOT believe ANY promises of employment following a four month training program!

This school has succeeded in selling a dream to your boyfriend: invest $20,000 in our risk-free program and it will pay for itself--a very common tactic with diploma mill trade schools! They might just as well have offered to sell him the goose that lays golden eggs.

Listen, I'm not downplaying the importance of education--quite the contrary. What I'm saying is that he should get an education at a reputable college. That same $20,000 will be much better spent on a two year or four year program that is broad enough to qualify him for entry level employment in a variety of positions versus specializing in a "hot" technology that may be obselete in six months.

He won't have to come up with all of the money up front, either. Even if he can't get a loan from anyone--which seems highly unlikely in these times where lenders are entirely too eager to trap people in debt for the rest of their natural lives--he can work and take classes on a part-time basis. He may be able to get a grant or a scholarship.

I'm telling you all this because I've been there, done that, and gotten the degree! Low credit score? I had no credit score! It wasn't easy, but it did pay off.

Your boyfriend is being selfish and immature by making such accusations. I won't say dump him--yet--but definitely put your foot down and demand that he grow up and show you some respect by not asking you to take such a risk. Love is grand, but it won't keep the rent paid and food on the table.

Tell him that you will support him as best as you are able and that if that isn't good enough, maybe he should find himself a new girlfriend: one named "Patsy"!

Answer 3

I don't blame you. I wouldn't co-sign either. If you guys happened to break up and he didn't pay on the loan, it would affect your credit for a while. So that would affect you next time you want credit for a car, furniture, or a mortgage, etc. It is best to keep your credit separate from your b/f and spouse.

I just heard a story last night. A guy asked his g/f to cash a $1000 check for him because he would have to wait 5 business days to do it in his account. She did it, gave him the money, then the next time she went home he cleaned out the apartment and moved out, took her stuff too. The check was a phony check. She was devastated.... $20,000 is a lot of money and would take you a long time to try to pay off if he defaulted on the loan. Don't do it!!!! If he truly loved you, he would understand the risk that he has asked of you.

Answer 4

Wow...only you can make that judgement, but being a girl not making a lot and with him not having married you yet, I would be very shy if I was you. BTW what the hell kind of training pgm costs 20K for 4 months? The best private schools in the country are that much for an entire school year. I would be very leery of that too...sounds like a scam to me...there are no guaranteed good paying jobs out there after 4 mnths of training. I'd do a lot more research before co-signing

Answer 5

You are doing what you feel in your heart is right. First of all you have known him for a year but let me tell you you never really know someone until years later. What if you sign for the loan and he misses a payment or better yet ask you to make the payment. You are looking out for you what if you need to buy a house or a car somewhere down the line do you really want to have that on your credit and it is not helping you only him. Think it over before you make the final decision

Answer 6

Well, first off...there is a reason he has bad credit. Second, he should not attempt to manipulate your decision with the "you don't love/trust me" speech. Third, trust your instincts...they are telling you NO. Fourth, you would feel resentment for him that would bring the relationship crashing down anyhow. Fifth point...if you still decide to co-sign the loan for this boyfriend...be sure to do it before you are officially divorced. That way the soon ex hubby to be might just have to take responsibility for your boyfriend's financial debt. Wouldn't that be a kick in the pants. Did you ever think that maybe this new boyfriend of yours is using this "money borrowing" tactic to get out of the relationship. Gives him a great excuse to leave if you do not give in to his manipulation. I would not fall for it. I'd kick him to the curb. Does not sound like unconditional love..sounds like lust that is waning.

Answer 7

I would have to lose him then. You would be the biggest fool on the phase of the earth if you let that happen. If you all were married, that would be a totally different story. If you do decide to do it, get a lawyer to draw up some legal papers on the repayment of this loan. If he does not agree to that, then his intentions are worth looking at a second time. You all have been dating for one year and marriage has never came up, that makes me doubt the sincerity of this relationship. The only way I would do it is with some kind of binding legal agreement that will hold up in a court of law. Take this advice for what its worth.

Answer 8

You are NOT wrong. What you did was right, No one can force you not even for love. If he remains to act that way, then he doesn't really love you and have been taking advantage of you. In the long run, you're the one who is going to suffer, how can he afford the money? A Credit score is an indicator how a person is capable or responsible in paying his dues. If he wants it so badly, then he has to work for it. A loan is an easy way out. He should prove to you his love by finding ways to afford it by himself.

Answer 9

Well, it sounds like you're a very smart person =) and I'm glad that he's someone you want to be with. However, I wouldn't want to co sign anything that high to someone I'm not married to, you know? Marriage may not have anything to do with it, but technically it does. Let's say he misses payments if you cosign, it hurts both your credit and can sink you in a month. You wouldn't be able to walk away from that. I would not sign for the loan. I don't even lend friends money in fear I won't get it back, but that's a personal decision =) They might get $10 but that's it. Stand your ground.

Answer 10

Do not do this or you will be on Judge Judy suing him for the 5000 limit. After a year of living together you have found out that he doesn't really love you he wants the money. What boot camp are we talking about? For a good attitude or more discipline in his life? After only a year together he can't possibly want you to spend an entire years salary on a slim possibility he will get a good job when its over.. unless its all guaranteed and you have him sign a promissary note in front of a notary.. DO NOT put yourself into debt for a boyfriend!

Answer 11

Marriage and $20,000 loans in the first year of a relationship is absolutly out of the question.