His father died 5 years ago.The abuse stopped when he moved out at 18 7 years ago.I feel so helpless.What can I do to be supportive?I'd love to hear from someone who's been where I am now.
2007-04-04 02:07:15 · 17 answers · asked by Riley 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
if he wants to talk just listen and be there for him. don't push him let him come to you in his own time. all you can do is be there if he needs you
2007-04-04 02:09:44 · answer #1 · answered by JM 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I've gone through abuse when I was younger, and now being in a relationship, I try not to talk about it. If it does come out, however, I think I would want to be treated just as if nothing happened. Talking about it and you bringing it up and showing support may constantly remind him of his not so happy past! When he mentions it, just tell him you're always there to help, but don't go deep into details unless he willingly tells you all about it.
2007-04-04 02:17:36 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, I'm sorry to hear about all of this. The best thing to do really is just to be with him. I wouldn't bring things up unless he does. Counseling is definitely something he should consider. This way it will allow him to heal from what his father did to him and also the death of his father. I'm guessing he has a lot of repressed feelings about both situations. Even if he doesn't think he needs it or says he's strong enough; he should truly consider it. You can offer to be with him if he chooses to go or let him go at it alone =) Best Wishes!
2007-04-04 02:21:16 · answer #3 · answered by suzlaa1971 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was abused....I'm going deaf due to it...it is something he has to go to a proffessional for..I think..or read alot of self help books...usually people that have been abused do not like/love themselves very much and either are yes men or introverted and shy and say nothing and get walked on all their lives or the opposite........I was the first..not fun...and the later can't be fun...so you need to be understanding..but he too needs to let it GO!! He has to say good bye to that child that was so hurt and be the adult...he has a choice to do that....he can choose to let the past rule his life or move on and be an adult..the past is gone and the past won' t come back........the future is bright and limitless..........you can remind him of that AND give him compliments....he will like that...don't over do it though
2007-04-04 02:13:57 · answer #4 · answered by angeleyez1956@verizon.net 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to listen to him, but only ask questions when and if he brings it up. he will also more than likely be non trusting of you and most others. Accept that ASAP. His most comforting childhood relationship(s) were not there, he learned to trust no one. Intimacy will be a real challenge for him (not sexual...but openness and emotional closeness). You can support him by trying to understand that he will need you to teach him what trust and love look like in relationship.
2007-04-04 02:17:51 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
People who have endured abuse may find it difficult to set healthy boundaries and may let you get away with treating them kind of badly (treating them with something less than respect) while they sit there silently supressing a resentment that builds over time.
If your relationship with this young man is going to be successful, he needs to be able to tell you when you cross those lines, and it might help if you are aware that he might tend to withdraw rather than assert himself when your behavior is less than respectful. If he feels safe to tell you what bothers him--give him time and space... lots of time and lots of space to tell you these things--then he can open up and become a more assertive person.
If you are disrespectful often, he could be more succeptible to childhood coping mechanisms like denial and suppression.
Good luck to you. Be kind and respectful.
2007-04-04 02:20:07 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Obviously if he still allowed his pappy to slap him around at the age of 18 your fiance lacks in certain areas. For if my pappy tried to undeserving hit me at the age of 18, I'd proceed to give him a thorough beating about his head and shoulders.
However I digress. You should leave him immediately. He's very likely to be abusive to your own children someday.
2007-04-04 02:13:50 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Help him by being a listener
Although, I think he anyway need professional help but you can also support him. Let him vent out his feelings and trauma. Just be a listener and carefully listen to every detail he says. Help him to vent it out completely.
2007-04-04 02:19:41 · answer #8 · answered by ashley 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best way that you can help is to simply be there for him..
Listen when he needs to talk about it.
Re assure him of your love for him. Be sensitive to his moods but most of all be the rock he can depend on.
As two young people I wish you both well.
2007-04-04 02:17:30 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
avoid as much as possilbe things that suggest or imply that u might be abusive in anywhere. always make her feel secured with u and ve the feeling that u ll protect her from anyone dat might hurt her.
2007-04-04 02:12:15 · answer #10 · answered by joddie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not abuse him.Treat him well with love and utmost respect after what he has gone through!
2007-04-04 02:11:27 · answer #11 · answered by cool_honeybabe 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋