Anyone raised without a father? How has it affected your life?

Question

I was raised without him and never met him. I dont feel it has affected mine in anyway.
My mum left him before I was born because he was physically abusive. I get alot of people umming and ahhing me when I tell them that I dont know who he is but its never bothered me. I dont have any desire to meet him, and I dont get jealous that my friends and brother have contacts with theirs. I dont try and find a 'father figure' with older men. I had a fun and full childhood and my life now is pretty good

Im just wondering if there is anyone out there who feels the same way. Answers would be cool. Thanks!!

Answer 1

Hi my dad died wen i was 7 I'm now 21 and still going strong its hard but life gos on, even if its tuff

Answer 2

Well, it's like being blind... you don't miss, what you never had. I was also raised without my father. I don't think it bothered me growing up because my life was filled with people who loved me. However, when it did effect me the most is when I became and adult and a parent. I love my children so so much and can't imagine just taking off and never seeing them, or caring about them. This is when it effects me. But, I could careless about the man. I think my life would of been different though. Financially, my mom couldn't give me a wedding, or pay for college, or go on family vacations. But, the love was there and I guess that's all that matters. Families come in all different forms, there is no one normal family and the way you were raised (without the father) is most likely the way a good majority of children are raised. Sad isn't it? Just make sure come time.. you're a good parent and use it as a positive in your life.

Answer 3

To have a caring Father in the family is of course a Lucky thing. But having a careless father is as good as not having a father. My father was eccentric and used to abuse my mother. But my mother was very simple and tolerated all his abuse by dreaming that I will grow up and will give her the peace she wanted. I am therefore brought up on my own and learned the lessons of life in a hard way. That way I am now so strong that any adversities, calamities I faced I came out more shining. But when I look in retrospect I find that had my father been more responsible I would have been a Lucky man. I have faced all "have nots" of life. Since I was well placed in later life all my near relations used to look at me for help without giving any thought to the fact that I also might be having my own problems. I thus wanted a shoulder to shed tears which I never got in my life. I met a life partner as eccentric as my father which made my life more miserable. Philosophically speaking I consoled myself that if there was no love in your life why feel sorry about it. I am now 56 and when I want some one to care for me there is no one even though I did whatever I could for those who came in contact with me.

Answer 4

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Although technically I grew up with my father, he worked away and I only saw him intermittently throughout my childhood. he kept coming and going so much (he worked unbelievably hard to make sure we wanted for nothing but I would have preferred to see him) I used to get confused about who he was.

Mum and dad separated when I was 15 and then Mum died when I was 16, all of a sudden i had this Dad that I barely knew as we had never had that father/daughter relationship like all my other friends had. I found it very difficult after Mum died and so did he. I don't think we actually bonded properly, he soon met someone else and remarried, I was quickly booted out of the family home at just 18, I don't think he would have let that happen if we had had a closer relationship.

I think if you know your Dad and grow up without him it can affect you, if you have never known him you don't miss what you never had.

I don't have much contact with my Dad now as his wife doesn't like him to talk to me, he didn;t even come to my wedding, it's very sad. I'm pregnant and he probably won't ever see his Grandchild.

Luckily I have great in laws!!!!

Answer 5

I was able to be raised by my dad instead of my mom. My mother left my dad when I was 3 and were divorced when I was 5 due to her being abusive. I think it had a big impact in my life i grew up with a lot of responsibilities in my life i have 2 older brothers and a younger sister and was the oldest female in the house. I did all the cleaning cooking and now i am who i am today which i am thankful for. Granted i do love my mom just cause she is my mom and i wouldn't be here today if she wasn't my mom even though i don't know her she is still my mom.

Answer 6

Its the same with everything you dont miss what you have never had.
Sometimes I worry about my son as he is an only child and I remember my childhood growing up with lots of brothers and sisters I feel sad for him that he will never have that bond with any sibllings (I cant have any more children).
But hopefully he wont see it that way as he wouldnt know what it is like to have had them.
I think it is a little sad that you have no contact with your father and it happens a lot these days but if he is as your mother said he was then maybe your better off.
my husband recently met his real father, after 25 years though an ad been placed in the sun newspaper, his mother had told him lots of bad things about him been abusive etc.
but it turned out none of that was true and his father had been searching for him this whole time.
there are 2 sides to every story but if you are happy with what you have got then thats all you need. xx

Answer 7

I do not remember my father because he left to join the R.A.F. when I was a year old,(born 1938) As you can see I am an old lady though not at heart. I would give anything to have had the chance to have known him.He died in a Japanese prison labour camp at the age of 29 yrs.It makes me sad when I see the fractured relationships of today.Then again, in former times women put up with abusive relationships and carried on, so I think your mum was really strong to leave your dad and she's obviously given you a great life, so now it's up to you.If it ain't broke, don't fix it. If you change your mind later, you may act on it then.

Answer 8

my husbands father left his mother for another woman when he was just 8 years old. He has a lot of anger towards his father for leaving, especially the fact that his mum then told him that he looked like his dad and beat him for it. Lots of kids grow up without both parents, and the majority are fine, but it can be damaging to some

Answer 9

I know my dad, (unfortunatley) but he has never been there. I am now 19 years old and he still isnt here. He is a multi millionaire, property is his buisness and being a carpenter. However, he has never given me a penny. I dont want his money, but i have grown up in childrens homes and i lived in hostels from the age of 16-18 to get my flat. He never helped me. He watched me struggle and go college at the same time. I passed my diploma with distinction, and he said he would help me with my driving lessons, he never did.

Then last year, oh and by the way, he looks after my little brother cause he wanted to get back at my mum( pathetic plan), he decided to up and leave. Whcih means leaving my brother in the uk alone at the age of 15. !!!! He did, he fu(*ked off to Thailand and left my little bro here to fend for himself. My mum dont realy know him as my dad kept him wel away from her cause he is a spitful wan*ker. So my bro and my mum have been trying hard to make it work, but if i am being honest, i aint never gonna work.

There are 4 of us children, and we are all young, and he still left and doesnt even call. On my BIRTHDAY I texted him and reminded hiim it was my birthday, he didnt even text me back. Thats what kind of man my dad is.

So darling my point is, even if you had known your dad, it might not make a difference. For me, i would have preferred not to have known my dad, at least that way i could dream of him being "normal" or dream of him wanting to find me and look after me but something so major has stopped him. Somtimes NOT knowing can be better than knowing. I hate my dad, it does effect me, especially recently as i have told him exactly how i feel and he has been sending me spitful emails, this is a man at the age of 53!!! Unbeleivable.


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Answer 10

I am 24 and only met my father for the first time last year ( he live in miami and I live in london) I wasn't really bothered about meeting him but I was curious, and we haven't spoken since, I can't see how it has a major effect on my life my mum is wonderful and has always been there for me.

Answer 11

What a good question and answer all in one. my son is growing up without a father due to unforseen cirmustances (mainly his father didnt want to face up to his responsiblity) and i worry constantly on how it will effect my son, he is 7 now and is starting to ask questions i try be as honest as i can without being hurtful as i think honesty is the best policy
i try to be both mother and father doing things with him all the time that both parents would ie, the mammy thing = caring for him, playing games with him etc , the father thing = bringing him to football and to go fishing etc and most of all showing him how loved he is
i just hope he turns out as well balanced as you about it all thanks for that have a good day xx