Am I destined to repeat my parents' mistakes?

Question

My mother has been treated my father like crap for the last 25 years.He's done everything she asked of him but it's never good enough.He stuck around because he didn't want me and my brother to come from a broken home as he grew up without his dad around.Watching all this going on has made a huge impact on me and I'm afraid that I'll treat my husband just as she's treating my dad one day as I'm treated some boyfriends like that too.She's incredibly self-centered and greedy and I'm terrified of turning into her.What can I do to make sure I never repeat her mistakes?I'm only 19 and the though of becoming like her terrifies me.

Answer 1

Well the fact that your aware of it is the biggest step. My dad is a raging drug user. Prescriptions, booze. even crack at one point. The crap he put me and my family thought would horrified many. When I was growing up first thing i did was "I don't want to be like that" I am aware of his problems and i go out of my way to avoid them. I have never used drugs. I have a sip of Margareta once a month or so. I didn't even have my first drink tell i was 24 when i thought i could Handel it. I still have his temper but whenever it comes out i catch myself and calm myself down. I think i am a better person becuase I saw his mistakes and conciously decided not to make the same ones.

Answer 2

Who you become and how you treat people is totally up to you. You do not have to be like your Mom. I grew up in a home where my parents fought all the time and eventually they divorced after 25 years of marriage. Honestly, I wish they would have gotten divorced sooner, because they made us miserable, too. My Dad yelled and screamed at my Mom, they called each other names and separated at least once a year from the time I was in Jr High all the way through High school. It was a very negative environment to grow up in and not a very good role model for me as a future husband. I am proud to say though, that I learned from their mistakes and am happily married to the love of my life. We never fight, and if we have a disagreement, we always talk it out and then it's done. I am nothing like my Dad was. Take what you've learned from your parents, the positive and the negative and make your own decisions and become the kind of person you choose to be. Create your own future and live your own life in your own way. Learning from their mistakes will help you in the future.

Answer 3

You are your own person. You see what is going on and take notice...that is the first step. Do you or have you treated boyfriends like that?? I think you will be fine because you see how wrong it is already.
Let me tell you this...my grandmother (God Bless her, shes 85 now) did the same thing to my grandpa. He did EVERYTHING for her and she was NEVER satisfied. My mother on the other hand has been married for over 40 years to my father and they have a wonderful marriage...she is NOTHING like my grandmother.
Focus on your relationships and have fun...you're only 19. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and will not repeat the mistakes your mother made.

Answer 4

First thing you should consider is that there are always people who feel more secure when dominated in a relationship. So "treating like crap" is pretty vague. With that in mind, the fact that you realize that some of your actions haven't been good is a step in the right direction. I would explain to any fellows you date of the situation you grew up with and the impact and fears it has caused. Have them let you know when they feel like you are being mean. If they can communicate with you, you can work on your responses to the situation.

Answer 5

I feared the worst, also. I mistrust men because of how I was treated in my first marraige. Sometimes my husband now will ask me about it,,,,it gives me the perspective to stop and think about how I'm acting.

Only God's forgiveness for your life will allow you to forgive others, especially your parents. Only when we accept ourselves and ask forgiveness for the sins that we make, or mistakes that we make, make it possible for God to allow us to forgive other people for the sins that they made in the past toward us. Christ died for everything, so if you still can't handle your parent's sins, maybe you think too highly of what you are doing??

I hated my family, to the point where I told peopel that I was adopted. I act like my mother, I hate to say, my husband points this out to me and that makes me forgive her that much more. I don't want to be like my mother, or have the family that I grew up in, but my forgiveness that they are human and did the best they could makes me a better person by acknowleging that and recognizing it and then forgiving it.

I'm not perfect, I'm a human, my family was made from a human relationship, so God's grace and forgiveness covers all of the above. People criticize Christians as being intolerant and hateful, not true. I heard Elton John wants to ban religion. To me, that is intolerant and hateful.

Answer 6

You're aware of the danger of it, and that's the first step. You have noticed some of her behaviour reflected in you, so that's great that you have realised.

Half the work is done, but remember you are NOT your mother. You don't have to fall into the traps, and you won't. Just be aware of it when it happens. When you enter into a serious relationship, express your concerns to your partner - the best remedy is to be able to speak openly about it. Notice the kind of men you are attracted to, and if you find you're attracted to those you can control more easily, then ask yourself why that is, and consider the alternative.

Good luck!

Answer 7

Iv'e often wondered if i'll end up like my mother. Then I get frightened that if I concentrate on trying not to become my mother and not just living, that I'll make my own mistakes. Sure the mistakes will then be my own at least but I should just try to be myself, live life to the fullest. I'm in control of my life and the choices I make and so are you!

Answer 8

because you realise this and don't want to be like your mother you probably won't but you still might have some subconsciencious behavioral patters that might come up during an argument or times when your not thinking clearly. also you might become just like your father and end up in a relationship where your husband is bossing you around like your mother bossed your father around so be carefull of getting in a relationship with bossy people.

Answer 9

Whenever you feel like you might turn into her, just think of how important it is not to. Think of how your father felt. You always have to sit where the other person has sat, put yourself in their shoes. Knowing what you stand for limits what you fall for. Hold your values and morals high, things will fall into place!

Answer 10

I am sure since you are so worried about this situation that, rather than repeating her mistakes, you will learn from HER mistakes and prevent history from repeating! Trust me sweetie, my mom is a basket case, and I didn't turn out like her.