Whats this mean...?

Question

I have a question or two.. I've been with my boyfriend for over 4 years, and just recently we've established careers.. well he said he did want to get engaged once everything settled.. well lately he's been hiding text messages, and calls from me. He texts right in front of me but NEVER lets me see anything. He says it is a surprise and that I will really like it and that he's getting advice from his best friend on what to do. I keep bothering him about it because it makes me angry but he says "your going to ruin it... or why would i text another girl in front of you?"

On the flip side.. he says is scared that when everything settles down that I won't wanna move in with him but I tell him why wouldn't I after 4 years?

Anyway.. am I paranoid, or is he cheating?

Answer 1

I say after 4 years you know him well enough, go with your gut. I bet it is right. If this is a new behavior on his part, I would question it too. Does he tell you his password to his email, or hide that from you too? What about his phone bill, does it all get thrown away but the bill part, before you get home? Don't be afraid to question him, if you love this man, he should respect you enou to tell you the truth, plus you plobably already know when he is lying.

Answer 2

I've been on both sides of this coin....and I won't tollerate secrets. I was married almost 15 yrs with secrets... and well "that ended" ....i've now been remarried almost 10 yrs and well maybe it's men's nature but I gave him the ultimatum.... we don't have secrets.... trust is no. 1... if I can't trust you and you can't trust me... then there's no love. Trust comes before love... you lose trust, how can you love someone? We don't keep anything from each other. If I felt there was something secrective going on....and his family has their own issues on this...i've just told him my reasons are valid, there's always a door he can walk out of if he doesn't like the fact that trust is a big issue for me. I tell him "there's my computer" I have nothing to hide...and therefore he should have nothing to hide from me... If I talk to friends and i'm upset... I do it in front of him, not to hurt him, but because I don't do things behind his back....

I'm going to give you a tip that recently made our marriage even better. It's called a book "Its' {mostly} his fault" and it's written by a MALE marriage councelor. It's been fantastic... Sure I have insecurities...as I said I have a past...but my current also has a past that someone betrayed him so we are learning together to not be afraid of love... Right from the start I knew if we didn't make this work [and believe me it's been work most 9 yrs] we'd both run from trying to be happy again.

Maybe my situation warrant's being an open book... and vise versa...but it's definitely something to think about if he TRULY CARES.

If it is a surprize he's trying to send flowers or a ecard..etc...then where's the proof...or why is he doing this in front of you??? thats no surprize. It sounds almost like he wants you to be jelous. That's not nice.

I'd sit down with him and say "it's time to talk" yes that's in the book to...but nothing us women haven't known already. Tell him you need to talk to him from your heart.. and want him to do the same. It's better to find out now then later if he has a change of heart...it will hurt but hopefully it will give him something to think about.

Best wishes, Lynn

Answer 3

I'm sorry, but I think you have every right to be paranoid. It sounds, to me, like he's definitely hiding something from you, and I don't think it's a good thing! I think that 4 years is a long time for hanging in there. It sounds like he is making every excuse possible for his commitment to you. The question is - How much longer are you willing to hang in there and just be "brought along" on all of his adventures, text messaging, surprises, etc. Although I'm not sure he is "cheating" on you, but I do think that it may be in the works. I would definitely find out the truth with this guy and get an answer about your relationship or move along and quit wasting your time. Best of luck to you!

Answer 4

Obviously, there are trust issues between you two. I wouldn't even consider getting engaged right now. You need to play cool and see what happens. I would think by 4 years you two would be closer. When does he say he is scared? When you do something to create(threaten?) some space? If so, it's could just a hook to keep you from leaving him. You two have intimacy issues. First, talk to him about how you feel. You need to be alone and undistracted. If you feel he is listening to you and not just saying what you want to hear... great, open up to each other. If not. If he refuses or avoids opening up I would suggest a couple's therapist. I would highly suggest it. If you are considering marrying this guy don't settle... you'll regret it later. Again, I speak from experience. ;)

Answer 5

It does matter because you have been in a committed relationship for over four years and if you have spoken of marriage then you have every right to be concerned. Listen to your heart, if you feel something isn't right, most likely there may be something going on. I am not saying that he is cheating but here are some tale tell signs, coming in late, not returning calls, keeping secrets, all of the sudden him having a new girl "friend" that you have never met. You know your man better than anyone so listen to your heart. Good luck.

Answer 6

>am I paranoid, or is he cheating?

Anybody here who pretends to be able to honestly answer this question with the information you've provided is lying to you. We don't have enough information

You might be paranoid. You kinda sound paranoid, but I don't really know. You have given no information to support the idea that your boyfriend is cheating.

His text messages are his own business unless he wants to share them with you. They're private. Give him space. If he's cheating, it will come out, eventually through another channel. Hardly anybody can keep that secret intact for very long.

In the meantime, you are in serious danger of driving your loved one away with your fear and over-intrusivness. People need to have private space and even a spouse or girlfriend isn't entitled to read email or text messages without permission. She shouldn't take offense if permission is refused.

Answer 7

we shared a same question mark but I'm happilly married .
this past few months, my lovely sweet wife handled a cafe after 12 years been a full time housewife and mum of 3.Business going good under her management but this lately
she been hiding calls from me.we had a big fight yesterday and not been talking to each others since.she accused me mis-trust her and I accused her cheating me.why she can't talk over the phone infront of me, why the secret.this phone issue really hurted me and her too.Perhap I'm in a 'blind ' jealously and she's right.I really love her true but this feels of losing killing me badly.

Answer 8

Paranoid, don't "ruin" it. Maybe it's related to the engagement? If you dont trust him, marriage is gonna suck...give it some time, see what happens.

Answer 9

I am going to have to agree with DiesixDie. Think about what you are doing...are you not causing friction between the 2 of you everytime you ask who he is texting???

Answer 10

for four years is'nt the reason for a true love, it's honesty and trust. why can't he let it share with you if there's nothing to hide for, if there is a little doubt in you bout his faithfulness try to investigate a little to have peace of mind..as a couple you have to share everything 'coz you're one.