People who believe "I'm the husband therefore I get the last word"?

Question

Okay, yes I know it's oh so biblical, but is it just that way because it makes it easier on you? I mean, instead of having to listen to your wife or finding a compromise the husband can say "No. Last word."

I was raised in a Christian enviroment. The whole the husband is the head of the household still exists. My sister in law does everything my brother wants and would never disagree with him on anything because she is his wife and therefore must not even when what he is saying or doing is absolutely wrong. I can't wrap my mind around it except that it's just easier than compromising and working together because if that fails or if they don't bother the husband can just get the final word in as the head of the household. Am I right?

Clearly, I don't agree with this sort of mentality or the gender bias that it requires, but I'm looking for some sort of rational to this. Faith, stereotypes, prejudice of women ect. are not reason. What is your reasoning?

If you didn't get it the first time. I said I do not live this way nor do I agree with it. I just wanted to know what the reasoning was behind it.

Answer 1

Bible was written by MALES in a MALE dominant society. And I know that goes against what you had as what you wanted as an answer. As a result, please keep reading....

When I got married, my pastor's sermon was very biblical and contrary to the whole man gets the last word thing. Women were not made from a bone in his head in order that they may dominate they male. NOR were they made from the bones in the feet so that the male may dominate. Rather, they were made from a rib, close the the heart, so that women may be loved and treated as equals. Man and woman were to be companions, not one dominate over the other.

Not to mention, if God had wanted women to be serviant to their husbands, he wouldn't have given us free will.

None of this is saying we should be arguing with our husbands every minute, and there is nothing wrong with the man being the "head of the household." HOWEVER, the best government leaders, heads of corporations, etc, listen to those around them...and that should include the wife.

Just another interpretation of the bible for you to think about.

Answer 2

If their relationship works and both are happy with the way they've split responsibilities, then what's the problem?

If she is drastically unhappy and feels imprisoned by her husband, then why doesn't she leave? Again, it's her decision to be part of the relationship, and it's their mutual decision to run their relationship in whatever form they deem best that makes them happy. I don't know about you but I'm extremely opposed to some arbitrary outside influence dictating how two people can achieve their happiness.

If you're more bothered by the concept that the husband would have the final word, then I'm even more confused by your position.

It's a statistical fact that in the vast majority of marriages (at least here in the USA where I live) that the wives control the finances and are the final arbiters of major decisions. This is as true inside fundamentalist christian environments as it is anywhere else.

Statistics aside, unless you live somewhere that's drastically socially different than anywhere I've ever been (and I've lived all over the USA) then you should already know that women have far more power (in general) in their marriages then men do. It's a basic fact of life, and just because we can measure it in terms of who controls spending is only a reflection of that fact.

Yet strangely there is no outcry from you over how unfair it is that women control the pursestrings.

You are upset though that in one particular case the couple has decided that the husband should have the final say (which does not mean that the wife isn't still firmly in control of the marriage btw - a wise woman understands that she has all the power in the relationship and uses that power positively).

You should re-examine your own stereotypes here in that you are assuming some basic things about couples who for whatever reason choose to subscribe to this particular type of marriage. Assuming it is a backwards 'mentality' or that it is based on or requires a 'gender bias' is a reflection of your own beliefs, not necessarily anything factual. In general (and not knowing the specifics of your sister's marriage works and freely admitting that her own relationship might fit your profile) It does not mean that the husband is controlling or thinks that the wife is inferior in anyway (though it does imply that the wife trusts the husband quite a bit - actually a sign of a strong marriage), nor does it imply that either couple is intolerant or ignorant.

Working together as equals is important in any marriage, but that doesn't necessarily equate both partners having equal responsibility on every issue. That's simply not possible. In any social situation where you put two people together, they will form a dynamic where one will defer to the other on certain issues. Smart couples recognize this, play off each other's strengths, and divide key responsibilities. If the most common dynamic is that husbands are in charge of earning money and wives are in charge of how it will be spent, that doesn't make it wrong or backward. That's just reality, and people working together to make the marriage work the best way it can.

If one partner is designated as the captain that will have final say over a decision if there's deadlock, that's actually a very sound and practical plan. Imagine if our military functioned in such a way that no-one had the deciding vote. "I think we should go over the hill and avoid the killing fields of enemy fire to target their positions" "No, I think we should sweep south along the river and avoid the killing fields of enemy fire to come from behind to target the enemy positions". "Okay I guess we'll compromise and split the difference and go directly up through the best field of fire the enemy has and get all our men killed." It would be a disaster, filled with endless compromises and would actually get good men killed.

If your sister in law trusts your husband to be the final arbiter, then that's a decision between the two of them, and it either works or it doesn't. If he endlessly abuses this authority then their marriage will fail. If not then their system actually may strengthen their marriage. Either way, some bizarre notion of how they should behave and run the private affairs of their marriage should not be forced down their throats, nor should they be regarded as crazy, backwards, or innocent just because they have a different marriage dynamic than other people do. As long as we live in a free society, we should be free to choose how we want to live, as long as it doesn't hurt others.

Answer 3

I do believe the husband gets the last word. And I believe husband and wife should submit to each other. I am NOT for the woman having to do anything and everything the husband says or the woman NOT having any say in things that affect her. That's just stupid. The way I see it and experience it is that we pretty much talk everything through and usually come to a decision TOGETHER. I disagree with my husband ALL the time.

Answer 4

I'm a Christian, and I don't have to have the last word in anything with my wife, we do comprimise. I think guys who have that mentality in a marriage are only thinking of themselves instead of what's best for their marriage.

With me, my attitude towards my wife is that I put her and her feelings and needs before my own, and if there's a conflict, we talk about it and come to a comprimise instead of saying that it's my way or the high way. I believe that's no way for a marriage to survive.

It also says in the Bible to Love one another. Just because I'm the head of the household, doesn't mean I rule my house like a dictatorship. My wife and I make decisions together.

Hey LeAnn, I love what you said, about what the pastor said at your wedding. I totally agree that husbands and wives are equals, and are partners and should be close to each other's hearts.

Answer 5

When my husband is wrong I let him know he is wrong. I do not let him have the last word either. I am a christian woman but if he is wrong I am not following! My husband knows I am right most of the time. He still tries to argue. I was not raised in a Christian enviorment.

Answer 6

First of all you have to marry a reasonable person who will discuss things with you rather than ruling with an iron hand. Then in the end somebody has to make the final decision and it is usuauly the guy.

Answer 7

I think most of the "reasoning" is basically tradition, habit, and lack of respect. I don't agree with it either, but that's my guess.

By the way, the Bible also says that husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. It's amazing how some guys hammer away at "Wives, submit . . . " and ignore verses in the same chapter.

Answer 8

Head of household does not mean everyone's father. My husband is the head of our household, but he does NOT tell me when I can or cannot talk.
He wouldn't dream of saying, "Last word, no more" to me. I'd rip him a new one. That is very disrespectful and is ONLY used by a man who has no respect for his wife.

Answer 9

No, I've never believed that, although my ex did, and we fought about it.

My husband is younger than I, and grew up in a 'democratic marriage'(his parents) They're actually really happy people, and his Dad is the UN-jerkiest man in my age group that I ever met. His Mom doesn't need to get *itchy to get her way.

As a result, their Son is totally divine. (just a little screwy, but it's part of his charm)

Answer 10

Simple. This is someone who has control issues and needs to seek therapy/counseling to deal with it. He's REALLY going to be upset if he ever finds out that women are smarter than men on average. True fact. Yes, I'm a male. Good luck.