How do I get away from a horrible marriage?

Question

We have a 15 month old, we've been married almost two years, and our careers and relationship have deteriorated to nearly nothing. We're very hateful almost all the time, and I'm miserable and can't get out. Can't think, can't function, just cry a lot about everything. I don't want to feel sorry for myself, but trust me, it's bad... I can't afford to get out. What do I do?

Answer 1

its not a matter of affording.. its a matter of sanity and if you chose to stay then your days will be as you said .. misrable...good luck hope things work out for you.

Answer 2

If you are being abused in any way just leave and deal with it anyway you can. There are many resources out there.

Otherwise, I recommend you go to school now get a good degree in Nursing or another high demand career. There is financial aid available. Do this with great vigor. This will give you the power to support yourself and your child. Also this may take the stress off your marriage in the long run. Get a network of friends to help you thru. Maybe your marriage will improve. If not, you should be able to afford to be on your own. You could seek the help of a family member to care for you child. There is a way somehow if you set your mind to it. And, marriages, even bad ones do get better in some cases. Having a child is hard on a marriage. Try to focus on what you can do instead of what you can't do. And, try not to focus on each others faults.

Answer 3

It's no fun for me to read or answer your question but I feel very bad for you. I am guessing your husband has an income and you don't . . . or you both have jobs but you can't afford to take your child and move into a place of your own and pay for daycare while you work. I am not judging you but the real fix in your situation is the fact you have a 15 month old, and I don't have to tell you what a responsibility that is. I am just automatically assuming here that the child will be better off with you, but I don't know that. So what to do . . .???

Well, do something. I don't know . . . work hard, go to night school, get an education for a better income, get help with babysitting, I just don't know but do something, anything. You have to make it happen for you. Nobody here can help you, except maybe give you a little moral support. Which I hope I am conveying, but crying a lot about everything unfortunately doesn't help you much. Get a divorce. Get child support. Good luck, I mean it.

Answer 4

File bankrupcy on all credit cards. Borrow some money from a friend and move back to your parents, until you can get back on your feet. If moving home is not an option, then find a cheap apt. You have to take your life back and you can only do that if you leave. It is not good for the child or for you. Getting an anti-depressant may help too. Get a divorce and fill out the child support paperwork ASAP. It takes a while for it to go into effect. You will be surprised on how little you really need to get by.

Answer 5

Wow. I guess we can see what the mainstream value is for marriage: Get Out When It Gets Bad.

What do you mean "bad"? is he beating you? that would be bad.

People these days hop into marriages not understanding or even thinking about the severity of committing to someone for life. Too often do we get married out of "passion" while tossing wisdom or understanding out the window. Rarely do people do research on such a worthy institution. "Marriage" has become equal with "dating"; making a vow before God and family considered a promise "for now".

I hear you that you are miserable. And you have an infant to care for.

Therefore I would encourage you to seek support from family, friends, church community etc. and in the meantime......find a professional counsellor so that you can talk to someone about these issues who does not have a connection bias.

Hope this helps!

Answer 6

Why is everyone so quick to divorce? I don't hear anything in this question that indicates there isn't a solution. The first year of marriage is usually the roughest, couple that with the fact that you two have a baby and it sounds like your financial situation isn't good either. I don't hear of any spousal abuse or cheating so there is plenty of room to fix what the problems are. I suggest counseling for both of you (couples or individual). Do you two have time alone together (to go out, to just watch a movie at home, etc?). If not, you need to make time for that as well as time for all three of you to be together.

Answer 7

Do you still want to be in this relationship? If so, get marital counseling if it gets to that point. If not, take time to reconsider everything before you get into a divorce. divorce is hard and you'll have to commit to it and truly believe that that is the ONLY way out. If not, don't rush yourself. Like I keep telling my friend to just be patient cause she chose that person to be married to.

Also, consider about the pros and cons of divorce and keeping the marriage going. See which one is more. If cons is more, and you still want the relationship, seek help. If not, file a divorce.

Do you guys hate each other that much? To the point that you can live w/out him?Think about that? If you can, you'll know what to do next. That's what my mother always tell me. If I can't still leave him, I mind as well not, cause they don't want their reputation to look bad.

Always REMEMBER that you can never out run a bad marriage. That's how life is. Life is never perfect!

Answer 8

Well ask yourself: Can I afford to be miserable? Obviously this answer is a no brain-er. Make plans now to get on the move. Don't stay in a loveless, abusive marriage and damage what is left of your good self esteem. Children should never be the basis of staying in a marriage. If you love this person seek counseling or start saving those pennies for the big move. With hold paying some major bills so you can fly the coop or get a PT job just to get the bucks to go or just leave. It's your call. Best of success to YOU.

Answer 9

Divorce is over rated!!!!!!!!!! You two got married because you's loved each other right? Well you haven't gaven your marriage a chance, let me tell you the beginnings are the hardest so hang in there and go talk to someone, family, friends, a doctor and maybe thats what you need and talk to him and respect what he has to say and if he don't care than leave but make sure you are right about this because its just not you anymore its your child and that more important.

Answer 10

the first question you need to ask yourself is why did you get married in the 1st place. it seems that you were not ready for both and mother hood. it seems that it's possible that you may be suffering from post partum(sp?) depression. it doesn't happen directly after birth but within the 1st 2yrs and that coupled with a new marriage is even more stressful. my suggestion is to talk to both your primary care physician and gyn and discuss taking meds to to help you deal for a while and you need to seek both individual and couples therapy. when you say horrible you need to elaborate. b/c we can only give advice w/ the info given. does he beat you or is it financial. more details please. hang in there unless it's b/c of violence. marriage is always the hardest in the 1st 5yrs. it gets easier. that's what's wrong with young people you all give up way to quickly. get yourself some help and make your descion when you are thinking more clearly.

Answer 11

Have you tried counseling??? You didn't give any reason for not getting along. Is either of you abusive, a drug addict or practicing alcoholic...If not, you owe it to your child to work it out and stay together till the child is 18! Broken homes lead to children with broken hearts. Children growing up like this go through so much pain. Be mature enough to make a wise decision... but put your child first. Its not about the adult but ITS ABOUT THE CHILD. Hope this helps.