What would you do if your husband was suicidal in army?

Question

My husband recently went awol because he said that being in AIT made him feel like he was going to seriously kill himself. I'm not sure what I should do. I'm afraid to tell him to go back, but I don't want him to go to jail. What would you do?

Answer 1

This is a tough situation to respond to. Explain to your husband that he will need proof of his suicidality, and that this can only be provided by a professional. I would suggest that he commit himself to the inpatient mental-health unit of a hospital for observation (typically 24 to 72 hours). He is going to need more proof than just his word to show the Army that he was/is suidical. Going to the hospital shows more seriousness than just presenting oneself to a counselor.

Also, (in the meantime), look for advocates for soldiers and try to get some more specific advice on how you and he should proceed. I don't know where you live, so I can't give you specific ideas. A social worker at your husbands hospital or at a VA hospital may be able to help you, or you could contact a community mental health center, if there is one in your area. Or, you might consider calling a Mennonite church pastor, and asking what services they are aware of. If you decide to call the VA, do so anonymously, so they cannot narc on you or your husband.

If you husband is staying with you, then you could possibly be held legally liable. You must attend to this situation aggressively, that is, by making as much effort as quickly you can to get the right help and advice. And, you must be circumspect, that is, you want to do this without creating a crisis for you or your husband. Here's how I would proceed:

1. Tell hubby that if he wants people to take his point of view seriously, that he must get a psych eval as an inpatient. Call a hospital, and see about an inpatient suicide eval, preferably of 3 days' duration.
2. Call the Mennonite church in your area, anonymously. Tell them you're looking for assistance and advice with your situation. They may or may not be able/willing to help.
3. Ask the counselor/social worker at your husband's hospital where you might be able to get help, and follow up on their advice.
4. Call the VA, anonymously (use a fake name or only your first name), and ask what advice they have.

Don't be surprised if most of these people suggest that you need legal advice. Again, I don't know specifically whom to contact, but you and husband both may need legal advice.

What your husband has done is a very unfortunate thing. It is difficult to say what punishment, if any, he might get. Please understand that if he is AWOL for more than a month, he will be considered a deserter, and the penalties will become more severe, so he must act quickly. Somebody needs to tell him that although he is depressed and he feels like he made a mistake, that there will be consequence of some sort for his actions, and that as an adult, he will need to accept this.

Best wishes to both of you.

Answer 2

This is apparently disturbing, and unfortunately it is becoming more and more common with the people who are in the army, or whatever.

They have probably witnessed so much death, maybe killed a person or two themselves, and when they come home, they feel like have done some injustice.

Maybe let him go to jail, then he will get the proper treatment. He wouldn't be in jail of course, he would be put in some army hospital. He needs to get therapy, and the best therapy he can right now is from you.

Reassure him that WE (includes you) can rectify this problem. Maybe make an appointment for a nearby therapist, preferrably ones that deal with the effects of war. Tell him that you will listen anytime of the day. You probably already do, but he needs that reassurance. Then maybe he can get some kind of discharge.

There is hope. Good luck!

Answer 3

Nothing pisses me off more than people who think they can get away with stuff like this. She should leave him. He is doing nothing more than making matters worse. I have delt with suicidal friends before and believe me it is a very big subject to me. Comfort her the best possible. Compliment her and tell her that you love her. Believe me a little goes a long way in times when a person is threatening to take their own life. Don't try to get her husband to understand anything. She should just leave him. There is no reason for him to treat her like that and if he has done it once he will do it again. Identify with her. Share some of your pains. Tell her she doesnt have to deal with it alone and that you are with her 100% of the way. Just please do not let her get in a position where she could get really depressed. I hope I helped you out.

Answer 4

Tell him to go back! I just read today that in this war over 3000 people have deserted! 3000 people! Your husband isn't suicidal he's smart! However, he did a "not so intelligent" thing! Talk him into going back! He can use mental duress as an excuse. It doesn't mean he's psycho! Just pushed beyond his mental and emotional limit. He can't run forever! They just don't stop looking for him! With the way the Brits and the U.S. want to get into more pissing contests with as many countries as they can, it doesn't look like it will be over until we impeach our own little Napoleon. 1st things first. Get him back in. He can always start refusing to go back! If he's been in action already he can challenge it and flat refuse to go. He will get into trouble, maybe get a bad conduct discharge, but he won't be looking over his shoulder every day or running to some non-brit, non-U.S. country!

Answer 5

DONT LISTEN TO THESE PEOPLE!!! I have actually went through the process your husband will soon go through and can tell you all you need to know... I went AWOL from basic training, turned myself in after 50 (you only really need 30 days), and I recieved an other then honerable discharge from the Army. THE SAME WILL HAPPEN TO YOUR HUSBAND!!! HE IS NOT GOING TO GO TO JAIL!!! I promise you, it was explained to me during my process that the army doesnt want to waste its time court martialing soldiers who havent even completed training... your husband is gonna be alright, i promise you that, JUST HAVE FAITH IN GOD... if you want more information, call the objector hotline [phone] (they are a group COMPLETELY independent of the army, they are actually pacifists against the army...) They will explain the whole process to you and bring you comfort. WHen you call, just leave a message and they will call you back. God bless and just know everything will turn out ok (i am currently enrolled in college and my life is normal again...) and ur husband is not a coward, he sounds like a great man who came to the realization of his situation. he realized the army wanted to turn him into a ruthless killing machine, much like i did... everyone else who wants to hate me and this man for our decisions really needs to step back and examine wat life is really about... i kno for sure that life aint about killing people to "protect" governments and material wealth... war is never ending, pointless, and never solves a thing...

Answer 6

Advise someone in his unit to talk to the appropriate people as your husband is becoming suicidal. Give your support to him unconditionally, walk him through his thoughts if he is willing , get him to see a GP & tell the GP the problem & see what the result is from there.
Good Luck, because you are in for a long walk with this.

Answer 7

Get him to a doctor before they find him and he goes to jail. Make sure you go to the doctor with him so you know what is going on he will need your total support, good luck!!!

Answer 8

Try to give him confidence and lots of love because he needs it now. Try to tell him that you are behind him all the way. Tell him to take it easy and it will go smoothly. Ask him to pray (if he is Christian) and you pray for him. Take care.

Answer 9

tell him to go back and tell them he needs a doctor cuz he feels suicidal when in the armor
and u can go with him

Answer 10

get him to a doctor NOW!