i am in the US and My wife has gone back to India with the baby on pretext of her father's ill heath. But things chnaged after she left the US. She is nottalking to me and wants the rlationship to end. I love my wife and my baby, and I am missing them terribly. She and her parents say that I was not ableto take care of her "emotionally". But I am not a bad person, i always tried my best totake good care of my wife, we ued to go out, eating, shopping, vacations, everything. but I was a little bit possessive, insecure, overprotecting her, trying to be 100% perfect everywhere. And we had some problems due tothat because I wanted to do everything myself, even her doc's appnts when she was pregnant - I was always with her always. I love her a lot. She says she had given me a lot of chnaces and that the 9 months was the last chnace, and she says i failed. I don't know what to do, how to get her and my baby back ?? My in laws are also against me now and say that they will never send her back.
2007-04-03 11:46:16 · 28 answers · asked by Saurabh M 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hi,
My husband and myself live abroad as well. And similar things has been happening to us as well. I always tell him iam giving him a chance.... but i know thats not the truth.
The problem is girls get lonely......... they need friends and family.... no matter how long u live abroad..... the life style is different.
My husband is also very protective abt me and he wants to do everything for me. And above all we work together ........ means we are together 24 hrs a day. I also wanted to return.... but fact is i cannt leave him... coz i love him so much.
U have two options............ either u go back to India or Stay in US.
Your wife wants u back in India...... probably this will make both of u at ease.... The point is she can always turn for support ( her family makes her confident).
If u stay in US....... forget abt ur wife.... its never gonna happen, she is probably enough of her loneliness
The problem is we are all so carree minded.... we lose track of life and its real worth. I think ur JOB in US is not worth ur wife and kid.
I also see that many people blame it on u, which i feel is not correct. Coz me and my husband are living through this now and may be i can speak from the woman's point of view. Its very difficult for a woman to make u understand and accept......... YOU ARE NOT WRONG/ BAD, BUT IAM JUST BORED. You have only been trying to be a prefect husband..... stop trying and just be a husband. AND LET HER BE MORE THAN JUST WIFE....
My husband is soooo sweet that i feel is always trying to impress me. But NO.... its just him. I dont know if u do the same.
I dont know how much u earn or how hard u might have worked to get where u r right now.......but pls ask her if this is wat she wants...... u going back and starting allover in India. Iam sure she will give u this one chance...... coz thats wat i think she really needs.
And one more thing...... u have to give her and urself some space... some time out. Dont do everything together..... let her out with her friends or family and u be out with ur friends.
When things were getting out of controll for me and my husband... inspite of our love for eachother..... we decied this could help us. He now gets his time out and me mine. And this seperation brings us closer.... we have more to talk abt other than ourselves.
It might work for u as well.
2007-04-08 22:38:05 · answer #1 · answered by DU 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whatever you have said may be totally true but I am sure you have not revealed the actual reason for the mess. As a person who has counselled majority of Indian couples, I don't think she had gone back from US due to the reasons given by you and that too after giving birth to a baby. Since she is also from India, she would not have taken a decision just because you are possessive( had she been a US born Indian, I could have understood).The word "emotional" from her, according to me, has a different meaning and You know it.My feeling is that you acted more like an American and she was an Indian to the core, and the problem resulted out of it.
If you want to reconcile, I feel, you should come down and seek the help of some seniors in the family for a re-union and you also will have to prove her that you are "emotionally" fit to her. I repeat, the problem is definitely with you, you know what it is, does not want to rectify it mentally and is trying to find excuses and extract sympathy. Please bear with me if I am a little blunt, dear!
2007-04-04 01:44:39 · answer #2 · answered by THE WORRIER 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I'm no expert on arranged marriages or Indian customs/culture.
My feelings are, if she had any feelings for you, she would not have done this. She would have threatened. But this is extreme.
I feel she is using this as an excuse to get away from you. She does not love you and now she has a reason to run away.
Yes, I could tell you, write a letter to her and her family. Be honest about what you did wrong. But also what you did right.
Promise try harder to be a good man.
But... Here's my concern. Unless you were really abusing her, unless you were going out drinking with the guys and cheating on her and making her your slave, she would not have left you. Yes, the possesiveness would be a problem. The overbearing would be a problem, but problems are things we discuss, work on. Problems are things we solve together.
If she had any feelings for you, she would have wanted to help solve the problems.
I want you to write the letter. Explain your feelings, be honest and truthful about your mistakes. You must do this because there is a child involved and you should make every reasonable attempt to bring the family back together. Maybe you two can work things out. Maybe her family will see that you are not an evil man. Maybe she will see that there are good things about you.
I wish you luck man.
A~
2007-04-03 11:59:48 · answer #3 · answered by BigMac2xk 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry to hear this. You must try your best ,maybe return to India if you can if not get some therapy in usa and show her,,not trying to be cruel here , but she should be happy with what she had with you , as I have been few bad and abusive Marriages and wow most women would die for Husband that has done all things you have , even If you was to controlling(jealous )maybe due to some of your own insecurities of losing her and in turn for this you lost her , so maybe you should try get help with this and show her you are trying to change. If you really love her all you can do is try your best and leave the rest in Gods hands.
2007-04-03 12:26:26 · answer #4 · answered by rhonda_that_who_ib 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your problem is serious but i have only heared your part of the story, so its difficult for me to suggest. Anyway sinceyou have shown that you loved her to the extend that u wanted to protect her interest and take the best care of her. I suggest you must be having some common friends in india talk to them let them know about your feelings and make them conveyed to your wife and her in law. Try know their feelings if possible come to india and talk the whole matter along with yr parents n her i am sure someway will come and u will get united.
2007-04-09 01:31:53 · answer #5 · answered by world4akd 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is a huge difference in being possessive and being loving. I suspect she is right to feel overwhelmed by you. Honestly, she sounds like her mind is made up. I suggest you move on and in your next relationship give the lady some freedom. By the way if you do go with a divorce please remember that though you may divorce your wife you will always have an emotional, physical and financial responsibility to your baby. Stay in touch, send gifts and money your child deserves to know that their father loves them.
2007-04-03 18:44:28 · answer #6 · answered by QueenBean 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If u really love ur wife & the baby then go back to India. U have thousands of good job over there. U did make a mistake in over protecting her. I stand in the same place where she is,except that I'm not yet pregnant.
2007-04-03 12:04:46 · answer #7 · answered by Smile- conquers the world 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Arranged marriage is not the cause. Your arrangements with her after the marriage needs to be understood by others before advising you. Best person is a Counsellor.
If you wish to mend things take the next flight to India. Get those Elders involved in 'fixing' your Marriage to 'Arrange' this time for Counselling Sessions for both of you.
2007-04-03 12:39:40 · answer #8 · answered by cnsone 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems you are emotionaly possesive
Some wordy abuses on any suspicion grounds would have caused this problem
change yourself and get in touch with her parents regularly - do not emphasize on the reunion now - try hard to make them understand that you have realy changed your attitude - give sometime for them to think - avoid talking ill of anybody - in due course, there will be someone in her family who would talk in favour of you. Then gradualy your wife will be yours forever
And essentialy note that you should have a deep enquiry in yourself and change yourself rightly so that the beauty of living together is not lost.
2007-04-03 17:38:11 · answer #9 · answered by ganesh 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well there is only one thing to do you have to go get her yourself. Take sometime from work and get over to India win her heart not because it was arranged do it because you lover and you want her to fall in love with you.
Tell her that you have recognized your mistakes and hope to get another chance to change and really do it. Go to marriage counseling and try to let go of the possessive behavior.
Try again and be very happy in your marriage.
Best of luck
2007-04-03 11:56:34 · answer #10 · answered by *Pretty In Pink* 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋