why do I feel so little for myself?

Question

Other peoples happiness is more important than mine, my pyschatrist said i need to make a new template. but how do you do that when you have lived by the same template for 40 years, please help, sensible answers only

Answer 1

Well, Pringles, you can't just change yourself overnight, so don't give up when you get frustrated. Remember all the good you have done for others, and all the times you sacrificed what ever you had to for them. Well, as fate would have it, it's YOUR turn to have attention paid to you. Others need you, and you oblidge them without hesitation, but now YOU need you. You are well on your way because you know that the way things are is not healthy and it has to change, and you are being counseled by someone who specializes in this sort of thing. Be proud of your self, taking those steps and coming to those realizations are huge strides towards reaching your goals. Have courage. Please give your self credit for the strength you have and are exhibiting. Do you know that by your posting this question you are speaking for many people who are afraid to speak for themselves? You're asking the questions and helping them find the answers. Do you see that you're still helping other people and yourself at the same time? You can't think little of someone who does so many wonderful things! May I suggest a book called "You Can Heal Your Life" by Louise L. Hay. I think this will help you to realize that you are on the right path and that you have what it takes to see it through and realize how valuable you are. You are priceless. I think you're great and I don't even know you, and I'm never wrong. I hope this helps. Bless your heart and be strong!

Answer 2

Hi,
I am really sorry you feel this way but I can relate to that feeling...its bascially called having low self worth and low self esteem. I have depression, an eating disorder etc and yet i still don't feel that my issues are as significant as other peoples, I feel like i am just being pathetic. It's so hard to change your ways and it won't happen over night. Ask your psychatrist for some confidence buildig exercises. Start to do things for you, that you like doing and that make you feel good....because you are the center of your world! Take it one step at a time, one day at a time. Before you do something ask yourself, is this for ME is it what I WANT to do...will it make ME happier in MYself....and do this regualrlt and treat yourself with the respect you deserve.

Please talk to your pyschiatrist about these worries hopefully he/she will be able to offer some advice also.
Best of luck

xxx

Answer 3

ok, to be perfectly honest, I have a bit of the same problem, but it's not that hard to deal with once you think about it, as I have, after being used by some people. start thinking that sometimes you shold come first!!! do something nice for yourself, without feeling guilty (takes some work), get a haircut, or go shopping, without thinking of others and their needs! try it! it's an ongoing process, but still, it means you are a great person. you just need to eork on yourself a bit.

Answer 4

You just have to. You were brought up in a time when self sacrifice, respect and social responsibility were encouraged. We now live in an age where "greed is good" (thank you Maggie), every mans for himself and compassion is a weakness.

Don't torture yourself about it, just accept it. It is the natural progression of society.

If you've spent all your life putting other people first, well done to you, you deserve to feel proud of yourself. Don't let the fact that everybody just takes advantage of you get you down, they can't help it, it's what society encourages them to do.

What you should do now is treat yourself for all those years of helping other people and just for once, put yourself first. Go on, you just might get to like it.!!

Answer 5

well one thing you can make a list of your assets and liabilitys, keep the one's that are helping you to succeed, and the ones that are causing you pain you learn to do a new thing, like for instance there's nothing wrong with wanting others around u to be happy, but if their happiness causes you to act out in a negative way, you must say no and mean it now these people probably will not like you any more,, but who is more important see we have too accept people, for who they are as well as ourselves, and the sooner we face that issue as a human race the better we become, but so much for that any way as I was stateing you need to learn more about boundaries, and your belief system, because if you don't administrate these principles as well, you will get lost in other peoples feelings and emotions over your own but loose yourself in the process this is not hard it is simple, but what actuall occurs is it turns u like a child, when you were growing up and you were about to walk in the street or touch a hot stove your mom or dad said stop, and if you contiued they either spank your hand or took you by the arm and brought u to them, this is a illustration I am giveing for being turned when turning your self, so what were talking about is principles and applying them to your life, if you love yourself one doesn' t hurt themselves, if ones care for themselves they do basic things like wash up, brush your teeth, change your clothes, have finanaces feed yourself,as well as keeping a place to live etc... so now if you want to take care of your self, you have to add spiritual principles of disciplineing a urge to carefore others and not yourself so you may be as happy as they are and if they are not excited about that well they not for you they may have more issue than you so if you have a bible open it up and start at PROVERBS and then JHON and be gentle with your self

Answer 6

Making other people happy is important but it does not mean a whole hell of a lot if you are not happy. What makes you happy and do that and along the way im sure your happiness will make other people happy so you are succeeding in both categories

Answer 7

You could be Co-dependant, try this book you might find some answers/identification.

Codependant no more - how to stop controlling others and start caring for yourself by Melody Beattie, you can buy it from Amazon.

If you do get it, it would be great to know if it helped.

Good luck x

Answer 8

just learn to say no - don't be so accommodating of people. Maybe you are so as it makes you feel wanted and valued. Remember there is a fine line between being helpful and then being used by people - soft target. Just put yourself first, you will not lose anyone, they will respect you for it. Good luck.

Answer 9

its great that you are a kind person...thinking of others first...but dont put others happiness in front of your own lifes's expectations & happiness.

you need to decide what makes you 'tick'..and what you need to complete your life...only then can you have some answers. there are a lot of nice people out here...maybe you need to have more companionship & friends..that might help?..dont put yourself down...a caring person like you - is hard to find!

Answer 10

Sit alone and think about what makes you happy. One of those things might be making other people happy. If so, then go make people happy and partake in their happiness while increasing yours.