My BF wants more sex- how can i get him to understand ...?

Question

My BF and i have been together for 7 years now. We had our first child 17 months ago. Durning the pregnancy my libido was very low- it totally disappeared after the birth of our daughter. Granted we would still get busy- just not as often as he would like. Now i am pregnant again and my libido is slightly elevated. We probably have sex once every three days- and only in the morning (when i have the most energy), right before i go to work. (He stays home and takes care of our baby girl. I just make more money than he does at the moment and i dont trust day cares or family memebers to watch over my child.) How can i get him to understand 1.) I love him still 2.) he is still sexy to me, but 3.) I am tired at night, 4.) some morning i feel sick (morning sickness) and cant get in the mood, 5.) My bones hurt (i have RA, so sex can be painful sometimes, and 6.) at least we are having more sex than before. (not as much as when we didn't have children. 7.) my breast are used for feeding a baby.

Answer 1

I have a better question, why are you talking to us 'N' not him?

Answer 2

When a couple starts having children their time becomes divided. You need to sit down and truly explain this to him. In some manner show him by your actions how you feel. The sexual side of a relationship brings more than just the sex, it is a bond. With your RA send him on line to research it so he has a better understanding of the demands that places on your life as well. It will mean more to him if he reads all the symptoms of it. As for you being tired, a couple of things here that concerns me, 1. do you exercise any? This will build up energy and stamina. 2. The meds you are on check the side effects to see if they are contributing for this. 3. Are you eating enough and proper? In breastfeeding you take supplements from your body for your baby. So you need to make sure you are replenishing your body of what is being lost in breastfeeding. The last thing, set aside time that is strictly for you and your partner. Even if it is thirty minutes each night to just talk about life. This will keep the two of you on the same page. Good Luck!

Answer 3

If you really want to show him you love him and think those things you said of him, why dont you try showing it. Instead of talking to him as if he were a kid, demanding he do things for you while you give excuses why you cant do things for him. Not just sexual, little things, as in getting him a drink, letting him go fishing, or have some time to himself. He is with a baby all day and would like some alone time. Especially if when you get home he is still taking care of the baby, cooking something to eat, washing the clothes and everything else you are unable to do because of you RA. Ever think he is tired or stressed from all the daily activities he does, just doesnt complain about them? maybe he needs some relief at the end of a day. Maybe this is causing his blood pressure to rise. Seems like you are being neglectful of his needs when he has never neglected yours.

Answer 4

All of it is a work together thing, not just yours to keep and hold onto. This was a joint thing from conception, now it seems that he doesn't want to be a team player, even when it comes to sex, it is something that the two of you have to come together on as well as the other issues that come with a family. Either both grow up together or you will definitely grow apart. God Bless.

Answer 5

Try to explain to him your feelings in a way that isn't demeaning or making it sound as though he's pressuring you to much. Lack of communication is the crack in the foundation of way too many relationships. If talking isn't getting it across, maybe try writing it out for him. If he feels that you aren't showing him enough love, do things outside of the bedroom to spice it up (i.e. a spontaneous candlelit dinner, even if it's just to mac and cheese; it's not the meal that counts, it's spending time together). But he needs to realize that this a two way street. I hope this helps, and congratulations on your babies! :)

Answer 6

Either take care of your man or risk having him look elsewhere. Sorry but that is the truth. There are plenty of women in this forum who have the same complaint of their working husband, so it goes both ways. He is stuck at home with the kids while you are out having adult interaction. You should be glad that he wants to nail you often, not be unhappy about it. Funny how you can't see the other side of this argument.

Do you even realize what you wrote: "at least it's more than before"...wow if that isn't sad. No offense but sex once every three days isn't very often. You should be doing it at least 3 times that much, got to feel sorry for your husband.

He has needs and it's your job to take care of them, just as it's his job to take care of yours. It's not his fault that you have a lower sex drive, it's yours.

Answer 7

The only way to do it is to talk to him. There is not other alternative. He seems to be a supportive guy considering he is staying at home to take care of the baby girl. Maybe he is not aware of you being uncomfortable. Also, you can ask him to do it slowly to help your RA. But talk to him. There is no other way.

Answer 8

Just tell him all that. He should understand - remember that sex shouldn't be a huge part of a relationship, once every 3 days sounds fine anyway.

Answer 9

have you tried explaining it to him like that? bc that makes perfect sence. maybe if he is still wanting more the two of you could experiment more with oral sex, it would still provide him a release but with less negitive effects for you... good luck and congrats on the pregnancy!

Answer 10

You cant...its just all good and you should be happy his asking it from you and not looking somewhere else. Keep up with him otherwise he'll start looking elsewhere.

Answer 11

Just tell him, but give it up as much as possible, even if youarent in the mood.