Ex-wife drama?

Question

my husband has a child from a previous relationship and i have ste in and played mommy since she was about 2yrs old now that she is 7 the ex is all concern about the child she tells me to have my own child and it hurts b/c where trying and i feel like my husband doesnt back me enough he lets her run all over him i feel that he still has feelings for her but he says he dont b/c she messed around with his best friend and thats why their not together anymore but he doesnt want to see her hurt so he lets her run all over him b/c thats his childs mother i feel very torn what about my feelings and to me they both use the child against me but she loves me until yesterday she told me she dont want to live with me anymore b/c her grandma dont want her here with me do you think if i leave this suitation alone i could have my own child b/c im just stress i really feel that something is going own i just dont know what!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 1

I really feel for you, I do. For a few reasons. For one your husband says he don't want to see her hurt. Why is he so concerned about "her" feelings.He using a excuse to reason it up that she is his baby mom. And that feeling "you" have that he might have feelings for her, your probably right. Just because she messed around that don't mean the heart disappears, it's lost, it's confused, and it's hurt. The good thing is he moved on and married you but we know he not acting like it, is he? If "your" husband putting a other women first before he's own women something wrong, that's a red flag. And you already know what that is. You said it. He has feelings for her. A lot a people say when two people have a child/children together there always going to have some kind of connection, feelings between them. That's bull.You have one thing in common and that's the child/children.Any how I don't think your ready to move on. Do you want your marriage to work. For you to limited your stress, your worry, the best thing for you is to educate yourself on relationships. It will open your mind to different avenues. Dr. Laura C. Schlessinger has those books and there easy to read and right to the point. If you really need your husband by your side and not her into your relationship but business with only the child you need to take this step. Dr. Laura has a new book out for the man and women to read called the proper care of marriage and ten stupid things couples do to mess up their relationship. She also has a radio show on 640am 12noon-3pm Mon-Fri southern ca time.I hope you look into, before you leave your marriage. Try something new. And let God be the center of it all. Take Care.

Answer 2

What a horrible situation for a child to go through at her age. Why would you husband allow it to get so out of hand is beyond me. The ex is a grown woman and made a choice to sleep around on him, now his main concern out of that relationship should be his child not whether he hurts the ex. I don't know about you, but if it was my husband and he did this I am sure how long he would be mine husband. What type of people would tell a child this and allow her to think she is the cause of you probably not having a child of your own, this is probably what she is thinking. Honey, before I had a child with this man he would clean his act up.

Answer 3

You need to be very straight forward with your husband. There is a boundary that needs to be set between the ex and your hubby. He is no longer the care taker of her and needs to be nothing to her other than their daughter's father. The friendly conversations or anything else that has nothing to do with the daughter need to stop. If he can't do this one simple thing for you, he isn't worth keeping around. It is hard to let your ex's go completely especially if there is a child involved, but over time he needs to realize that YOU and HIS DAUGHTER are the 2 woman in his life he should care about the most... #1 and # 2 ... His ex wife should not be in his priority list AT ALL...

The kid is being played emotionally and there really isn't anything you can do to help, other than not let the things that may be said get you down. You got to be the bigger and better person and just let that stuff roll off of you or you going to get hurt over and over and over again.

Answer 4

These extended families are really hard to deal with. I'm in one and that's what I told my husband I said you must have feelings for her because she runs all over you and you never challenge anything she says or does but he told me he was simply trying to stop any confusion. As long as it doesn't cost us to loose any money and I don't have to deal with his ex I have no problem with it. He has assured me he has no feelings for her and I believe him because I am still the wife and she is the ex.....I think its in the ex-handbook that she must create havoc in the new wifes life or she will rot in hell. Her goal is to disrupt your household as much as she can and to do everything possible to make your life miserable because now she sees that he is happy with someone else. Now I understand that you want a child so focust on your marriage and let her have her child back and let the ex and the grandmother raise her.....if I were you I would have no further input if it didn't directly affect you. Continue to be nice to the child and treat her well and although they say mean things about you and try to turn her against you, your actions will speak louder than words and the child will see that what they are saying is just not true. Concentrate on your husband and making your own family- don't let her cause confusion in your home......let him handle it and back off.....it will work out fine. Good luck........p.s. fall on your knees and pray....prayer changes things....ask God for Guidance and to give you favor with those who try to attack you....good luck