Have Severed relationship with mother and her doctor called?

Question

She has to go to the hospital with a bladder infection. Nothing life threatening. I called my husband, my therapist, everyone I knew to try to decide what to do. The doctor wants me to take her to the hospital. Well, Mom called and left a message saying that the doctor shouldn't have called me, since she knows of our severed relationship - and she will get someone to take her to the hospital and take care of her pets (my old job). She ended the message by saying that she wanted us to have a good Easter and wanted to give us some money.
I don't want money.

Anyway, I feel like the devil's daughter - but the abuse I have endured at her hands for 51 years is too much to take. Should I feel as bad as I do?

Answer 1

Take no money and instead how about finding someone or some service you can hire to make sure she is well watched or taken care of? This will only escalate as she grows older and more in need of help. Are you an only child?

Answer 2

No you shouldn't feel bad, you know what she has done and she knows what she had done, as long as you haven't outwardly disrespected her, then let her be, let someone else take her to the hospital, check in on her, wish her a Happy Easter and send the money back. Where did her doctor get your number and in most cases a doctor can not just leave a message on an answering machine with regard to someones diagnosis, are you sure it was her doctor? I think she is playing some sort of game, go on with your life and if and when she truly needs you, you will know. God Bless.

Answer 3

Sounds as though your mother is trying to get back into your good graces.
She is the only mother you will ever have and she did abuse you but maybe it's time to begin to put your relationship back together.If you are 51 she has to be getting up there in age and though you don't have to pity her or take her money for that matter maybe you could be friends.
I'm sure that's why you're feeling as bad as you do.You have mixed emotions.Don't jump into anything head on just take your time and see where it goes.
Call her and wish her well and wish her happy Easter.I'm sure it will make you feel better. She must have a lot of regrets for the things she did and as we age we look at things differently.Hopefully she has changed so give her a chance. You can always go back to the way it's been if it doesn't work for the both of you and then you will know you tried.
Good luck and God bless.

Answer 4

Listen hon, I have the same problem with my mother but not the dr. calling stuff. 5 months ago I had a cancer scar and found out its fixable in 3-5 yrs with a hysterectomy. My mother flipped out because she said I was exageratting the bs with my bf at the time which I wasn't and had to call 911 to get him out, then I had to deal with the bank and him running up all my credit cards without my knowledge and so I ended the relationship with bf and then mother because she was freaking out at me about crazy stuff when I was terrified I had the big C. I have not spoken to her in 4 months then she called and she said I just figured out your letter and you had a c scare and I said yes it was lovely to deal with all alone!!!
I do not feel sorry for her and too damn bad when I am ready I will talk to her but no more bs, I do things if I want to not if she asks nicely or bsing me no. I own my own life and she comes 2nd. I had to or go crazy, so to answser your question you are not the devil's daughter you are looking after yourself first because if you are not well how on earth are you going to help someone else and you cant live a normal life when parents try to tell you how to live your life. What I did was allow her to write me letters only, then she has to think about what she is saying instead a yelling. That way if I feel like reading the letter and replying i do, and if no it sits on the coffee talbe until I am damn good and ready to answer it. Keep you chin up its hard but its called taking back your life, take care Heather you may email me if you wish, its normal to feel bad but its not normal to be controled by a parent when you are an adult with your own family and difficulties

Answer 5

If you don't want to go with her - don't don't let others give you that hogwash about .. its your mother you have to... Mothers and fathers as abusers cause so much more damage than anyone from a 'normal' family can imagine. Parents are given a duty of care when they bring you into this world and that duty is much bigger than anything the child owes. Your parents have a huge influence on your Psyche - I should know with all the therapy I have received. Only you can decide if you can deal with it and if not - fine. Don't. Guilt is a destructive emotion that does no good and maybe if parents felt as much guilt when they are damaging their children as they build into those same children about the duty we owe them then there wouldn't be these sort of issues form any of us to deal with. Look after yourself, you are the most precious. Do what is good for you not what society and the built in guilt it creates about families says you should.

Answer 6

There are no rules about how bad you should feel.

The doctor probably isn't trying to accomplish anything more than to get your mom conveniently to the hospital.

Your mom sounds like she's trying to do the right thing--but it may be too little too late.

I don't know if there's any point to trying to turn things around at this late date. But consider visiting her while she's in the hospital, wishing her a good Easter, politely declining any gifts of money, maybe bringing her a small gift, like a framed photograph she'd like.

Answer 7

A mothers guilt can cut like a hot knife through warm butter.

You should not feel bad, however you should make sure your mother gets to the doctor. Even if that means you taking her, just stop spending so much time with her. If you don't, you will feel guilty so you might as well do it.

Answer 8

properly it could be effective so which you would be able to take a large breather, you have lots going on on your life which you will desire to take a step lower back. Your in rules are behaving childishly and intensely impolite. i'm no longer able to work out what they needed you to do be a grieving widow your complete life. Is there financial matters in contact, normally human beings quite prepare their teeth whilst funds is in contact. in case you're being honest and have been honest on your husband then they have not any suited to be intense of any of your relationships. Your husband could be happy that there is somebody with you that could be useful you get by way of this overwhelming time of grief. i'm uncertain how large relationships are that are outfitted on rigidity yet a minimum of, at a time whilst your loved ones would desire to be there for you they are turning there backs to you. i might deliver them letters, it sort of feels powerful risky to make telephone calls and emails could be considered impolite, and enable them to comprehend how lots their habit has harm you and how very much stunned your previous due husband could be, and enable it bypass at that. they'd desire to particular regret and till then i might purely take time for your self and grieve. If a hazard make a journey and get refreshed then come back and artwork by way of this, i'm happy you have somebody that could be useful you %. up the products.

Answer 9

I am getting the feeling that your mom may have used the bladder infection as a means of making you feel guilty in a passive aggressive way.

Answer 10

You should call your mother and let her know and you should take her to the Hospital. You never know how long she will be around, There is a saying "You never know what you have until you have lost it" and it is SOOOO true!!! You don't have to be all lovey dovey with her but try to be there for her when she needs you. If you don't you will regret it later. Besides you have to let go of these feelings in order to forgive her.