I found out my fiance has an adult website...what should I do?

Question

I am a widow with three children, am very much in love with this man...we are planning on getting married. We just closed on our new house, and I found out he has a site - activated last month before we bid on the house. I am beside myself. He doesn't know that I know. I think he did it when he was angry with me...and he hasn't answered his mail at all...maybe he just "used" the site...should I wait and see if there is any more activity? I've thought of adding a photo of my hand with my engagement ring on it...

Answer 1

Don't go crazy! Men sometimes just do crazy things to kill time. Just observe the situation. If the mail hasn't been open, if no activity has been done on the site, it's probably nothing. Just relax, and confront him about it.

Answer 2

I would confront him with what you found maybe it was just a rage thing and has since found out there is nothing better than home cookin. If you have bought a house together it sound like he is pretty committed to you and your kids. Ask him why or what he likes about the site look at it with him maybe add little extra spice for your relationship. I wouldn't throw everything away without knowing why. How long has he been single before he met you might be an old habit.

Answer 3

This is a tough one. Even if he was mad at you he still had no right to do this. Will this be the way it always will be through the marriage? If I'm angry then I will look for someone else. Believe I am not trying to be mean, I went through something like this and should have been a red flag, but ignored it and now he is my ex. He was always putting profiles on web sites and when he got caught his lame excuse was I did it to see how long it took you to find out, yeah right. You could join by another name to see what he does, but be ready for the answer when you do. You may not like what he does. Sorry, this has happened.

Answer 4

First of all I'd put all wedding plans aside immediately. Secondly, you need to stop playing potential games with photos and sit down and have a very frank talk with this man. You need to tell him you know about it and that you are concerned. And he had better have one darn good reason! But before you speak to him you had better consult a lawyer (most initial consultations are free). I do not know your financial situation but if you have any mutual assets you had better know your rights BEFORE you tell him, in case he decides to freeze or hide accounts.

You are an adult and you have three children that are dependent upon you for their protection and welfare. They are your responsibility. You closed on a house BEFORE you got married? Isn't that like putting the cart before the horse? Is your name on the title of the house? You'd better get to a lawyer and find out your rights and what you need to do to get clear of this mess.

And for the sake of the children, if not yours, do not jump the gun and decide to marry again right away! I don't know how long you have known this person but I'd advise getting to know someone for at least a year and having some serious talks first about life issues. Nowadays women are even going so far as to check up on persons via the internet or a detective agency. For the safety of your children and yourself it is imperative.

Answer 5

Don't add a photo of your hand. Don't do anything right now. I've learned this the hard way. All you can do for now is wait and see what he does next. Don't tell him you know but periodically check to see if there has been any activity on his part. But keep in mind, just because he did it while he was mad at you is not an excuse. I mean you are going to have fights - what's he going to do the next time you have a fight. Just keep your eyes open and your mouth shut. If there is one bit of activity, then approach him with it. Good luck.

Answer 6

It could be serious and it could be nothing...

as a previous responder suggested, i would set up a fake account and contact him. If you have a friend that could loan you a pic or if you (uh, copy one from somewhere) that would be better. If he responds to the ad, i would continue the convo as the "other lady" and see if he admits to being engaged and question what his plans are with his fiance (you).

After that, you will have enough ammo to confront him and make your decision on the future of your relationship.

Answer 7

This is a HUGE red flag! Since you have children you might be putting them at risk. Love will not last long if this is how he handles the difficulties in his life/your relationship. I'd put the house on the market for sale immediately and think long and hard about this. You do NOT know this man well enough yet!

Answer 8

I would put up a picture of yourself all spread and etc. and see if he thinks thats cool? Say well then you know I dont appreciate it with you looking everywhere and maybe we should put a hold on our plans, you decide Cuz if you dont work out my picture has sure given me more prospects! It may not be a good idea but man I would do that.

Answer 9

You might wait to see if there's any activity on this site. If there is, and you're sure it's your fiance's site, you need to ask him about this, before you get married. Hopefully, he has a good reason for this.

Answer 10

Now how did you find out he has an adult website???? You can't blame him for something that you do too. Men are crazy creatures. Maybe he wanted to earn some money quick to provide for you and your children -- maybe he wanted a little adventure. But if he hasn't answered any messages, why worry.

Answer 11

YOU BETTER SIT DOWN AND COMMUNICATE WITH HIM NOW! Do not sit back and let that eat away at you! Do you usually check up on him? Do you trust him 100%, if you don't then DO NOT GET MARRIED AND PUT YOUR CHILDREN THROUGH ALL OF THE MISERABLE HEARTACHE!!! Do what you said about the ring on your finger and don't ever bring it up again. If he gets on there and see's that, you will know he was on there deep down even if he doesn't say a word about it.