Children of divorce (or parents who were never married), what do you wish your parents had done differently?

Question

Was it a high conflict situation or did they get along alright? Can you tell us a little about how they handled meeting your needs although apart?
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20070403094035AAlvaCH

Answer 1

fighting is normal for any relationship but never for a child who always ends up blaming themselves for it somehow. get a babysitter, drop the kids off at a friend or relative's home overnight, send them to their friends place to sleepover, etc. anything to get them as far away from you as possible when you know your about to start fighting. even if you have to get in your car and drive to a park in the middle of the night to throw down and yell at each other until the cops come. you can argue, but NEVER FIGHT ANYWHERE NEAR YOUR KIDS. dr phil always says it just changes a part of the child's being forever and you can never get that back...so true.

never use drugs or alcohol around your kids because if they grow up to do the same its almost always way worse than your addiction and double the size of your habit(s). plus, they will always have the excuse of you being an addict yourself, even if it kills them. if they cant learn from you as their role model then who else will teach them right from wrong, especially if it goes againt their own parents way of life.

make the divorce as quick, simple, and amicable as possible when dealing with the kids and leave all the other drama for the attorneys and court. stick with your decisions and dont tell your kids anything that hasnt already been decided on because they dont need a bunch of back and forth on top of all the other major changes divorce can bring into their lives. always keep as much stability and consistency in their daily lives as possible no matter what.

never speak negatively about the other parent to your kids or tell lies and fake stories about them. it may change how they view them in a way that could backfire on both of you, especially if they find out the truth and it breaks their trust and ruins their respect for you which can change your relationship with them for a long time if not forever. remeber, there is no law against an adult completely cutting themselves off from their parents, even though a parent cant neglect their child as a minor. so if the child decides at age 18 to make that choice because of your lousy parenting then you might as well be strangers. and dont forget, you will be old one day and who else is going to take care of you when your in need if your own children wont...?

once you are divorced then please move on asap. my mother finally let go and is now remarried to a guy thats perfect for her. its the one right thing she's done for herself and for me knowing that she's ok and someone is their to take care of both of us without all the drama and craziness of her past relationships.

Answer 2

I wished that they would have told me, instead of my having to ask if they were getting divorced. It may not have made it a whole lot easier, but it was hard to ask the question, even when I was sure of the answer. Divorce is incredibly hard on children of ALL ages, tremendous impact on your outlook on life and marriage.

Answer 3

Well, my parents divorce was messy and it really didn't need to be. My dad honestly wouldn't have anything to do with my mother, but he cheated on her so he was loaded with guilt; you know? Our meeds were not met after he left; financially, emotionally, anything. I was 15 at the time; my older sister was like 18 and my oldest was out on her own already. But we lived off air, and I still don't know how we did it. But we did =)

Answer 4

My mom and dad broke up before i was born. I never really got to know my dad much. Im 13 now. My dad died two years ago. I dont know much about him but i know that i have two OLDER step brothers so that might be why they broke up? But my mom had a miscarrage a year before me with my dad. And my step brothers are more then a year older than me.

I dont really how how i wish had gone differently. Its just i never knew my real dad. Ive met him before. i remember in 3rd grade my mom brought me to meet him and he bought me stuff at the sanrio store. I also rememeber that day they were holding hands o_o

and they were never married

Answer 5

I wish that I wouldn't have to worry that my mom might attack my step mom at my grandmother's funeral. In other words, I'm glad their divorced, but I wish they could get along, at least well enough that I wouldn't have to feel uncomfortable being at an event with both of them there.

Answer 6

I wish they didn't drag me into there arguments as an 8 year old girl.
Also I wish they had given me the option to live with my dad as I would have chosen to do that.

Answer 7

Stopped begin SELF CENTERED AND SELFISH , people who only FU*K up the kids lives!
My mother mostly , bit*h found another man and destroyed our family out right , and my self conference all together!
I though for years that it was okey to have sex, even if married!
It's NOT!
IT MADE ME A CHEATER, someone to revile and hate!
I hated myself for years even after getting married again for 2nd time! He and I had both open , and swinging lifestyle and I still felt bad, so when he left me I was okey with it!
The worst was the innocent person who got hurt my now third husband who ex. girlfriend who he had a committed relation ship had many 3 sums together with me and 2nd ex. and finely left me for her!

He, did nothing and got hurt how would you feel about that one, passing that on to you kids security!
I suggest growing up and getting real with yourself and marriage NOW be fore your kids turn out as bad or even wort then I did!
GROW UP NOW AND BE A PARENT CHILDREN CAN BE PROUD OF!

Answer 8

I didn't meet my father until I was 28. Now I wish I had never met him

Answer 9

my parents divorced due to lack of money. i wish they had never met, that would have been better. no, i wouldn't be here but w/ what i went thru in my childhood that would have been better.

Answer 10

They stuck together longer and tried to get to know each other. I know them both really well and I believe the divorce was a mistake.