I'm going to get married in 3 mths to a guy I've been in love with for 2 years. I'm Asian and we had a big e'ment in our country and after we came back to the US, things got bad- once he twisted my arm in a public parking lot at night and two weeks after that, he hit me on the shoulder twice, his hand bouncing off and hitting my jaw. I got angry and confronted him and he pushed me back violently.The first time he touched me violently was a year ago. I almost broke up with him then. All was fine until after the engagement when this happened. Again I threatened him and he's being wonderful, but I'm not convinced it won't happen again. He's only 25 (I'm 27) and I wonder if its immaturity.He's an amazing guy otherwise, very warm and loving, sensitive, caring. He loves me a lot. We've had fights over his need to control though. I'm independant and he can be controlling. It drives me nuts and now I'm really worried. I love him very much but don't know if I should marry him. Please help!!
2007-04-03 07:46:54 · 28 answers · asked by star 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
no, you should not marry him. My husband and I lived together for 3 years. Occasionally he went off the wall and hit the walls. Never came close to hitting me.
After we got married he used to hit holes in the walls. Tear apart coffee tables and other furniture. One night he started punching me in the ribs. I couldn't believe it.
I told everyone that I knew. I was not going to be beat on by a man. A few months later, I accused him of cheating on me. He came over and twisted my finger until he broke it.
He agreed to go to counseling not that it did anything. He thinks deep down that he can hurt me whenever he wants. I have gone to the Dr. the psychologist, his mother, my parents, and every friend that I can think of.
I'm ashamed for letting him do to me what he has. Why he thinks that he can physically harm me I don't know. I know if it ever happens again, it's been documented everywhere. I may die in his hands, but he'll be put away forever and he knows this.
I'm really ashamed that I put up with a man that can be this way, but he knows he's not a big man for doing it.
Sometimes I feel really stupid for staying. But, I know if anything does happen to me, he'll never get away with it.
I would've never dreamed that I would've married a man that was so cruel to start with, but he's one of these guys, if you knew him, you'd never belive that he could do wrong.
Guys can really fool you if they want. Everyone in the world loves this man and thinks he's the most wonderful person in this world. They don't know the real man and the temper that he only shows to his wife.
2007-04-03 19:55:12 · answer #1 · answered by Karen H 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not.....I repeat....DO NOT marry this man! If this man has issues around control, I guarantee that it will only get worse after you're married. This has nothing to do with age or immaturity. This man is a bully and an abuser....plain and simple. I can appreciate that you love him, but it's hard to think logically when you're involved in the relationship. Trust the people around you who can be objective and give you the guidance and advice you need. What would your advice be if your sister or another woman close to you was in this situation? Think about it. Good Luck!
2007-04-03 08:01:08 · answer #2 · answered by GreekGal 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I will be honest first off all i read was the title of what you wrote cause the rest is irrelevent if he hit you be glad you didnt have to waste money on a wedding and a divorce get out while you can before there are children involved watching there mother being assault or children being assaulted themselves. and you sound like you are at the breaking point of wanting to get even and that when someone could get really hurt...please leave...You dont want to live the rest of you life like that.
2007-04-03 08:32:43 · answer #3 · answered by michelle H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO don't marry this guy the abuse will only get worse and so won't his control issues, if he hits you then you don't want to have children with him because then they will have to see their daddy beat up on their mom and that is not a good environment at all for children to grow up in plus you don't know if you will be abusive towards them also. I have known a few people that was in psychically abusive situations and they only got worse, for your own personally safety you shouldn't stay with him at all don't even date him.
2007-04-03 08:03:53 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A Big NO NO if he`s violent before then it will only get worse,if you send him on a course to deal with his temper well, if he finishes the course that would be a start but gut feeling tells me this one is not going to happen the way you want it to.so be brave & ditch him before you come to more serious harm. There are support agencies in your area but quite frankly you would be better off getting away as soon as you can or are we going to read in the paper about another woman beaten to death & her husband pleading Diminished responsibility?Good Luck.
2007-04-03 08:20:17 · answer #5 · answered by edison 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my grandma got married to an abusive man, sorry to say i don't think it will ever stop...
he took care of her an treated her well but when he drank he beat the mess outta her and threw her down stairs, and cut her with a knife, blacked her eyes, pushed her into a chair when she was pregnant so my mom lost the only sister she could have had, tied her up in a dark room and left her, i could go on forever...
now your situation might not be a drastic as this, but think if it might turn into this???
do u want that to happen???
and for your children to have to experience the pain of having their mother hurt like this??
2007-04-03 08:14:50 · answer #6 · answered by Aaliyah Morales 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marry him? A guy who hits you? What are you thinking? Would you want your daughter (if you had one) to marry someone who hit her? If everything was better before the engagement, then he might just be under stress, but it is something he needs to work this issue out ASAP and let him know that too
2007-04-03 07:58:47 · answer #7 · answered by Rosie 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, you should not marry an abuser; it will only get worse after the marriage. It is not acceptable under ANY circumstances to hit your mate - if he has crossed the line already, he will continue to do so, and it will escalate. Please don't make this mistake! You can do much better.
2007-04-03 07:57:29 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Warm, loving, and caring guys dont put there hands on a woman in anger.....and as far as loving you of corse he does because hes in control and he knows no matter what he does your going to hang around....sorry to say its going to get worse, bail while your still able!!! good luck
2007-04-03 08:03:43 · answer #9 · answered by BH11 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are marrying him for money, then go ahead and then divorce him.
If you are marrying him to become his personal punching bag, then YOU should seek professional help from a mental specialist.
2007-04-03 08:10:19 · answer #10 · answered by DaMan 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋