I am perplexed. We have been together twelve years and just had a son 7 months ago. He just re-did our house and he is finatical about it. I feel like I can't live normally. If I open up the new cabinets wrong it ruins the wood. He doesn't want to hang anything on the new walls. I used a container last night and apparently I used the wrong one and now the refrigerator smells, according to him. He says I do not care about all the work he did and that is just not true. It is like he went nuts on me, he is not the same person at all. He nit picks on me terribly and I can't take it anymore. He fights with me everyday! I can't figure out if he hates me now or is jealous of me with the baby or is he just not happy..
Any suggestions or comments?
2007-04-03 07:31:51 · 28 answers · asked by qpook 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
taco said it all,
I don't see why the new baby has anything to do with this, that's just your guilt, because you are willing to blame yourself for his bad behavior.
You must feel like your house is made of glass, and you need to go hide somewhere where you won't break something? but trust me, touching the wood is not gonna make the house fall down, he is really not being nice at all. You live there too, and he seems to think that everything you touch is gonna get ruined, you are not 3 years old? don't let him treat you like your three?
2007-04-03 08:10:06 · answer #1 · answered by . 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Some men are threatened by a baby and your job is not an easy at this time. You are going to have to convince your husband that he is just as important to you as the baby. You are probably so excited about the baby and want to do everything you can to protect him and love him but you have to remember to spread the love around. Its just like if you have other children already, just because you have a new baby don't mean you don't still love the others. You two need to just spend quality time together, if you can't do an entire weekend then do an overnite treat. He loves you he just feels like he has competition now, give romance another chance and let him know he is still just as important as he was before and encourage him to be more involved with the baby. Maybe instead of you always running when the baby cries you let him go and then the 3 of you can inter-act together. Good luck :)
2007-04-03 14:41:51 · answer #2 · answered by Pegi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree, it's not unusual for a husband to feel neglected after a baby - they usually are neglected because that's how is needs to be.
But you can try to do something that will make him feel good about your relationship again. Something small if you like. Start rubbing his feet at the end of the day. Make a special dessert he likes. Meet him for lunch some time at work. send him sexy emails. Whatever.
But you also need to tell him that his attitude is really hurting you. You want to be close to him and the way he is acting will have the opposite effect. He may not realize what hes doing or why he's doing it. I'm sure part of it is that he feels a lot of pressure about having a baby too. He wants to contribute and feel like he's taking care of the family somehow. With a baby that young, it's hard for fathers sometimes to feel important. Ask him to watch the baby while you go shopping for a gift for him. Bonding with his child might help some too. But more than anything, try to make him understand how much you value his contribution while making it clear that his picking on you isn't helping you feel close to him.
2007-04-03 14:39:58 · answer #3 · answered by Cassandra G 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he has a lot of fear right now as he is now responsible for a child from here on out. I think he is transferring that to the "new" house as it sounds like he's afraid it will get damaged if not treated properly and he is feeling pressure to be a perfect dad or the kid will be damaged. I doubt that he is aware of what he is doing.
I would let him spend more one-on-one time with the baby so he becomes comfortable with taking care of the baby and interacting with the baby. I think I would also think about setting up a date night now that the baby is 7 months old and give your husband some one-on-one time.
No, I really don't think your husband hates you - I think he is scared silly.
2007-04-03 14:46:31 · answer #4 · answered by Stefka 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I tend to micro manage my husband and house and work space and friends... Its a terrible habit of mine, but I have come to understand that it is born out of my insecurities in life. I feel so out of control that if I can manage "how the tupperware is stacked or the pencils are sitting in the cup..." I can fool myself into thinking everything is ok.
That being said, I wonder if he is feeling out of control or insecure about work or paying the loan on the remodel? Maybe he needs some more "love"? ---not that I am trying to make this "your fault," but could you been preoccupied with the new baby and not be giving him as much attention? Maybe the new baby is really making him feel vulnerable and scared as a provider?
Just some honest thoughts.
2007-04-03 14:39:07 · answer #5 · answered by NONAME 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you possess the baby. I mean to you let him spend time with the kid? A new father should not have enough time to fuss over all these other things. How about cutting the cord and letting the Dad take a turn at the wheel. that might help.
An no, I don't think he hates you. Stop being paranoid.
2007-04-03 14:36:24 · answer #6 · answered by stn1225 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wild guess? He feels ignored and neglected by you.
He tried fanatically to improve the house hoping it would make you appreciate him and praise him. He did it for you. Maybe you didn't want it, but in his mind, he'd get the attention from you he wanted for doing it.
Try to find 20-30 minutes a day to spend being together. And spend half of it having sex.
2007-04-03 14:56:44 · answer #7 · answered by kheserthorpe 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit down with him and let him know how he is making you feel and ask him if he is feeling like you don't give him enough attention since the baby has been born. The best thing to do is just let him know how you feel and give him a chance to tell you how he is feeling.
2007-04-03 14:41:46 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh please the man is suppose to be a grown up, he knew what having a baby meant. He doesn't sound happy, when someones not happy they nit pick at others. I tell him if he wasn't happy to move out you and the baby don't need this. Fighting isn't good for a child to grow up with and everyday to boot. If he says he doesn't want to leave then tell him you aren't going to put up with him acting like a child, nit picking, creating drama, and starting fights over silly things.
2007-04-03 14:38:31 · answer #9 · answered by letthepartybeginnow 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Men are such baby's. He is feeling left out....12 years without any children...wow...he is going through some real changes.
Just praise him and baby him through this honey...he sounds like he is well worth the effort. Consider yourself blessed.
As far as the house...tell him thank you for making it a HOME.
2007-04-03 14:43:16 · answer #10 · answered by Bobbie4u 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋