my wife of 24 years left me 7 months ago and is now living with another man?

Question

I have tried everything I can to get her to come back, but she disregards me like I'm dirt on her shoes. I know she won't come back now. I have no friends at all (due to a life in the military where I moved often and had no chance to form real friendships) and I don't know what to do. I contacted my wife via letter to ask her just to come and talk to me as I have no-one else and it's killing me, but she said she can't help me.

We were together since we were 17 and everything I see and hear in the world has memories of us.

I am close to suicide every day and I am terrified that I will just give up one day soon. Is there anything I can do?

Answer 1

Get up off your *** and get out there soldier.

There is no reason to quit on life. You have probably survived much more horrible situations in the field. So drop that witch and get yourself a new gal who will love ya for the man you have become.

She ain't no good! Find a nice 25 year old and rub it in your ex's face. Show her you still have it.

Answer 2

Do not let her win. Suicide is not the answer. I have walked in your shoes, had the same thoughts . After 37 years of marriage my ex walked out for my sister. The pain the loneness is terrible. I too had been with my ex since I was 18 years old. It is the only life you know. But , I know people tell you to move on it is easier said than done. But you can , get some counciling it really does help. It gives you confidence that has been destroyed. Get a good lawyer, don't let her get away with everything. Your kids may not like it but you are fighting for what you worked for all your life. You really are fighting for your life. Leave her alone!!!!!! She has moved on. Probably years ago, while you where working your heart out.
Take each day, look for any good you can find. Get with other people, go to church, call family or friends when you are down. Clean your house, paint, do yard work , just keep busy so you are so tired you will sleep. I know I did not sleep for almost 1 year. It has been 4 years since he left and 2 years since the divorce was final. I still take one day at a time, but it is getting better. Good luck and God bless. My heart goes out to you. The Pain is just terrible, but it will get better.

Answer 3

Goodness gracious. A failed relationship is no reason to die for ( even if it was 24 years long). You must move on and although not forget the times you had together, put them to the back of your mind and start over. You are still a young person in his early 40's with half your life still ahead. Look at it like a book and turn the page on the first half whilst relishing all the second half will have to offer. Although it feels like you are at rock bottom at the moment, things will eventually change and the hurt will get less. You must join social clubs or dating clubs or even on-line chat rooms, anything you can think of to get you to meet people. Remember, there are some really really lovely people out there, far better than your wife. You just have to put yourself out a little to find them. Good luck and stop the silly thoughts of suicide - eventually when you are happy again, you will cringe at the knowledge that you aired your misery on Yahoo answers. Smile and the world smiles with you.

Answer 4

Yes. You can stop hoping for something that's not going to happen, and move on with your life. Easier said that done, I know this from experience, but NO ONE is worth ending your life over. Don't you know you deserve someone that is going to be with you because they WANT to be with you? I know memories are there, but trust me. Everything in life happens for a reason to teach us some grand lesson. The longer you stay "stuck" in this lesson, the harder it will be on you. GO OUT AND FIND SOME FRIENDS! You need to surround yourself with supportive, loving people. There is absolutely no reason why you can't find good friends now. Busy yourself. Do the things you really would have liked to do, but never did. Don't give yourself time to wallow. Find a new hobby...which in turn will probably open up a window to friends as well. Church is a good place to find good, caring friends too if you're not atheist. You are co-dependent on this woman, and that's not good. Think about this. If you'd lost your spouse due to death, what would you have done? You'd go on, right? Somehow you'd go on. This is no different. You have to value yourself. You have to love yourself, before the other things fall into place. People are attracted to positive people. The universe will open up to you if you let it. Hang in there....my PawPaw used to say, "Always remember when you're in the eye of a storm, that there's ALWAYS a calm at the end." You will get through this. Many of us have. It will be hard, and it will hurt, but on the other side of the storm, is a calm. You'll be okay. Never give up.

Answer 5

If my calculations are right then you guys are in your early 40's. She could be having a mid-life crisis. No matter what the reason, right now you are just going to have to accept her decision and leave her be. The more you bug her the more she will resist. If she stops hearing from you then she is more likely to get in touch with you to talk. It may take some times (several months) but I would suggest that you just leave her be. I know it's hard but what you are doing now is not working and no matter how many times you beg her it is not going to work. So, get off that mountain, okay?

You are out of the military now, I take it. I would suggest that you contact your local United Way and get a list of non-profit organizations for your area and do some volunteer work. It will help you think about others instead of yourself and it will also help you start making those connections with people to form some friendships. Bingo is kinda fun, too.

I know big changes can be hard. Your military back ground has taught you how to be flexible and how to adapt. It has also given you a lot of wisdom about dealing with difficult situations. Use these tools for your advantage.

I grew up a military brat and moved a lot. I also had a husband walk out on me with nothing more than a note that said he just didn't want to be married anymore. At first, I called and begged and begged. I finally quit because I was tired of feeling like crap and realized that if I quit asking I would quit being rejected. After 6 months of no contact, he knocked on my door and said he made a big mistake. I kept busy with activities and lived my life during that 6 months and yes, it wasn't always easy. But, I was able to adapt thanks to all the adaptation I went through growing up. You can, too.

You will be fine. You really will. Leave the situation be for now. It will work itself out one way or another without you trying to force a solution right now. Go out and volunteer - helping others is the best medicine to get your mind off yourself and your problems.

Reach out - move - the pity party needs to end.

Answer 6

You are still so young! You're wife sounds like she has moved on and will be of no more comfort for you. In a way you are lucky that she has completely shut the door on you. Since she is not leaving you with any false hopes to keep you pining for her. While you may not be ready to move on with someone new yet, you are ready to start your life over again. You should start by finding a nice local church that you can go to faithfully. You will meet new friends that you can trust to talk to. There are also lots of wholesome church event during the week that you would be able to join. A nice church girl would probably be a good influence on you as well, not necessarily for a relationship but so that you can see the values that are good in a descent woman. I hope you luck for the future.
Also, when thinking dark thoughts, don't forget to think about the person who would find you and the person who would have to notify your family.

Answer 7

Yes. I hear what you are saying about nobody to turn. Unfortunately you will no longer have a 24 year relationship to fall back on during hard times. You probably feel like a part of you is missing. Never easy to go from a partnership to hitting the world solo. However, that is your reality. Change your mind and the world changes. Looking backward provides a platform to dwell. Looking forward allows you to grow into your new existence. You have convinced yourself you have nothing to look forward to. I assure you so much is out there if you just take a step. Move on. Let yourself be. You will find your way.

Answer 8

Okay I know you are in a rough spot, but ask yourself why you would want someone that clearly does not value you as a person- my fiance was married for 20 yrs. and came home to an empty house and a dear john letter- now he's so happy that she left so he could have a better life and now he has me- keep your chin up- take this time to decide what you want- this is your chance to start a whole new life to go and be whatever and wherever you want- find a passion or discover a dream- and before you know it someone much better than your ex will come along-

Answer 9

Sounds like while you were advancing your career in the military, she was sitting at home being bored and lonely. Now she's not lonely anymore and you are. Every time You call her and beg her for attention you are only making her feel vindicated. It's a sad situation for everyone.

Now you need to move on and start making a real life for yourself. Your wife already did that and she's not about to go back to what obviously made her unhappy. Not to say that cheating on you was right, it was WRONG of her to do that but you see that soemtimes it isn't love or lack of love that makes people leave a marraige. Now you're all alone and I bet she's feeling like she got her revenge on you. Stop letting her have that power. I know it hurts a lot but you need to move on. Get therapy, hon, it will greatly help you. And therapy will help prepare you better for the next woman who might just be better suited for you.

Answer 10

I felt the same way as you when I found my wife running around with another guy...and we were only married for a year and a half. I even gave her several chances to change and stuck around for a while. I finally got my spine back and left her a few months ago. I understand that you are in a very difficult situation. You just have to keep your head up knowing that each day it will get a little better. It may not seem like it at first, but it will. Never give up!!