My mother in law who was renting moved in with us when we bought our home. During the first few months she made up with her married boyfriend (who went back home to his wife) and whated him to move in with us as well. My husband didnt allow this and now she doesnt talk to us. She does nothing around the house (but she does cook for herself). I hate this woman. I cant decorate my house as I wish because she moves everything and puts up all her old outdated stuff. Give me some ideas on how I can get her to move out since my husband wont put her out.
2007-04-03 07:13:03 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
She is still working in a pretty good paying job. She can move out or even pay us rent. It was agreed that she will pay $1000 a month but she did that once before all that happened with her boyfriend and never again. I dont know why she and her boyfriend dont move to an apartment somewhere if they love each other so much.
Thanks for all your suggestions. I will keep on praying and home an answer that will benefit all three of us comes to me.
2007-04-03 10:33:12 · update #1
He is an only child.
2007-04-03 10:35:27 · update #2
Well, at least your husband said something about the boyfriend, so he can stand up to her.
Put things in order in your house. Let your husband figure it out. He needs to take care of you and decide on what to do. You need to keep giving him all the input every single day, without complaining or nagging or giving orders. This makes sure he feels the pain as much as you do, and doesn't just escape it all or leave it as your problem.
Acknowledge that this is hard for him, and you are both in this together, so don't add to it by making an emotional pain of yourself as well. Be the good guy, but don't put up with him trying to weasel out of making a choice. Don't give him an ultimatum, but make it clear that your lifestlye and well-being, and thus, his, is going to be really affected by this. Proceed with every day trying to make the best of it, set limits, come up with tolerable rules, make firm boundaries for her behavior, and get your husband to back you up. If she can't live the life she wants, she may look for a new place anyway. In the meantime, you need to find some peace and ways to live day to day in harmony within yourself and not be driven crazy by her (she wins when she gets to you, you know). Can you work out an area for her to decorate and an area for you? Can you tolerate some things if you can win on others?
This is a blessing in disguise, for the process of learning how to deal with this woman will make your marriage strong if you embrace the chance.
2007-04-03 07:50:04 · answer #1 · answered by mom of 5 in CA 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is she there because of finances? If she can't afford to move out then you are in a bad situation.
Can you show her a way to find a place of her own? Then she can have her boyfriend over and do what ever she wants. Something is missing in your description of the situation. How old is she? Can she not support herself or has any medical conditions? Is your husband's father still alive? What motivates her to stay at your place? If you invite people over (friends, kids) then maybe she would get annoyed with that. I certainly would not make her life any easier than you are already.
2007-04-03 07:22:57 · answer #2 · answered by Mr Mugwump 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to sit down with your husband and get some things straight.
First, your part: You need to understand that this is his mom, he owes her some deference and respect and consideration, and this isn't just the Houseguest That Will Not Leave.
Second, his part: He needs to understand that you married HIM and not his mom. You aren't free to have a home because she is taking away your prerogatives (decorating as you see fit, etc).
Mutual part: An official "this is the end" date needs to be established and agreed upon. Have two cheap "datebook" calendars handy. Circle that date and both of you initial it in one of the calendars.
Then, you both sit down with Mom: "We were wondering when you had plans to get your own place." BOTH OF YOU MUST TAKE THE HIT FOR THIS and you MUST PRESENT A UNITED FRONT.
She may come up with a date earlier than you agreed on. If so, get Calendar 2 out (no reason for her to know you had been willing to let her stay longer) and write that date down..."okay, Mom, so we're agreed that you'll relocate no later than..."?
If you're willing to pull the plug on your marriage if she doesn't get the hell out, be sure and get your share of the equity in the house. Maybe she can buy you out and he can live with his mommy for the rest of his life.
2007-04-03 07:26:02 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Make her life as uncomfortable as you possibly can. Turn off the heat in her room. Take down her outdated stuff and keep putting it in her room, reminding her that it is your house. Make sure there is nothing around that she would want to eat. Run the vacuum near her room when she is trying to sleep. Open the windows in her room at night if it's cold out. Keep leaving invoices in her room charging her for rent. Put newspapers in her room with the apartments available circled.
Your husband needs to grow some and tell his mother that while he loves her, living together is impossible.
2007-04-03 07:19:24 · answer #4 · answered by friendlyadvice 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you DO put her out, who will your husband side with? That's key to the problem. If he's going to cave in and side with mom, then you're headed for deteriorating relations with you husband. She just might be the future cause of your own marital demise. I suppose a second consideration is - does she have a place to go? If yes, the it makes it easier. Give her the ultimatum and deadline.
2007-04-03 07:18:56 · answer #5 · answered by nothing 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Girl, I feel so SORRY for you! You need to step up and tell her that, like it or not, this is your house. If she wants to decorate her room as she chooses, then feel free, but the rest of the house is yours. Offer to help her find a storage facility for her belongings. Also let her know that she is living with you and she needs to do her part to help out around the house....just like her son did when he was living with her!
2007-04-03 07:20:50 · answer #6 · answered by Tangled Web 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Leave her a note that rent is going to be $1500 a month, payable in advance on the first day of each month.
2007-04-03 07:17:57 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that this is YOUR house and she is merely a guest. She may stay as long as she leaves you alone. You will decorate the way you please, if she cooks, she cooks for all or she can leave.
Make the rules uncomfortable enough for her to get out!
2007-04-03 07:31:07 · answer #8 · answered by Starla_C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would talk to your husband first. tell him how you honestly feel and that if he's n ot willing to do anything about it then you will make her leave. If he's still insensitive to your feelings, then I would tell your mother in law that she has a month to leave. Tell her that the living situation just isn't working out....
2007-04-03 07:19:17 · answer #9 · answered by lilturtle 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its your home. Why either one of you allows her to put her belongings anywhere other then "her" room is beyond me. You need to speak your opinion to her and let your feelings known. If your husband has lost his back bone I'm sure you can find yours! Take a stand its your home not hers!
2007-04-03 07:19:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋