He treats me so bad?

Question

Today i was ready to go to the bank and my husband asked me if I added the check up, I said no, I'll do it at the bank he then got so angry and started yelling at me in the car he got so mad and I started crying, He then yelled at me and told me to stop crying that he hates it when people cry. We got home and he told me that when he tells me to do something I should do it right away, he broke the lamp started beating the wall yelling I was so scared that I started shaking, his mom was there too and she started crying and he blamed me for his mom crying, he blamed me for him getting mad because he says that I cry all the time, But I really cant help it when he screams it makes me so sad & scared. Now I feel like all this is my fault I feel horrible for putting up with this but I love him and now I feel like I have no strenght. Im so sad and depressed! Im even taking depression pills because of him & his mom that treat me bad and blame me for everything. I feel horrible!!!

Answer 1

So, what do you expect people here to say? Poooooor baby? Or, He's a terrible person? Sure, folks will suggest counseling, and it can't hurt anything. But, I've got to say that this IS your fault. I'd guarantee that my wife wouldn't put up with that kind of bullying. Heck, if she was a person that would put up with that kind of crap, I wouldn't want her. Now, if you really want advice- LEAVE. LEAVE NOW!!!!! No woman should be subjected to a husband having temper tantrums, much less beating on the walls with lamps, or anything else. Leave, or be prepared for more, and worse. Now, I predict that what you actually will do is NOTHING. You'll read the answers here, and feel that yes, he's wrong. But, you'll stay. You lack the courage to stand up for yourself, and tell temper boy to take a hike.

Answer 2

Sweetie, it pains me that others go through this too. I am filing for divorce from my verbally and emotionally abusive husband. He did similar things to me and made me believe it was all my fault. He would do something totally mean and then I'd get mad and it would turn to an argument. Then he'd say I was overreacting and that the argument was all my fault because I was overreacting and got mad. Well, it wasn't my fault and I'll tell you this, your husband's outbursts are not your fault either. He needs to control his anger. You can not change him nor is it your responsibility to change him. My husband used to see me cry and make me go to the other room. Then later he'd check on me and ask if I was done or "calmed down." How cold.

A husband is supposed to love you and comfort you and make you feel safe, not scared. Not hit you or tell you you don't matter. Actions also speak louder than words. Please do some research on abuse. I did and it was the best thing I ever could have done. I am separated and filing for divorce and I am so much happier. My friends see the light back in me.

Email me if you want to talk. I know how hard it is to realize and come to terms with what this relationship really is and tell him you have to leave him. But its the best thing you can do. It will be hard but life gets SO much better.

It took me a while to realize that I was being abused. You don't want to believe this person you married is capable of such horrible things, but once you get a grip on reality, you wake up and realize you deserve much better than that. You realize how did I let someone treat me like that!? But you learn what to look for the next time.

Please email me if you want to talk. If I can at least save you, I have been through my marriage and learned what I learned for a reason too.

Answer 3

I'm sorry to hear how you think you love him. You dont. You have a void to fill or think you need a person there. You may be afraid to be alone or with out. Dont be. There are so many people out there that go through what you are. It is abuse. It will get worse and you will end up hurt or dead. Your love went out the window he broke the first time he started this behavior. Now you have fear. If you have to make sure that 24/7 you are doing what he says when and how, then where is his love? He is now a slave owner. Pray to whoever or what ever you belive in and find the strength to say you get mads AND therapy and in 6 months to a year we will try again. I want to love you but you have broken all the ties that once drew me close to you and I must leave. Then it 's the hard part of doing it. Things will not change if you stay. You know this in your heart. It hurts but it wil be worse when your in an ICU. Here's a shout out... ALL you women in the world donot take this abuse! You are choice and beautiful, a man should be putting you up on a pedistal and constantly earning your affection! A man who would treat you in this way is not a man and not worthy of saying so. A man needs to earn that title. Good luck , and do what you know you need to.

Answer 4

You poor girl. That is abuse. He needs anger management. You don't want to live the rest of your life with this guy, do you? Of course not. Tell him if he doesn't take an anger management course, it's over. He's gonna say it won't happen again. Well,next time he yells at you or scares you, call the police. You really do not deserve to be treated this way. I hope there are no kids involved. Either way, make sure you get alimony and/or child support . You deserve it, and I don't care how much you love him, you can't spend the rest of your life on anti-depressants and crying. You only have one life. You sound like a sweet girl. You want someone who's in love with you and will trreat you like you deserve to be treated. By the way, you don't need his mother either! Good luck, and please take my advice. I've been there.

Answer 5

Well my dear , I used to be you & when I read this all those feelings just went through me again. You need to leave ! trust me I was married to my childhood sweetheart & I stayed way too long, (14 yrs.) & it never got better ,the old saying "once & abuser always an abuser" is one of the best sayings I know . He had my self esteem so low that I thoght I was ugly & everyone hated me & I also had to go on anti depresants Im still on them tothis day thats 18 yrs. later even though I'm in a wonderful relationship those scars never heal at least they didnt for me. You need to listen to me I know you dont know me but my dear things are going to get so much worse .I wish I could be near so I could help you out .I hate to see anyone go through this. I hope you have a friend that you can trust & talk to . You didnt say if you had kids or not ... my kids were ruined by him they are now 19 & 24 ,but they are violent at times &have been in alot of trouble with the law ,because this is what they knew . Please if you do one thing dont blame yourself you didnt ask him to yell & break things did you? And as for him not letting you cry because he doesnt like that I used to hear the same thing & I would always wonder why? & if you dont like my crying dont make me cry,but of course talking to those kind of people never gets you anywhere. I feel so bad for you as I can see you now just feeling helpless & insecure my dear you have to leave there is so much better out there I thought that I could never have anything & now I have the world & real love with no yelling or violence of any knid . You could try counselling but it usually doesnt work we done it for 8 yrs. & he would come home from the sessions & yell & beat me because I spoke up or something like that . You have one life to live & I think you would like to be living it not just existing & thats all you are doing.... We dont get a second chance at life so we have to look after ourselves in the one we get & the main thing is to be happy! Good luck & please take care

Answer 6

Nobody, deserves to be treated badly, his behavior is unacceptable and constitutes emotional abuse.You need someone to talk to, especially if you are taking anti-depressants. A therapist would be a good idea and she/he cannot tell anyone what you say to her. You also need to clarify why he is behaving this way. Have you spoken to him as to how he makes you feel? You could write him a letter if you feel you cannot speak to him. I do not have a clear idea as to whether he always acts like this or its because he feels powerless and frightened because of your depression (not your fault).Perhaps a few days away would be good for you if you have a friend or family member you can visit - this might give both of you time to think a little,The most important thing is that you need someone to talk to. Most countries have a good Samaritan or similar line where you can just phone and chat. If your husband ever raises a hand at you and physically hurts you - you have to leave, immediately.There are organizations that assist - do a web search.

Answer 7

Honey, you need to get away from this man ASAP. Now he is breaking lamps and hitting walls, next it may be something on you that he is breaking and hitting you. This is what people call verbal abuse and mental abuse.

None of this is your fault, he is the one that was screaming like an idiot and yelling over something stupid. His mom should not be treating you bad, she saw first hand how bad her son's temper is and she should be thanking God that he did not hit or harm anybody.

Do you really want your future children seeing this? Seeing this will make them think that this is alright, it is not.

If you don't want to leave him, get him to take anger management classes and see a counselor. You both need help, him for his temper and you for your depression and feeling that this is your fault.

Please get help before this gets physically violent.

Answer 8

This is an abusive relationship.
It is not your fault.
But it is up to you to change your situation & not allow yourself to be a victim. Right now by staying with him you are telling this Man that is OK for him to treat you like this. You do deserve better.
My advice is to find someone that you can stay with & move out right away. Call the police & ask to have an escourt.
Also if you share an account start a new one (not joint) and move your money out.
Go somewhere where you will be safe & if you don't have any place like that, contact your local Department of Health & ask them for a Women's Shelter. These places are made to protect you.
Please do not feel like you are alone or that you have no choice to stay there. There are places & services in place to help you.

Answer 9

You better leave , run not walk away. He is this violent and the next time it want be a lamp thrown against wall and walls take a beating , it going to be you next that gets a beating. Does Mama live with you, the whole setup stinks, get rid of him and you'll also get rid of Mama. Go to women's shelter put a restraining order on him because he will come looking for you, you can your boots on that, he isn't through with you buy a long shot.

Answer 10

I was in a situation like this before and I always felt like you do that it was somehow my fault. He treated me like crap and the ONLY reason I stayed was because he took so much of my self esteem I felt as if no one else would want me. This man made me cry more in a yr then I had my entire life {or so it seemed} he put me down all the time and would make treats. Your only way out is to leave it will be hard trust me I know from experiance but its the only way to save yourself because him throwing and punching the walls might turn to him punching you next.