My boyfriend and I have been together a year and a half, we're both 26. I'm a little confused at what he wants in the relationship. We live together, I take care of him, talk about marriage -- however, no ring. He'll bring it up one day and then the next talk about how he's still young and not ready. Its as if its a game to him. And please don't say, "your ohhh so young." 26 and unmarried is not that young for a woman, I don't want to have kids at...35! And if I bring marriage up to him he gets really defensive - HOWEVER its okay for HIM to bring it up whenever he wants it.
My friends think that instead of renewing our apartment lease in the summer, I should move out if he's not ready yet and get back to focussing more on "me." I don't want to do this, we've put so much time, effort into our place and I love living together--but if he is not ready to commit (by then we will have been together 2 years) then I think changes need to be made.
Suggestions please...I'm feeling pretty low right about now =(
2007-04-03 05:50:05 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Why do you NEED to be married. It sounds like things are going just fine. You live together, see each other every day, he's committed to you, why change the situation? There is nothing that you don't have now that you will get when you are married, except a tax break. Not very romantic.
You need to realise that marriage carries certain risks for men, risks that women usually don't have to worry about. Marriage is a legal contract. If things don't work out a few years from now, you can take half of everything he owns, and he could have to pay you support past the end of the marriage. It is a rare occourance when a woman has to pay support to an ex husband.
You have to think about this from his perspective. There is a benefit to you to get married, money if the marriage ends. There can be a benefit to any children that you may have together if the two of you are married. There is, however, absolutely no benefit to him to get married. Everything he can get by being married he already has.
If he loves you, and you love him, then why do you need the piece of paper? Over 50% of all marriages in the US end in diviorce, so clearly marriage offers no security. It doesn't guarantee fidelity, either, since adultry isn't illegal and most states have no-fault divorce (which doesn't take any bad behavior into account).
You also seem to be in a rush. Me and my wife lived together for 6 years before we got married. We lived in an apartment for a couple of years, and even bought a house together and lived there for 4 years before we tied the knot last year. All that time together let us be absolutely sure that we wanted to stay together for the long term, and we're more secure in our marriage.
2007-04-03 06:36:26 · answer #1 · answered by eviltruitt 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From experience: You should have gotten married BEFORE moving in together- man I wish someone told ME this MANY years ago... Anyway, what will a ring and marriage give you that you now do not have? NOTHING more really? Except the fact that you truly cannot walk out if he bcomes jerky, sloppy and nasty. I would think about why you want the ring so badly, if it is so good now anyway... You know? I DO understand where you are coming form- I lived your heart ache as well. Make sure you are wanting a ring for the forever part, not just for the party.... =-) hugs- and you will be fine -either way, I promise!
2007-04-03 12:58:29 · answer #2 · answered by erc_denise_childs 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i dont think you to young to get married but the thing you only been together for a year and half he not ready for it yet you'll should just keep have a good time and wait a little long to get married to know each other a little bit longer
2007-04-03 12:54:15 · answer #3 · answered by airplanes 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whether you want to stick to a whishy washey boyfriend is strictly your decision, but it is not a good one, unless you love the way the uncommitted relationship is going.
2007-04-03 12:56:18 · answer #4 · answered by WC 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No you're not too young. I agree with your friends. You say you take care of him, give him an incentive to change.
2007-04-03 13:02:27 · answer #5 · answered by nursesr4evr 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just wait..... he'll come around... and im sure u'll get the ring in know time. im sure he's just taking things slow...
2007-04-03 12:56:35 · answer #6 · answered by aminallover29 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
teel him you want more from him
2007-04-03 12:53:37 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋