In my past, i was with someonelse and i then got married to my husband...I dont regret marrying my husband, i am happy but THEY say husband and wife shud tell everything to each other so i am struggling to decide whether to tell my husband that i was with another guy before i got married to my husband...I have left my ex...I hate him...But shud i tell my husband that i slept with my ex...?! I am worried that he will think differnently about me and not love me like he does now...
But i really feel guilty not being honest with my husband...!
Please someone help and tell me, give me advice on what to do...?!
2007-04-03 05:20:22 · 68 answers · asked by Nadi 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes, married folks shouldn't keep secrets from each other. But, that doesn't really mean things that occurred prior to your marriage, fall under this general rule. Yes, some things would, like a child given up for adoption, criminal convictions, other marriages, perhaps a sexual relationship with someone of your own sex. But, unless you claimed to be a virgin when you got together with your husband, he must have assumed that he wasn't the first guy you'd known or dated. Pretty much EVERYTHING is a spouse's business, IF it occurred after you began your relationship. But, kissing some boy when you were 11? Shoplifting when you were 8? Sticking out your tongue at the teacher back in 1st grade? Yes, these are silly examples. But, they make the point that not everything is anyone's business, even your spouse's.
2007-04-03 05:47:33 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
is your ex the only other guy, besides your husband, that you slept with? because if he was then you must have told you husband that you were a virgin which is a lie.. right?
in your case.. im suprised that you havent... did he ever ask?
are you the first person he has been with? if not then why do you think he would look at you differently?
yes THEY say you should tell everything but that is up to you. i dont think it is possible to tell someone everything about your life because how could you remember everything.
people tend to remember the very good and the very bad...
all the other stuff gets put in storage in memory
the past is the past.. dont let it shape who you are today!
if you hate your ex and do not talk to him or have any contact then you hubby should not be upset or think anything. its your call but ther is nothing to be afriad of. Good Luck! :-)
2007-04-03 05:31:15 · answer #2 · answered by melissa c 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
These days 1 person before you get married is nothing. Most women have 10+ before they even settle down. I KNOW you should tell your husband. Secrets can ultimately destroy a beautiful relationship. You will always feel guilty and someday it will come out. The sooner you tell him the better. I don't think he'll freak out. He might be hurt at first especially if you told him he was your first, but he will get over it. Just explain to him that in respect he was your first . . the first time you had ever made love to someone. That's way more important. But you do need to be honest.
2007-04-03 05:30:54 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
True, a husband and wife should always be honest with each other, but there are some things that don't really matter at this point. Your ex is in the past. It doesn't matter what you did with this guy. But if you do feel the need to tell him about it, wait until HE brings up the topic of exes. If he's upfront and honest about his exes, then you can be upfront and honest.
2007-04-03 05:31:10 · answer #4 · answered by Michelle T 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I see absolutely nothing wrong with you having been with other people before having met your husband. Why do you feel it is such a big deal? It's absolutely normal. You really don't owe your husband full disclosure - your past is your past, and there's no need to describe in graphic detail all your experiences with other men; but the fact that you have had other men should have no bearing whatsoever on his feelings for you or his opinion of you. If it is not so, perhaps you have made a really bad choice of a man. There's nothing wrong with you, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
2007-04-03 05:29:25 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Did you sleep with this man while you were dating your husband? If you did and you arent sleeping with the ex now, then NO dont tell him. Why? It will only hurt everyone involved. You made a mistake. Its done.
If you slept with him before you even knew your husband, thhen sure you can tell him. Unless youve been lying and telling him you were a virgin.
Most people have slept with others before getting married, its not a horrible thing.
2007-04-03 05:25:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do women have this strange need to confess? What happened in your past is your business and there's nothing to feel guilty about. You lived your life, just as you husband lived his. Unless he's an imbicle, he knows you were not a virgin when he married you. That's all the information he needs. Get on with your marriage and leave the past in the past.
2007-04-03 05:33:12 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This actually should've been something that should've been discussed prior to you getting married. Since it's bothering you, I'm assuming that you were with the ex while you were seeing your husband. If it's bothering you then you may want to tell him to make yourself feel better however keep in mind you may end up loosing part of his trust. He may think that if you've done this before why wouldn't you do it again. You need to assure him that you love him and that it hasn't happened since the marriage. He's going to be hurt when he finds out but if you feel strongly that he needs to know then you need to tell him and the sooner the better.
2007-04-03 05:32:21 · answer #8 · answered by Pisces Princess 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hello first of all you need to put yourself in his position and think how you would feel if he did something similar to you for example he has a child with another women he hasn't told you about.
Please think about what you are going to do and don't do it with emotion because in the rush of things people sometimes make mistakes and regret it after they have done it and thought about it. What would be worst you explaining yourself to your husband telling him the truth about everything and him knowing the truth and finding out the right way in a respectful manor OR you having to lie or hide it from him and later on in the relationship he finds out and him become angry at you disappointed all the horrible feelings and emotions when something like this happens and then all the suspicion and thoughts go through his head thinking why hasn't she told me all this time.
Do yourself and your husband a favor by telling him the truth about your past you obviously married him because you love him and care about him and respect and value each others morales and principles and he will respect and be grateful that you decided to tell him and it will make up for whatever you have done in the past.
With all the best wishes.
2007-04-03 05:31:01 · answer #9 · answered by wrapnuts 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No way because the past is the past, it can never be repeated for it is best left alone to be deleted, and I know that human nature is usually better as it is, the past is dead. Why bring it up. IT Is OVER and it is water under the bridge. I don't tell anyone about my past because today is today and tomorrow will be here and it may not be, all in all, when you bring up the past it can open up a Pandora's box or a bunch of can's of worms. I rest my case, leave well enough alone. Don't say I didn't warn you.
2007-04-03 05:26:25 · answer #10 · answered by Pink Honey 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋